7 Ways to Avoid Wordiness

1. AVOID FILLER WORDS It was really important to be on time. It was important to be on time.

1. AVOID FILLER WORDS ► The essay was very helpful in forming my ideas and concepts on the topic. ► The essay was helpful in forming my ideas on the topic.

2. AVOID PASSIVE TENSE ► He was hit by another player during the seventh inning. ► Another player hit him during the seventh inning. **Passive voice is when the subject is acted on – and active voice is when the subject does the acting. DO NOT shift abruptly from one voice to the other. **There is nothing inherently wrong with the passive voice, but if you can say the same thing in the active mode, do so. Your text will have more pizzazz as a result, since passive verb constructions tend to lie about in their pajamas and avoid actual work.

2. AVOID PASSIVE TENSE ► The article was written by a senator. ► A senator wrote the article.

3. AVOID EXPLETIVE CONSTRUCTIONS – IT IS, THERE IS, THERE ARE ► There are four rules that should be observed. ► Four rules should be observed. **Try to avoid using them, since these constructions merely obscure the main subject and action of a sentence.

3. AVOID EXPLETIVE CONSTRUCTIONS – IT IS, THERE IS, THERE ARE ► It is the teacher who grades the papers. ► The teacher grades the papers.

4. AVOID REPETITIVE WORDING ► My future plans are unclear. ► My plans are unclear. past memories various differences each individual _______ basic fundamentals true facts important essentials future plans terrible tragedy end result final outcome free gift past history unexpected surprise sudden crisis

4. AVOID REPETITIVE WORDING ► The birthday party was an unexpected surprise. ► The birthday party was a surprise.

5. CHANGE UNNECESSARY THAT, WHICH, WHO CLAUSES ► The material that was new was beautiful. ► The new material was beautiful.

5. CHANGE UNNECESSARY THAT, WHICH, WHO CLAUSES ► The boy who is tall sits in the back row. ► The tall boy sits in the back row.

6. AVOID NOMINALIZATIONS ► I do not have the intention of visiting here again. ► I do not intend to visit here again. **A “nominalized” sentence is one in which abstract nouns perform most of the work. Abstract nouns are things you can’t touch or easily visualize (such as “analysis” or “solution”). These vague nouns contain within them a hidden verb (“analyze” or “solve”); the process of turning a word from a verb into a noun is called “nominalization.” Don’t nominalize. People tend to think writing is more clear and direct when it relies on verbs rather than abstract nouns formed from verbs. Revise your sentences in order to make your verbs do the work.

6. AVOID NOMINALIZATIONS ► We will use persistence. ► We will persist.

7. AVOID CIRCUMLOCUTIONS ► At this point in time, the store must be closed. ► Now the store must be closed. ► In light of the fact = because ► On the occasion of = when ► In regards to = about ► It is necessary that = must **The use of unnecessarily wordy and indirect language to avoid getting to the point. Contrast with conciseness.

7. AVOID CIRCUMLOCUTIONS ► In relation to Keith’s song, response was mixed. ► Response to Keith’s song was mixed.

HANDOUT Review the handout. Keep it as a reminder.

PRACTICE Review the following examples & revisions. Make sure you know WHY they are revised.

The performance was planned by the music teacher who works at the elementary school. ► The elementary school music teacher planned the performance.

It is the responsibility of the nurse who works at night to check the patients. ► The night nurse is responsible for checking the patients.

We really should move inside in light of the fact that a thunderstorm is approaching. ► We should move inside because a thunderstorm is approaching.

She has the ability to influence the end result. ► She can influence the result.

Now You Try… ► Revise the following 10 sentences so they are correct. (Are any of them already correct?) ► Make sure you know which “issue” the sentence had that you had to correct.

1. The final outcome was influenced by the weather. 2. The shelves were stocked by the attendant who works at night. 3. There are definitely keys in the drawer. 4. The tax forms really should have been completed by the accountant. 5. There are books from the library that she checked out. 6. Without some kind of extra help, balancing the budget is really going to be difficult. 7. In light of the fact that I haven’t had a cigarette for so long, I am very grumpy. 8. The employee with ambition suggested we install a wing that will be cardiac oriented. 9. An account, which was new, was opened by Ms. Simms. 10. The function of this department is to deal with complaints that are made by customers.

1. The final outcome was influenced by the weather. ► The weather influenced the outcome. outcome.

2. The shelves were stocked by the attendant who works at night. ► The night attendant stocked the shelves. shelves.

3. There are definitely keys in the drawer. ► The keys are in the drawer.

4. The tax forms really should have been completed by the accountant. ► The accountant should have completed the tax forms. completed the tax forms.

5. There are books from the library that she checked out. ► She checked out library books.

6. Without some kind of extra help, balancing the budget is really going to be difficult. ► Without help, balancing the budget will be difficult. will be difficult.

7. In light of the fact that I haven’t had a cigarette for so long, I am very grumpy. ► Because I haven’t had a cigarette for so long, I am grumpy. for so long, I am grumpy.

8. The employee with ambition suggested we install a wing that will be cardiac oriented. ► The ambitious employee suggested we install a cardiac wing. we install a cardiac wing.

9. An account, which was new, was opened by Ms. Simms. ► Ms. Simms opened a new account.

10. The function of this department is to deal with complaints that are made by customers. ► This department deals with customer complaints. customer complaints.