‘It must be me’ The impact on children of parental substance misuse 12 th March 2016

The impact on children of living with parental substance misuse Prevalence Impact Responses Robert Dunne Project Leader Barnardos Lorien Child and Family Service

Prevalence

The National Drugs Prevalence Survey 2010/11 found that 7% of year olds used illegal drugs 587,000 children live with adults who engage in regular, hazardous drinking of these are under 15 years of age 1 in 3 child abuse cases involved parental alcohol abuse 1 in 12 Irish young people said that parental alcohol use affected them negatively

Impact of alcohol reported by adults 9% report children experiencing verbal abuse 5.4% describe children being left in unsafe situations 4.8% of the general population and 9.8% from lower social classes report children witnessing serious violence at home 2.8% spoke of children being physically abused

Prevalance Top three problems most commonly associated with child abuse/neglect and identified in families involved with Child Protection Social work are:  Problem parental alcohol and other drug use  Domestic Violence  Parental Mental health problems

Impact

Developmental impacts of parental substance misuse on children Insecure / disorganised attachments with key care givers. The generational cycle of substance misuse is repeated through the children. Harsh Parenting style-high criticism/low warmth Emotional Distance between parent and child and the burden of silence on the child. I will refer more to this later Being at increased risk of abuse including neglect e.g. medical needs not being met Living with other family member such as grandparents or in foster care because their parents do not have the capacity to appropriately care for them Children being exposed to things that create emotional difficulties for them that can continue into later life A parentified child who takes on inappropriate caring responsibilities in the family

Developmental impacts of parental substance misuse on children A lack of good friends and difficulties in forming relationships with their peers. Poor social skills Lack of routine at home A poor sense of identity and self-esteem Malnutrition, lower than average height and weight Emotional difficulties that can differ across gender. Girls can tend toward ‘acting in’, withdrawing or experiencing depression while boys can tend to ‘act out’ and behave in anti- social ways Children can experience difficulties in regulating and expressing emotions General behavioural difficulties Poor school attendance, delayed learning and/or poor literacy skills A generational cycle of substance misuse that is repeated through the children

Children report Feeling socially excluded Having a sense of not being loved Feelings of low self-worth Taking on responsibility for caring for adult

Impact

Boy aged 12 – “I worry when my mam goes out that she wont come home” Boy aged 13 – “My one wish would be to take the stress of Christmas off my Mam” Boy aged 12 – “I wish mum would spend more time at home and not hanging around the Square with all those people”

What does help look like?

Barnardos Lorien Child and Family Service

The Support Parents Look For I decided to engage with Barnardos to learn parenting skills. Coming from a broken background; I felt I lacked the skills to build healthy relationships with my daughters I was finding it hard to adjust to life as a single mother and felt that Barnardo’s would be helpful I wanted to engage with Barnardo’s to help and support my child with his confidence and to learn how to express himself I was starting to get visitation with my daughters, I didn’t feel confident around toddlers, I needed help around what to do and different ways to engage with them, I was open to starting that process with Barnardos

I decided to engage with Barnardos to help get control back with my daughter I wanted to get help in been consistent with boundaries and to get support with managing temper tantrums I wanted support for myself and the children to help with situations in the family home and around their father, also to look at the impact of my own addiction and their behaviour as a result, to look at loss and grief and to learn to communicate better as a family

Assessment of need

Practical Support

Interagency work

Friendship Group

Individual Work HEARING the Child Work on Emotional Literacy-Feelings and self expression Work on the child’s Understanding of Addiction Loss and language around this

Seasons for Growth Change is a big thing in life Happy safe lives is the path to a happy life Anything that changes is alright. Never give up in what you believe A great life is what you will achieve Great changes are in sight Everything will be alright

Key Messages for Children I didn’t cause it I can’t cure it I can’t control it I can make positive choices for myself I can communicate my feelings I can celebrate myself

In the words of the families “Now I understand the effect that me being passive has had on my children. I am only realising now that I had no boundaries for them as I needed them to forgive me for the fact that I was using drugs.”

“ I realise that I ended up on drugs because my parents didn’t know how to show me they cared about me. I care about my children now I tell them every day.” “The kids are happy to see me so happy and I talk to them constantly, about everything, they know each of them will be listened to.”

“Before I was just living in denial I knew I had to change but didn’t know how. I kept saying will I? Won’t I? Now I am just happy I did it.” “I am no longer afraid of services, now I know they are there to help me and the children.” “I don’t want to look back at why I was using drugs. I want to look forward, focus on my children and get better for them.”

“Barnardos is making me a better father. Since doing the Partnership with Parents I am understanding what my children need from me. I am detoxifying from benzos because I want to be alert so to be able to play with my child.”

Further Information Barnard and Barlow –Good research done on Parental drug dependence Living with the elephant –Growing up with parental substance misuse (Brynna Kroll) Dianne Hogan-Children’s Research Centre: Trinity College Dublin Substance Misuse and Child Welfare Special Interest Group David Hayes