Dealing with Difficult Situations in the Workplace Using “Fierce” Conversations Conflict Management Amanda Bibby Georgia Department of Audits and Accounts James Smack Office of the Nevada Controller

Learning Objectives Why is it important to resolve conflict in the workplace? What are the main causes of conflict? How can we deal with conflict in the workplace using a fierce conversation method?

Think of a Bad Day at Work What are the most common workplace conflicts for leaders? Respectfully disagreeing with colleagues and leadership. Managing staff without taking over. Coaching staff in a job that they are unqualified for. Providing constructive feedback for inadequate work. Respectfully, saying “no” or “not now” to new tasks when time doesn’t permit. Leading someone that was once a peer. Learning to be managed.

Why is it Important to Resolve Workplace Conflict? Relationships - strained Productivity - decreases Teamwork – destroyed Turnover – increases Conflict MUST be resolved!

Let’s Face the Facts Conflict Will Happen Of employees have to deal with conflict to some degree 85% Hours per week the average employee deals with conflict 2.8 Of employees say they have seen conflict lead to project failure 10% Of employees have seen conflict lead to sickness or absence 25% Of employees have experienced conflict that included insult or personal attack 27% Source: A 2008 International study by CPP, Inc.

Causes of Conflict Different Personalities Different Values Competition Poor Communication

Strategies to Deal with Difficult Situations Interject humor Seek third party mediation Shift perspective Compromise Concede Last, but not least, hold a “FIERCE” conversation.

How Do You Define “Fierce”? What words would you use to define “fierce”?

What if we revisit our definition of “fierce” and it was something different? Robust Intense Strong Passionate Unbridled Eager

In Other Words, a “fierce” conversation is not…

How do we “Keep it Real”?? “While many are afraid of “real”, it is the unreal conversation that should scare us to death” – Susan Scott, “Fierce Conversations” As a leader in today’s workplace, it is your job to make every conversation as “real” as you possibly can. What conversation have you been unable (or perhaps unwilling) to have, that, if you were able to have, could change everything?? Are you “afraid of the dog”??

Seven Principles of “Fierce” Conversations from “Fierce Conversations” by Susan Scott 1. Master the Courage to Interrogate Reality. 2. Come out from Behind Yourself into the Conversation and Make it Real. 3. Be Here, Prepared to be Nowhere Else. 4. Tackle your Toughest Challenge Today. 5. Obey Your Instincts. 6. Take Responsibility for your Emotional Wake. 7. Let Silence do the Heavy Lifting. “When you think of a fierce conversation…think of leadership.”

1. Mastering the Courage to Interrogate Reality A plan will rarely be executed exactly according to plan, reality has a way of creeping into the plan. Life can be a little bit “scratchy” – and this is perfectly normal. What is the conversation that you have been wanting to have, which if you were able to have, might change everything? Ask the provocative question or present the controversial idea, and see what comes back! Careful, when you get feedback, you need to resist the immediate urge to protect your position. Most people want to hear the truth, no matter how uncomfortable that truth may be. “as a leader, you get what you tolerate” – Susan Scott, “Fierce Conversations”

2. Come Out from Behind Yourself into the Conversation and Make it Real Authenticity is a choice, not something you just have. “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives” – Annie Dillard How do YOU feel about yourself, your life, and your work? Write it down. Be honest. This is the fierce conversation you have with yourself. Work is personal. Leadership is personal. You need to make it personal to make it Real.

3. Be Here, Prepared to be Nowhere Else Eliminate Distractions. Give your team member your undivided, pure and focused attention. One conversation at a time, as a leader, you are either enhancing, flat-lining, or doing harm to your relationships with your team. If you or a member of your team feels there is a need for a conversation, that need is real. Hearing the words someone says is only the beginning. Come into the conversation with an open mind and empty hands.

4. Tackle Your Toughest Challenge Today Why does burnout happen? Not because we are trying to solve problems, but we are busy solving the same problems over and over again. Stop playing “Whack a Mole” What is your excuse for not tackling the tough challenge? “I don’t know how to tell you this” says the Ensign. “Fast and straight is usually best” remarked the Admiral. We have the obligation as leaders to provide a clear and concise message. Your vision.

5. Obey Your Instincts Have you ever had a thought that you left unsaid, and it turned out it was exactly right! A valuable tool is to be able to state the things that are left unsaid in a fierce conversation or a meeting environment. Note of caution: Your instincts should not always be presented as the truth. Use a scientific method when presenting. Sometimes, you need to speak in order to find out what you know.

6. Take Responsibility for Your Emotional Wake What do you want to be known for? What legacy would you like to leave? How are the conversations you are having today affecting this legacy? Praise and appreciation…there is just not enough of it. Who needs to hear from you? What is your responsibility for providing understanding as a leader? There are no trivial comments. Avoid blaming, sarcasm, labeling, starting with “if I were you”

7. Let Silence Do the Heavy Lifting The more emotion that is involved in a conversation, the more silence that is required by the leader. Silence is when the work is being done. Using silence to slow down a conversation is a true leadership skill. How can silence teach you how to feel?

Final Thoughts for Dealing with Difficult Situations in the Workplace “In any situation, the person who can most accurately describe reality without laying blame will emerge the leader.” – Edwin Friedman “The problem named is the problem solved.” – Pat Murray “You can make money, or you can make excuses. You can’t make both.” – Jim Guarino