Chapter Three The Self in Interpersonal Communication

 The image of who you are. It’s how you perceive yourself. It develops through 1) Others’ images of you 2) Social comparisons 3) Cultural teachings 4) Your own observations, interpretations, and evaluations

 Open Self all the information, behaviours, attitudes, feelings, desires, motivations, and ideas that characterize you  Blind Self all the things about yourself that others know but you do not  Hidden Self all that you know about yourself that others do not know  Unknown Self truths that exist that neither you or others know

Open Self Information about yourself that you and others know Blind Self Information about yourself that you don’t know but others do know Hidden Self Information about yourself that you know but others don’t Unknown Self Information about yourself that neither you nor others know

 Listen to others.  Increase your open self.  Seek information about yourself.

 Complete Listen to This – page 52

 Complete the two column/graph test  Are you Analytical, Amiable, Expressive, or a Driver? Copyright © 2008 Pearson Education Canada 2-7

 Why do we self-disclose? Copyright © 2008 Pearson Education Canada 2-8

 Who you are  Your culture  Your gender  Your listeners  Your topic

 Greater self-knowledge  Increased communication effectiveness  Better physiological health

 Personal Risks  Relationship Risks  Professional Risks

 Understand your motivation.  Judge the appropriateness.  Assess whether the self-disclosure is reciprocal.  Weigh the potential problems that disclosure may cause.

 Listen with empathy and an open mind.  Express support verbally and nonverbally.  Do not be judgmental.  Keep disclosures confidential.  Remember that self-disclosure is usually a sign of trust and affection.

 Don’t be pushed.  Be assertive in your refusal to disclose.  Be indirect and move to another topic.

 Test yourself on page 55  How did you do ?  What Will You Do? Copyright © 2008 Pearson Education Canada 2-15

 The feeling of fear or anxiety about a situation in which a person must communicate.  “Probably the most common handicap…suffered by people in contemporary American society” (McCroskey & Wheeless, 1976)

 Acquire communication skills and experience.  Focus on success.  Reduce unpredictability.  Put apprehension in perspective.

 Complete Test Yourself page 61

Copyright © 2008 Pearson Education Canada 2-19

Please get into your groups Copyright © 2008 Pearson Education Canada 2-20

 Self disclose the kind of information you want others to disclose to you  Move self-disclosure to deeper levels gradually  Continue intimate self-disclosure only if it is reciprocated

 Self disclose more intimate information only when you believe the disclosure represents an acceptable risk  Reserve intimate or very personal self-disclosure for ongoing relationships

 Women:  tend to disclose more than men,  are disclosed to more than men, and  are more aware than men of cues that affect their self-disclosure.

Microsoft Photo

 Men in our society are more likely to view conversation as report- talk  Women in our society are more likely to view conversation as rapport-talk

 Withholding or masking feelings  Denying them by keeping them inside  Not giving any verbal or nonverbal cues to their existence  Our culture generally regards this as an inappropriate means of dealing with our feelings

 Displaying feelings  Expressing feelings through facial reactions, body responses and verbal emotional reactions  Is usually appropriate when the feelings being experienced are positive  Is detrimental to communication when feelings being experienced are negative  Often serves as an escape valve for very strong emotions

 Describing feelings  Many people don’t have a good vocabulary for describing the various feelings they experience  Many people believe describing their true feelings will make them too vulnerable

 Describing feelings continued  Many people believe if they describe their feelings others will make them feel guilty about having such feelings  Many people believe describing feelings causes harm to others or to a relationship  Many people may belong to cultural groups in which masking or withholding feelings is culturally appropriate behavior

In pairs role play this scenario. Carey’s roommate borrows Carey’s car without permission; the roommate comes into the room later and, giving Carey the keys, says, “Thanks for the car.” You are Carey. Describe your feelings.

 Making “I” statements to identify yourself as the source of a particular idea or feeling  Any statement using the first-person pronoun I, my, me, mine  People tend to use vague referents to others rather than owning their ideas and feelings  To strengthen the power of their statements  To escape responsibility

 Praising  Make note of the specific behavior or accomplishment you want to reinforce  Describe the specific behavior or accomplishment

 Praising continued  Describe the positive feelings or outcomes that have been experienced as a result of this behavior or accomplishment  Phrase the response so the level of praise appropriately reflects the significance of the behavior or accomplishment

 Constructive criticism  Ask the person’s permission before giving criticism  Describe the behavior accurately without labeling the behavior good or bad, right or wrong

 Constructive criticism continued  Preface a negative statement with a positive one whenever possible  Be as specific as possible  When appropriate, suggest how a person can change the behavior

In the situations below first criticize as you normally would, then creative a more effective response. 1. You are the manager of a small, fast food restaurant. One of your friends, who is also one of your employees, repeatedly has been making mistakes on the job.

2. Your significant other has a habit of being very harsh with sales people in public, acting in an impatient, demanding way that you find embarassing.

 Passive behavior  When people do not state their opinions, share feelings, or assume responsibility for their behavior

 Aggressive behavior  When people forcefully lash out to achieve their goals with little regard for the situation or for the feelings, needs, or rights of others

 Assertive behavior  Standing up for oneself in an interpersonally effective way

 Own your feelings  Avoid confrontational language  Use specific statements directed to the behaviors at hand

 Maintain eye contact and a firm body position  Maintain a firm but pleasant tone of voice  Avoid hemming and hawing

 “Probably the most common handicap…suffered by people in contemporary society”  Acquire communication skills and experience  Focus on success  Reduce unpredictability  Put apprehension in perspective  Be Assertive! Copyright © 2008 Pearson Education Canada 2-43

Copyright © 2008 Pearson Education Canada 2-44

Copyright © 2008 Pearson Education Canada 2-45