Warrior Within: Reconceptualising Our Approach to Domestic Violence Sharon Mailloux, Executive Director North Peace Society for the Prevention of Domestic Violence

My Call to adventure Who are we? Discovering the Hero’s Journey by accidental happening Why it’s an IPV treatment modality Strength based approach Empowering in a non-gender specific way Transferability to other areas of life A framework for change and specialness

Hero’s Journey video

Client’s “status quo” experience Cycle of Violence

The Call Is the first step in moving the client out of “Status Quo” (AKA – Precontemplation) Who issues the call? From without? From within? Refusal of the call is denying personal power (trapped in the Drama Triangle)

Qualities/traits of the warrior? Engaging your client’s warrior within.

Assistance Role of the helper is to assess and challenge the “would- be” warrior’s readiness Provides the hero with the skills, wisdom, and insight to succeed during the trials The mentor is also often the one who introduces the trials and provides a safe learning space for the warrior apprentice What else might be the role of the helper/mentor? Who are helper/mentors/assistants that you have encountered throughout your heroic journeys?

Departure Some are stuck at the threshold or turn back. Why? Risks and benefits are explained to our client hero before they depart – they must make the decision to cross the threshold on their own By taking the first step they have already accessed their inner courage Attachment theory: Campbell suggests that the stage of departure is akin to the client hero’s initial separation from their parent(s) What do you make of that? How does it align or not with your experience? “In the cave you fear to enter, lies the treasure you seek.” – Joseph Campbell

Trials Skill development and practical application Many men will turn back here, too frightened to be cowards Others will be observers, curious about those who have chosen to engage Women will be afraid to be strong = alone Facing the answers to the questions they were afraid to ask Often the first encounter with shame, guilt, regret, frustration and FEAR Learning to tolerate emotions/distress in a healing environment Many trials are faced within the group setting or the days in between sessions What other trials might your “will be warriors” be facing? Trials create the foundation that allow the warrior to survive the crisis or ultimate battle – they are the determinant of readiness MEN DIE WHEN THEY ARE TOO AFRAID TO FACE VULNERABILITY, WOMEN DIE IN THE HANDS OF MEN

KARPMAN’S DRAMA TRIANGLE RESCUER PERSECUTOR VICTIM

Relational heroism occurs when every muscle and nerve in one’s body pulls one toward re-enacting one’s usual dysfunctional patter, but through sheer force of discipline or grace, one lifts oneself off the well worn-track toward behaviors that are more vulnerable, more cherishing, more mature. Just as the boyhood trauma that sets up depression occurs not in one dramatic incident but in transactions repeated hundreds of times, so too, recovery is comprised of countless small victories. -Terrence Real This is neuroplasticity.

Crisis Ultimate test against self “If I’m not this, then who am I?” –client question What is the crisis of your will-be-warrior? How does the concept of relational heroism apply to the crisis? Life, Death, Rebirth Closeness, compassion, gratitude

Treasure What is the treasure your will-be-warrior is in pursuit of? Love, Belonging, Intimacy, Safety, Rest, Peace, Freedom? What skills/healings does this translate into in IPV treatment?

Result What changes has the hero made now that he/she has obtained the treasure? How will this impact other people in their lives? This is the pinnacle moment for the hero when he/she truly understands the quest

Return Likely the most difficult part of the warrior’s quest. Why? Lateral violence

New life and resolution Integration of new skills, wisdom, values and beliefs Grieves and accepts consequences of being a hero Recognizes the need for on-going vigilance Creates new supports and is a support to others Creates self identity or reconstructs self concept

TrialsCrisisTreasureResultReturnNew LifeResolutionStatus Quo Call to Adventure AssistanceDeparture Justification and Honeymoon Status QuoBuild UpActing OutRelief/Regret

Your Warrior Within Think of a mentor/elder…. How did they assist you? What memorable words of wisdom from your mentor have stuck with you? Your quest… How will carrying the words of your mentor and living your own quest impact your work with your will-be-warrior’s?

Questions Contact: Sharon Mailloux – Executive Director North Peace Society for the Prevention of Domestic Violence (AKA. Stepping Up) or