Tarbiyat e Aulad Season 3 Dr. Kanwal Kaisser

Education Manners Duniya VS Deen What is Your Focus for Your Child???

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَائِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ لَّا يَعْصُونَ اللَّهَ مَا أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ "O, Believers Save yourselves and your dependents from the fire whose fuel are humans and the stones. over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do (precisely) what they are commanded.” (At- Tahrim:6) Parenting Focus

Abu Hurairah reported Allah's Messenger ﷺ as saying: No child is born but upon Fitra. He then said. Recite: The nature made by Allah in which He created man, there is no altering of Allah's nature; that is the right religion.” (Muslim) Nature of Child

Prophet ﷺ said: “When the son of Adam dies, all his actions have ceased except [three, a continuing charity, beneficial knowledge and] a righteous child who prays for their parent.” (Bukhari, Muslim) Long Term Investment

Under five year Child 5-10 yr Adolescent Understanding Psychology of child

Habit building years Receptive to learning Rebellious and independent Understanding Psychology of child

Crisis of Parents Biggest Worry of Today

Disrespect Violence Immodesty Low grades Materialism Declared Emergency

Capacity to understand right from wrong Strong Ethical Conviction Ability to recognize intention Control impulses Delay gratification Empathize Moral Intelligence

Seven Essentials Teach, Model, Inspire, Reinforce

List of Virtues Empathy Conscience Self-Control Respect Kindness Tolerance Fairness

Empathy Core Moral Emotion “The believers in their mutual kindness, compassion and sympathy are just like one body. When one of the limbs suffers, the whole body responds to it with wakefulness and fever.” (Bukhari)

Allows child to understand how others feel Helps to become more sensitive to needs of others Urges child to do what is right What is Empathy?

Emotional unavailability of parents Absence of supportive fathers Cruel media images Raising boys to mask their feelings Why Crisis?

Show empathy to kids Help children identify different emotions Know what your children watch and listen Point out positive impacts of empathy on others Let your child see your concern for other people’s ‘Hurts and Needs’ Provide opportunities for children to empathize What to Do?

Conscience Strong Inner Voice وَنَفْسٍ وَمَا سَوَّاهَا [٩١:٧] فَأَلْهَمَهَا فُجُورَهَا وَتَقْوَاهَا [٩١:٨] قَدْ أَفْلَحَ مَن زَكَّاهَا [٩١:٩] By the Soul, and the proportion and order given to it; And its enlightenment as to its wrong and its right;- Truly he succeeds that purifies it, (Ash-Shams:7-9)

Helps child decide what is right and what is wrong Helps stay on moral path Gives guilt with sin Cornerstone to develop honesty, responsibility and integrity What is Conscience ?

Rise of violence Increase in peer cruelty Increase of materialism No bonding to Quran and Hadith Why the Crisis?

Strong role modeling In depth study of Quran and Hadith in families Expect and demand moral behavior Problem solving based on Deen Keep watch on toxic influences Appreciate your child on moral grounds What to Do?

Self-Control Restraining Impulses وَاصْبِرْ عَلَىٰ مَا يَقُولُونَ وَاهْجُرْهُمْ هَجْرًا جَمِيلًا And have patience with what they say, and leave them with noble (dignity). (Al-Muzzammil:10)

Think before acts Helps think rationally Delays gratification What is Self-Control?

Overworked stressed out parents Early abuse and trauma Over reliance on drugs to control kids Glorification of out-of-control behavior in media Why the Crisis?

Be living example of self-control Set standards for children to be on media Refrain from instant fulfillment of demands Help deal with stressful conditions Teach via Muslim Heroes What to Do?

Respect Earn It Ibn Abbas narrated that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:" He is not one of us who does not have mercy upon our young, respect our elders, and command good and forbid evil.” (Tirmidhi)

Treats all with consideration because they deserve it Treat others the way you like to be treated Greater respect for self Prevents violence, injustice, hatred What is Respect?

Impact of treating children disrespectfully The decline of civility Increase in obscene language Rudeness flaunted by media Why the Crisis?

Treat children with respect Make courtesy a priority Tell and show how to be respectful Do not tolerate any form of rudeness Monitor your child’s media consumption Explain your standards and expectations to others Make sure kids surrounded by respectful role models What to Do?

Kindness Concern about welfare “The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: ‘I start prayer and I want to make it long, but then I hear an infant crying, so I make my prayer short, because I know the distress caused to the mother by his crying.’” (Ibn Majah)

Less selfish and more compassionate People deserve this Think about needs of others Offers to help needy What is Kindness?

Lack of modeling by parents and adults Not enough encouragement for kindness Desensitization to unkindness Influence of unkind peers Why the Crisis?

Monitor your child media selection Make sure your are positive, affirming role model Take active stand against cruelty Best moments to teach kindness are unplanned Kids learn about kindness from doing deeds What to Do?

Tolerance Appreciate differences It was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar that the Messenger of Allah ( ﷺ ) said: “The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.” (Ibn majah)

Helps understand diversity Help others on basis of character Able to convey goodness in right manner What is Tolerance?

Lack of Moral monitoring Decline of meaningful community support Prejudice and stereotypes displayed on TV Racially charged People Why the Crisis?

Be living textbook of tolerance Help children discover positive traits about people Refuse to allow discriminatory remarks of any kind in your presence Give your child clear identity as Muslim Encourage your children to participate in community activities What to Do?

Fairness Be Just… يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا كُونُوا قَوَّامِينَ بِالْقِسْطِ شُهَدَاءَ لِلَّهِ وَلَوْ عَلَىٰ أَنفُسِكُمْ ye who believe! stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves (An-Nisa:135)

More likely to play by rules Listens to all before making any decision Courage to speak up for those who are treated unfairly What is Fairness?

Early attachment issues Breakdown of role modeling Emphasis on competition Reduction of structured play Why the Crisis?

Expect your child to be fair Do not tolerate any form of peer unfairness Encourage your child to stand for fairness for him and others Teach them assertiveness What to Do?

To get in touch…. Dr. Kanwal Kaisser Dr. Kanwal HamarayBachchay