Interpersonal Skills The dynamics

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Interpersonal Communication AccessAwarenessInterpretationResponse Attention based on self-interest and physical limitation Availability of information or stimuli Based on information gathered we attach meaning To new experiences Perception

Where Is the the Dot Placed?

Influences on Perception Needs Expectations Attitudes Values Physical senses Self concept

Needs

We need to hire 10 more salespersons If we are going to increase profits, we’ll have to cut costs. We’ll have to increase profit by 10 Increase sales by 10 We need 10 more in sales We’ll have to cut 10 sales people HR Expectations

Values

Attitude

Self – concept

We Focus The figure – ground approach What we see depends on what is available in the background

We Relate to the Parts

Perceptions Affect Interaction Accurate self-perception increases likelihood of accurate interpersonal relationship Realistic perception of others is a key element in our ability to communicate and engage in solving problems jointly and work with others Tendencies causing perceptual distortion Stereotyping : typifying groups/community causing a bias The halo effect: favourable impression of someone Implicit personality theory: assumptions about traits that go together

The Johari Window A tool for self-awareness, personal development, group development, and enhancing relationships

Principles of Change Within the Window Change in any one quadrant affects one or others Interpersonal learning increases the open area Smaller the first quadrant, poorer the communication With large areas of free activity more of the skills/ resources can be applied to the task at hand It takes energy to hide, deny, or be blind to behaviour Threat decreases while mutual trust increases awareness Forced awareness is undesirable and usually ineffective There is universal curiosity about the unknown area Sensitivity means respecting covert aspects of behaviour

Arena or Open Area Known to self….Known to others This is the most effective and productive work area This space is free of distractions, mistrust, confusion, conflict and misunderstanding The size of the open area can be expanded horizontally into the blind area by seeking and actively listening to feedback Open area can be expanded vertically by the person’s disclosure of information, feelings, etc. Positive development of the ‘open area’ or ‘open self’ for everyone is a simple yet fundamental aspect of effective leadership Top performing groups, departments, companies and organisations tend to have a culture of open positive communication

Façade or Hidden Known to Self…Unknown to others Includes sensitivities, fears, hidden agendas, manipulative intentions, secrets Fear of judgement, vulnerability may be the cause for holding back information The process of self-disclosure increases the open area A reduced hidden area enables better understanding, cooperation, trust, team-working effectiveness, and productivity; Organisational culture may influence preparedness to disclose Reduces confusion, misunderstanding, poor communication, etc Disclosure should be at the pace and depth that is comfortable Care needs to be taken to avoid emotional upsets

Blind Spot Unknown to self….Known to others Soliciting feedback reduces this area Can be referred to as ignorance about the self Could include issues in which one is deluded or which others deliberately withhold from a person Thick-skinned people tend to have a large blind area The extent and area of feed back sort must be at the individual’s discretion Relates to the process of self-actualisation An environment of non-judgemental feed back can be helpful

Unconscious Unknown to self….Unknown to others Can be feelings, behaviours, attitudes, capabilities, aptitudes Can be close to the surface or deeper aspects of the personality Could be an ability that is underestimated Could be a natural ability or aptitude that is unrealised Can be a fear or aversion that the person is unaware of possessing An unknown illness Repressed or subconscious feelings Conditioned behaviour or attitudes from childhood

Building Interpersonal Skills Cooperation Darwin’s theory of balance: there is a tendency to maintain and restore balance in our body, structure and attitude. In case of imbalance the balance mechanism continues till it is regained. Cooperation in our day-to- day life brings harmony, happiness and improves productivity Empathic listening We are either speaking or preparing to speak. Checking paradigms, our reality and objective reality. Ask…are we ignoring? Are we pretending? Are we selectively listening? Are we listening attentively? Are we indulging in empathic listening? Listening with the intent to understand and not to reply. Listening with, our ears, eyes, heart, listening for feelings, for meaning, for behaviour. We sense and intuit.

Building Interpersonal Skills Not what we say or do but what we are If words/actions come from superficial techniques and tools, duplicity can be sensed. Character and integrity Generate trust and communicates most. Phasing out the message Greek wisdom: ethos, pathos, Lagos. Ethos is personal credibility; The trust we inspire in others. It is the alignment we have with the emotional level of the other person. Logos is the logic, reasoning part of our presentation. Feeling, understanding and thinking. Saying what we mean and meaning what we say Taking responsibility for everything uttered. Activating the brain before activating the mouth. Thinking of the impact the words will have.

Building Interpersonal Skills Apoligising sincerely in case of mistakes Keeping commitments Attending to little things Unconditional love Engaging the mind before engaging the mouth Criticising action/behaviour instead of personality

10 Commandments Smile Be appreciative Pay attention Practice active listening Bring people together Resolve conflicts Communicate clearly Humour them Step into the other’s shoes Don’t complain or judge