Intimacy and Attraction

Take Away Points What are the 4 conditions for intimacy? Interpersonal Magnets Know the 6 listed on this PowerPoint, their definitions, and examples Matching hypothesis – (link to symmetry in faces) Duck’s Filtering Theory of Attraction Different levels Be able to classify an example into the proper level Communicating Attraction Online What are the 5 best ways?

Overview What is intimacy? Who are we intimate with? Attraction How do we explain who we are attracted to? Interpersonal Magnets The Filtering Theory of Attraction How do we best portray ourselves when communicating attraction?

Intimate Relationships What is the difference between a romantic intimate relationship and an intimate friendship? Define What are the expectations of each?

Conditions for Intimacy 1. Physical proximity 2. Shared episodes 3. Intimacy readiness Senior year, Valentine’s Day, Romantic dinners 4. Romantic feelings Physiological arousal and a cognitive label

Attraction How do we determine attraction? How do we communicate attraction?

There are 6 interpersonal “magnets” that attract us to others. Similarities or Differences?

1. Physical attractiveness is the first interpersonal magnet. Matching hypothesis

Humans view symmetrical faces as more attractive.

Physical Beauty (Little et al., 2001) Male facial attractiveness Symmetry Development  good genes BUT matching hypothesis Females with lower “physical attractiveness” more likely to show preference for male with lower “attractiveness”

Physical Beauty (Little et al., 2001) Female participants Rated their own attractiveness Could change the faces to make them “more attractive”

People prefer partners of similar physical attractiveness.

Discussion Question How does communication differ (if at all) if you’re talking to someone below, at, or above your “matching” attractiveness level?

Attractiveness is culturally defined.

2. Similarity is the second interpersonal magnet.

In what areas do we want similarity in a romantic partner? Interpersonal skill levels Cognitive complexity Values Any others???

3. Reciprocal liking is the third interpersonal magnet.

4. The need for affection is another aspect that should be similar.

5. Relational partners often have complementary needs, such as the need for inclusion.

Autocrat (controller)Abdicat (gives control) 6. Another complementary need is the need for control.

Duck’s Filtering Theory of Attraction

Duck’s Filtering Theory Sociological Pre-interaction Interaction Cognitive CuesAttraction

Level one involves sociological or incidental cues.

Level 2 pertains to other pre-interaction cues, such as physical appearance and artifacts.

Level 3 uses interaction cues. Conversational skills Reciprocal liking More interactions decrease filters 1 & 2

Level 4 focuses on cognitive cues about attitudes, beliefs, values, personality, etc. Sociological Pre-interaction Interaction Cognitive CuesAttraction

Think of a person you have been interested in romantically. Write down brief description of each filter level. If it didn’t work out, at which level did it fail?

Communicating attraction can be studied in online dating sites.

Online Dating Communication scholars say that a relationship is more than the sum of two individuals. How would that play a role in online dating?

How do people communicate attraction online? Publish “advice pieces” First message Profile picture Attractiveness ratings

Be literate when communicating in a first message. The average reply rate is 32%

Avoid physical compliments in a first message.

Bring up specific interests in a first message.

Be specific to the person in the first message.

Use an unusual greeting in a first message.

How do the OkCupid rules apply to small talk or talking to a person for the first time? Do these rules apply to texting?

Take Away Points What are the 4 conditions for intimacy? Interpersonal Magnets Know the 6 listed on this PowerPoint, their definitions, and examples Matching hypothesis – (link to symmetry in faces) Duck’s Filtering Theory of Attraction Different levels Be able to classify an example into the proper level Communicating Attraction Online What are the 5 best ways?

References Little, A. C., Burt, D. M., Penton-Voak, I. S., & Perrett, D. I. (2001). Self-perceived attractiveness influences human female preferences for sexual dimorphism and symmetry in male faces. Proceeding of the Royal Society, 268,