THE EVOLUTION OF DATING

DATING-THE PURPOSE  Dating has three purposes: 1. Socialization-Dating helps individuals build social skills. In dating, individuals must find ways to communicate with one another, to find common interests, to balance one another's personalities, etc. 2. Recreation-Dating is usually meant to be fun. It offers the opportunity to enjoy the company of others. 3. Mate Selection-Eventually, dating will become about finding a life partner— someone whose personality, character traits, values, and so forth are those which fit with yours. The goal is to find someone you can marry.

1700s  Dating was called “courting.”  It’s entire purpose was to find a mate for marriage.  Less about love, more like a business deal.  Parents picked out the man and arranged the date.  Almost always chaperoned  Same-sex relationships were not discussed publically and were not explicitly made an option 1800s  Still a courtship; however, more romance was involved.  Parental influence still a large part of choosing dating partners.  Dates must be chaperoned.

PAUSE TO THINK Do you think arranged dating is ok? What would you do if you could only date a man/woman your parents picked out for you?

Early 1900s:  No longer “courtship,” but “dating.”  Individuals began to be allowed to pick their own partners, rather than parents picking them.  Men had to initiate the date.  Love became a much bigger component when looking for a spouse, as well as compatibility.

Mid 1950s:  The idea of “going steady” developed, meaning exclusively dating  boyfriend and girlfriend.  Men asked the women out.  Men expected to carry out all major activities of the date: walk up to the door to get her, open and close all doors (car, restaurants, etc.), order for the girl, pay for everything, and so forth.  Women submissive in order to help the man feel as though he is fulfilling his manly duties.  Anti-Miscegenation Laws: Interracial/“mixed” dating, marriage, and sexual relations illegal in 30 states

What do these advertisements tell you about the expectations of a woman in the 1950s?

PAUSE TO THINK 1. Men, what do you think a woman’s job is in a relationship? What is the man’s job? 2. Women, what do you think a man’s job is in a relationship? What is the woman’s job?

1960s  Women gained more autonomy—could ask men out on dates (i.e. sadie hawkins dances).  In 1967, the Loving v. Virginia Supreme Court decision made Anti-Miscegenation Laws unconstitutional.  In 1960, the first oral contraceptive was introduced—”The pill”.  Many thought this sparked a “Sexual Revolution”—premarital sex. However, a 1953 Kinsey report on female sexual behavior — found that half of all women had premarital sex. Instead, it made premarital sex more widely acceptable. 1970s  By the 1970s, men stopped having to ask fathers for permission to take their daughters out.  Couples began living together before marriage. However, marriage was still perceived as the next step.  “Dating” still meant exclusively being with one another.  Same-sex couples began to become public in the 1970s.

1960s1970s

1980s:  Dating became far more casual.  More casual interactions such as group dates and co- ed parties.  Marriage no longer seen as the main purpose for dating.  Proms and formals became very popular.

1990s:  Having a title— ”boyfriend/girlfriend”—and commitment no longer necessary for sexual relationship.  Marriage not considered at all as a primary goal of dating.  Internet dating develops.  Same sex couples became much more open about their relationship by this time.

PAUSE TO THINK What would be other reasons for dating, if not to eventually marry?

2000s:  Today, dating goes by several different names and consists of several different stages  Talking  Hooking up  Boo status  Bae  Hubby/wifey status  Friends with benefits  Boyfriend/girlfriend

ACTIVITY Split up into groups of 3-5. Explain what it means to do and/or be each of the following terms:  Talk  Hook up  Hubby/wifey status  Friends with benefits  Dating

ACTIVITY  If we had to interview couples on their dating rules growing up, what would we ask them?  In your same groups, come up with five questions you would ask an older couple about their dating rules when they first began dating.

QUESTIONS

HOMEWORK  Using the questions we came up with together as a class, interview two couples—one older and one younger—on their dating rules.  Record their responses using the “Dating Rules: Interview” activity sheet.  Bring back to class TOMORROW!