Deborah Tannen Summary

Basic Issue Men live in a world of hierarchy, Women live in a world of connection

Basic Issue (subsidiary) Men require independence Women require intimacy

Basic Issue (subsidiary) Men live in a world of action Women live in a world of feeling

Summary of Tannen’s Findings Men Striving for status in a hierarchical social order where they are either one-up or one- down Trying to protect themselves from other’s influence and from getting pushed around Women Striving for intimacy Trying to protect themselves from being pushed away

Tannen’s Findings Goal is to get and keep the upper hand Asymmetry is an element of status We are separate and different Goal is to establish connection by having intimate knowledge Symmetry creates equality and community We are close and the same

Findings Report talk preserves independence Public speaking Mistake laments for requests for advice Rapport tallk gets at the connection and the relationship Private speaking Laments are a part of rapport talk

Findings Conversations are a competition Conflict is accepted, sought out, enjoyed Struggle to be strong Conversations are negotiations for closeness Conflict is a threat to connection and is to be settled without confrontation Struggle to keep the community strong

Findings Jockey for position and compete for floor time See interruptions as a struggle for control Accommodate their conversation style and yield the floor See interruptions as part of rapport talk because it shows participation and support

Findings Comfortable giving information and speaking authoritatively Home is a sanctuary where you don’t have to talk Comfortable supporting others and cautious about stating information Home is a sanctuary where you can say what you want

Findings Practiced his whole life dismissing his thoughts and keeping them to himself Want to be the protector because it is the dominant role Practiced her whole life verbalizing her thoughts in private conversations with people with whom she is close Become the protected which is the subordinate role

Findings Masculine talk is associated with leadership and authority Powerful speech is confident Talking with leadership and authority is being a bitch Powerless speech, hedges, hesitates, apologies, non- fluencies

Carol Gilligan-Ethical Sense Men Fairness Individual rights Individual autonomy Conflict of rights Hierarchy Logical and abstract Danger in connection Women Care Responsibility Self-in-relationship Avoid hurt Lateral networks Contextual Fear lack of connection