ACADEMIC ENGLISH III Class 8 April 3, 2013

Today Concluding paragraph Unity/Coherence Peer feedback for Paper 1

Concluding Paragraph Often a cause for alarm. Source: What do I say in the conclusion?

Concluding Paragraph First: You do not need to make a profound statement that will change modern human thought forever. - The purpose of the conclusion in a short essay is to concisely wrap-up the essay.

Concluding Paragraph Basic essay structure: - Tell them what you’re going to tell them (thesis statement) - Tell them (body) - Tell them what you have told them (conclusion)

Concluding Paragraph First, tell them what you have told them: - Refer back to the thesis statement. - Re-state your position/argument (in different words) - Give a brief summary of the information that supports your position.

Concluding Paragraph The important information has been re-stated. Source: So what?

Concluding Paragraph Finish, by stating the “so what?” - The implications of your argument. or - What might happen as a result of this information (future prediction)

Concluding Paragraph - Example Thesis statement: Despite similar price points and hardware, the Xtablet is a better value than the Ypad due to its advantages in software and portability. Conclusion:  Transition into the conclusion. Ultimately, it is the consumer's choice of what tablet computer to buy.

Concluding Paragraph - Example Thesis statement: Despite similar price points and hardware, the Xtablet is a better value than the Ypad due to its advantages in software and portability. Conclusion:  Re-state the argument and briefly summarize the important points. Ultimately, it is the consumer's choice of what tablet computer to buy. However, the Xtablet, while sharing a similar price point and similar hardware with the Ypad, offers a superior value to customers due to its software features, such as insta-upload and VRX, and its longer battery life, giving it more portability.

Concluding Paragraph - Example Thesis statement: Despite similar price points and hardware, the Xtablet is a better value than the Ypad due to its advantages in software and portability. Conclusion:  Give a “so what?” Ultimately, it is the consumer's choice of what tablet computer to buy. However, the Xtablet,while sharing a similar price point and similar hardware with the Ypad, offers a superior value to customers due to its software features, such as insta- upload and VRX, and its longer battery life, giving it more portability. For anyone currently in the market for a budget-priced tablet that has software features that standup to higher-priced models, the Xtablet makes a smart, affordable choice that is sure to impress.

Concluding Paragraph - Example Ultimately, it is the consumer's choice of what tablet computer to buy. However, the Xtablet,while sharing a similar price point and similar hardware with the Ypad, offers a superior value to customers due to its software features, such as insta-upload and VRX, and its longer battery life, giving it more portability. For anyone currently in the market for a budget-priced tablet that has software features that standup to higher-priced models, the Xtablet makes a smart, affordable choice that is sure to impress.

Unity & Coherence The “other” elements of writing.

A word about Unity Make sure the paragraph (and essay) stays on topic. Every supporting sentence must directly explain or prove the main idea (topic sentence). Try not to get off topic.

Unity Example: If your paragraph is about Roman art, you may mention the influence of Greek art. However, if you include several sentences on Greek art, you are getting off topic.

Unity Remember: - One paragraph = ONE main idea. - Topic sentence: All ideas directly support the topic sentence. - For an essay: All supporting paragraphs should directly support the thesis statement.

Unity Example: I live in an apartment with my family. We have two bedrooms and a living room. We have a garden and we have some flowers there. On weekdays I arrive home at five o'clock and I have lunch. Then I do my homework and go to bed. I had a computer but now it doesn't work. I have a brother and a sister and I think I am very lucky to live with them. Sometimes our relatives visit us. Our flat becomes very crowded sometimes but I like it.

Unity What details don’t fit here (are not describing the house)? I live in an apartment with my family. We have two bedrooms and a living room. We have a garden and we have some flowers there. On weekdays I arrive home at five o'clock and I have lunch. Then I do my homework and go to bed. I had a computer but now it doesn't work. I have a brother and a sister and I think I am very lucky to live with them. Sometimes our relatives visit us. Our flat becomes very crowded sometimes but I like it.

Coherence In writing, the sentences must “hold together”. - This makes the writing easier to read and understand. - Sentences should be in a logical order. - Logical movement from one sentence to the other. Do not “jump” suddenly. - Each sentence should smoothly flow into the next one.

Coherence – “moving smoothly” There are three qualities that I need to see in a good friend. A good friend should not tell lies. I need to trust him so that I can talk to him. A good friend should be there when I need him. I should be able to find him near me when I am in a bad mood or when I have a problem. When necessary, he should criticize me so that I can change my undesirable behavior or see where I am wrong. These three qualities are the basic properties in a good friend

Coherence – “moving smoothly” There are three ideas here (but the writing is confusing). - This looks like a big list. A friend must: 1. not tell a lie. 2. be there on a bad day. 3. criticize when necessary. The ideas are even explained.

Coherence – “moving smoothly” There are three qualities that I need to see in a good friend. A good friend should not tell lies. I need to trust him so that I can talk to him. A good friend should be there when I need him. I should be able to find him near me when I am in a bad mood or when I have a problem. When necessary, he should criticize me so that I can change my undesirable behavior or see where I am wrong. These three qualities are the basic properties in a good friend

Coherence – “moving smoothly” There are three ideas here (but the writing is confusing). A friend must: 1. not tell a lie. 2. be there on a bad day. 3. criticize when necessary. WHAT’S MISSING??

Coherence – “moving smoothly” What’s missing? The paragraph “jumps” from idea to idea without any sort of connection.

Coherence – “moving smoothly” There are three qualities that I need to see in a good friend. First, a good friend shouldn't tell lies. I need to trust him so that I can talk to him. Second, a good friend should be there when I needed him. I should be able to find him near me when I am in a bad mood or when I have a problem. Finally, when necessary, he should criticize me so that I can change my undesirable behavior or see where I am wrong. I think, these three qualities are the basic properties in a good friend.

Coherence – “moving smoothly” There are three qualities that I need to see in a good friend. First, a good friend shouldn't tell lies. I need to trust him so that I can talk to him. Second, a good friend should be there when I needed him. I should be able to find him near me when I am in a bad mood or when I have a problem. Finally, when necessary, he should criticize me so that I can change my undesirable behavior or see where I am wrong. In summary, these three qualities are the basic properties in a good friend.

Transition Signals - Examples Two examples: - Which one is “smoother”? 1. My friend, Derek, loves to play sports and is very athletic. He has won a scholarship to play basketball at Duke University next year. 2. My friend, Derek, loves to play sports and is very athletic. In fact, he has won a scholarship to play basketball at Duke University next year.

Transition Signals Traffic signs for writing. - Transition signals directly tell the reader the logical relationship between one idea and another idea.

Transition Signals Idea Transition

Transition Signals - Examples Derek loves to go swimming in the ocean. his parents won’t allow him to do that. ;however, The transition, however, tells the reader that there is a contrast between the two ideas. Derek loves to go swimming in the ocean; however, his parents won’t allow him to do that.

Transition Signals - Examples Derek is a great swimmer. he is very good at scuba diving. Derek is a great swimmer ;furthermore, he is very good at scuba diving. ;furthermore,

Transition Signals - Examples Derek is very athletic.he plays three sports at school. Derek is very athletic. In fact, he plays three sports at school. In fact,

Transition Signals - Examples Derek is very athletic.His brother is not good at sports. Derek is very athletic. On the other hand, his brother is not good at sports. On the other hand,

Transition Signals The previous examples were all within paragraph transition signals. Transitions are also important between paragraphs. - This tells the reader the logical relationship between one group of sentences (a paragraph) and another.

Transition Signals – between paragraphs Essay Introduction Body Paragraph 1 Body Paragraph 2: In addition, Body Paragraph 3: Furthermore, Conclusion: To sum up, Transition connects ideas in paragraph 3 to ideas in paragraph 2. Transition connects ideas in paragraph 2 to ideas in paragraph 1.

Transition Signals – more examples RelationshipTransition Additional idea Moreover Furthermore In addition besides Derek loves to hike ;moreover, ;furthermore, ;in addition, ;besides, he likes to ski.

Transition Signals – more examples RelationshipTransition Reinforcement/Emphasis Indeed In fact Derek plays basketball ;in fact, ;indeed, he plays every Saturday. The transition and second clause reemphasize the first clause.

Transition Signals – more examples RelationshipTransition Exemplification For example For instance In particular Derek enjoys outdoor sports ;for example, ;for instance, ;in particular, he likes hiking, skiing, and fishing. The second clause is more specific than the first.

Transition Signals – more examples RelationshipTransition Contrast However On the contrary In contrast On the other hand ;on the other hand, ;however, ;on the contrary, ;in contrast, Joe thinks it is an expensive sport. Derek enjoys scuba diving

Transition Signals – more examples RelationshipTransition Result or Effect Consequently Accordingly Thus Hence Therefore As a result Derek broke his leg ;thus, ;consequently, ;therefore, ;hence, ;as a result, ;accordingly, he can’t play basketball.

Transition Signals – more examples RelationshipTransition Time Meanwhile (at the same time) Subsequently (after) Thereafter (after) Derek scored a goal ;subsequently, ;thereafter, his team won the game. after

Peer Feedback Friends helping friends. - Do not attack your partner’s writing. - Be constructive: Offer advice. - Do not check grammar (but point out parts you can’t understand). Source: dcrelief.blogspot.com dcrelief.blogspot.com

Remember Paper 1 2 nd draft due Friday (11:59 p.m.) Follow instructions on information sheet.  to: