STAAR English II Writing Revising your persuasive essay 1

Revising for Formality Creating formality can an important part of having a successful text. There are several dimensions of style (especially word choice) that are quite obviously related to formality. Note how amazing it is that one word can change the formality drastically. Throughout the movie, Kelly has two guys interested in her. Throughout the movie, Kelly has two gentlemen interested in her. Throughout the movie, Kelly has two dudes interested in her. Throughout the movie, Kelly has two slackers interested in her. Throughout the movie, Kelly has two young men interested in her. Throughout the movie, Kelly has two suitors interested in her. Throughout the movie, Kelly has two males interested in her. 2

Revising for Formality Your text is more formal when you avoid contractions. has notrather thanhasn’t were notrather than weren’t 3

Cohesive Devices (transitions) It is helpful to have transitions in your essay because it creates a better flow of ideas. (FYI: to have a cohesive essay means to have your ideas connected logically to one another.) Illustratives: for example, for instance Temporals: first, next, then, after that Additives: also, moreover, furthermore, in addition, and Constrastives: however, on the other hand, nevertheless, but Comparatives: similarly, likewise Causatives: as a result, hence, thus Reiteratives:in other words, that is 4

Using Cohesive Devices These cohesive devices are especially valuable at the heads of sentences: Franklin’s idea of time is money is confirmed in the film. However, the idea comes off much differently then it would have had Franklin written it. Punctuating these cohesive devices in various locations in sentences: Franklin’s idea of time is money is confirmed in the film. The idea, however, comes off much differently then it would have had Franklin written it. Franklin’s idea of time is money is confirmed in the film. The idea comes off much differently then it would have had Franklin written it, however. Franklin’s idea of time is money is confirmed in the film; however, the idea comes off much differently then it would have had Franklin written it. 5

Numbers Numerals should be used to express numbers in most cases. Except: Beginning of a sentence, heading, title, etc. When used as pronouns (when “one” can be replaced with “a” or “an,” number is unnecessary) Ordinals First through Ninth When “one” occurs without referring to a quantity, per se, and may be awkward as a numeral “zero,” “one,” “two,” or large rounded numbers (a half million people) in circumstances in which the numeral would place unintended emphasis on a precise quantity or would be confusing (example: one of the two trials) But, always use numerals for doses. Example: 1 dose 4 times a day. 6

Sexism The word choice in these sentences might brand the text as “sexist” (even if it was written by a woman): People usually don’t realize that a doctor has to make wise decisions – and he has to do it every single hour. This is the greatest source of his stress. The truth is that there are few jobs known to man that are more stressful than being a physician. Too often people don’t acknowledge the contributions of policemen and mailmen to the advancement of modern life. he = he/she man = humans policemen = police officers mailmen = mail carriers 7

Revising Development Does you essay consistently focus on proving your point in relation to the prompt? Does your essay communicate clearly and/or logicaly? Did you give convincing support/examples, or in other words, did you offer clear, specific examples? Can you explain anything in more detail? 8

Revising Organization Does your essay have a clearly defined introduction, body/discussion section, and conclusion? Does your introduction have a clear thesis? Does your body/discussion section paragraph have a clear topic sentence? Do you clearly develop your point in your body/discussion paragraph? (examples, description, compare/contrast, etc.) Do you need to rearrange parts of your essay to make it more meaningful or logical? Does you conclusion bring the paper to a logical end? 9

Revising Style Did you maintain a consistent point of view (no you)? Did you maintain sentences that are free of excess words and excess sentence stops? Did you avoid using contractions (don’t, can’t, etc.)? Did you incorporate transitions? Did you utilize formal word choices? 10

Revising Mechanics Are there problems with spelling? Are there problems with sentence construction? Are there problems with usage? Are there problems with punctuation? 11