Lesson 7 - Love and Intimacy Robert Wonser

2 Factors That Influence our Choices  Three factors influence whom we select: 1.Our daily routines make some more accessible. 2.Proximity makes it more rewarding to interact with some people rather than others. 3.Familiarity produces a positive attitude toward those with whom we repeatedly come into contact.  Mere exposure effect = repeated exposure to the same novel stimulus is sufficient to produce a positive attitude toward it.

3 The Determinants of Liking  How much we like someone is determined by three factors: 1.The greater the proportion of similar attitudes, the more they like each other. 2.Shared activities become an important influence on our liking for another person as we spend time with them. 3.Reciprocal liking (we like those who like us) As we experience positive feedback from another person, it increases our liking for them.

4 Love  In groups, write down a definition of love.

5 Love, Intimacy, and Attraction  Love is the physical, emotional, sexual, intellectual, or social affection one person holds for another. Concepts related to love include: adore, desire, prefer, possess, care for, serve, and even worship.  Intimacy, on the other hand, is a close relationship where mutual acceptance, nurturance, and trust are shared at some level.  An attachment is an emotional and social bond that forms between one person and another.

6 The Growth of Relationships  As relationships grow, they change on three dimensions. 1.There may be a gradual increase in the disclosure of intimate information (self disclosure). 2.Trust in the other person increases as relationships develop. 3.Interdependence for various gratifications also increases, often accompanied by a decline in reliance on relationships with others.

7 Dyadic Withdrawal  Increasing reliance on one person for gratifications and decreasing reliance on others.  One study of 750 men and women illustrates the extent to which such withdrawal occurs.  The more intimate his or her current heterosexual relationship, the smaller the number of friends listed by the respondent.  As the degree of involvement increased, the proportion of mutual friends of the couple also increase.

8 Self-Disclosure  Getting to know some one is a process of disclosing who you are.  Self-disclosure is the process of revealing the true nature of oneself to another person.

9 9 Unrequited Love The Cyrano Style  the “love” is so strong that it doesn’t matter that the love will never be returned The Giselle Style  thinking that the relationship will grow into a mutual loving relationship The Don Quixote Style  strong desire to BE in love regardless of who the love object is

10 10 How do you distinguish a mature love relationship from an addictive relationship 1.Do you each value yourself? 2.Are you both better people as a result of this relationship? 3.Do you both have serious interests outside the relationship? 4.Is the relationship not the totality of your life? 5.Is neither of you possessive of your partner? 6.Are you best friends?

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12 12 Are you a romantic or a realist?