Short Story Essay Notes 11-Sentence Paragraph

Suggested Outline for an 11 sentence Schaffer Paragraph: Topic Sentence (TS) Concrete Detail (CD) Commentary (CM) Concluding Sentence CHUNK CHUNK Ratio: 1 Concrete Detail: 2+ Commentary CHUNK CHUNK

I. Topic Sentence (TS) Subject Opinion Author AND title (if it’s a paragraph that stands alone).   BAD  Roald Dahl’s theme in “Lamb to the Slaughter” is that the weak may have more power than one may think.   GOOD  In Roald Dahl’s short story “Lamb to the Slaughter,” the main theme is that the weak possess more power than one may think. This theme is supported when Mary hits her husband and kills him, creates her own alibi and handles the police without a man present.

Concrete Details May Be: Direct Quotations from the story Paraphrasing (Putting things into your own words) Facts/Examples/Supporting Detail

Incorporate quoted phrases into your own sentence structure & only use the part of the quotation that will help prove your point. GOOD: After Mary’s husband tells her he’s leaving her, “[she] simply walked up behind him and without any pause she swung the big frozen leg of lamb high in the air and brought it down as hard as she could on the back of his head” (Dahl 320). BAD: Mary’s husband tells her he’s leaving her. “Mary Maloney simply walked up behind him and without any pause she swung the big frozen leg of lamb high in the air and brought it down as hard as she could on the back of his head” (Dahl 320).

BRACKETS: You may alter a quotation for clarity by placing the change in brackets. Original: While preparing to create her alibi, Mary stared into the mirror and “both the smile and the voice were coming out better now” (Dahl 320). Adjusted: While preparing to create her alibi, Mary stared into the mirror and “both [her] smile and [her] voice were coming out better now” (Dahl 320).

ELLIPSIS --If you omit material in order to be concise, mark the omission with three periods (called an ellipsis) enclosed in brackets. [. . .] --You do not need to use an ellipsis at the beginning or end of the quotation (it’s understood that you’re taking something from a longer passage).   Original: “The car came very quickly, and when she opened the front door, two policeman walked in. She knew them both—she knew nearly all the men at that precinct—and she fell right into Jack Noonan’s arms, weeping hysterically.   With Ellipsis: After calling the police station, “the car came very quickly and when she opened the front door […] she fell right into Jack Noonan’s arms, weeping hysterically” (Dahl 321). Split the Quotation: After calling the police station, “the car came very quickly and when she opened the front door” she recognized the officer and “she fell right into Jack Noonan’s arms, weeping hysterically” (Dahl 321).

COMMENTARY (CM) Your thoughts, explanations, insight about your concrete details (CD) and how it connects to your claims in your topic sentence Analysis—is not a summary! Answers the “So what?” question It is helpful and professional to start CM with phrases like: “This shows . . . “ “This idea is important because . . .” Because they force you to explain and not just summarize. However, be careful to NOT get stuck on these phrases!

Commentary Example Concrete Detail: After Mary’s husband tells her he’s leaving her, “[she] simply walked up behind him and without any pause she swung the big frozen leg of lamb high in the air and brought it down as hard as she could on the back of his head” (Dahl 320). Commentary: Mary hits her husband over the head because he betrays her love and trust. Commentary: This shows that even though she fits into the typical role of a timid housewife, she possesses the power to take control and be a powerful woman.

Concluding Sentences (CS) Should be similar to topic sentence without saying the EXACT same words. Does NOT need to say both the author and title again. Should show your reader that you have clearly proven your point. Has an “as one can see . . .” feeling.

Conclusion Example Topic Sentence: Concluding Sentence: In Roald Dahl’s short story “Lamb to the Slaughter,” the main theme is the weak have more power than one may think. This theme is supported when Mary hits her husband and kills him, creates her own alibi and handles the police without a man present. Concluding Sentence: Through multiple examples in the story “Lamb to the Slaughter,” Mary’s character portrays someone who rises above society’s standards, and shows us that although one might look weak, anyone can be strong; strong enough to commit a violent crime.

Dead Words Vague Words: Big Bad Good Great A lot Stuff Thing(s) The following words are overused, too vague, or too informal to use in your formal writing. Vague Words: Big Bad Good Great A lot Stuff Thing(s)

Dead Words Contractions Don’t She’ll Haven’t It’ll

Dead Words Personal Pronouns: I Me My Myself We Us Our

Dead Words Second Person Pronouns: You Your You’re Yourself

Number Rule Numbers zero to ten must be spelled out. From 11 on, you may write the numbers numerically. 25, 1001, 1,758,059, etc.

Verb Tense When referring to the action in a story, you MUST write in PRESENT verb tense. When referring to an actual event in history (Cold War, Latimer and Ridley, biblical allusion), you must write in PAST verb tense.

Verb Tense Fix the following: Mary killed her husband after he decided to leave her. Mary kills her husband after he decides to leave her. Mary created an alibi. Mary creates an alibi. Do NOT write “is telling”.

Leads for quotes Go before your quotations to add fluency. Should Reveal: Who is speaking To whom they are speaking What is going on

Add a LEAD “A few minutes later she got up and went to the phone” (Dahl 321). Who says this? To whom is he/she speaking? When did this occur? Mary got back from the grocery store and “a few minutes later she got up and went to the phone” (Dahl 321).

Citing Parenthetical Documentation/Citations – giving credit to the original author by citing: Author’s last name page number where you got that information Use whether you are quoting or paraphrasing from the text. ONE Period ALWAYS goes at the end “A few minutes later she got up and went to the phone” (Dahl 321). Exceptions: when there is a ? or !   “What is it, darling? What’s the matter?” (Dahl 319). “Quick! Come quick!” (Dahl 321).