Unit 9 Communication in conflicts Created by Sally Anello

Conflict humor Conflict humor A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Principles of conflict conflict is natural in relationships conflict is natural in relationships conflict can be expressed overtly or covertly conflict can be expressed overtly or covertly social groups shape the meaning of conflict behavior social groups shape the meaning of conflict behavior conflict can be managed well or poorly conflict can be managed well or poorly conflict can be good for relationships conflict can be good for relationships

Orientation to conflict Lose-lose Lose-lose Win-win Win-win Win-lose Win-lose

Responses to conflict Exit response - I’m outa here! Exit response - I’m outa here! Neglect response – You’re overemotional! Neglect response – You’re overemotional! Loyalty response – Stick it out…. Loyalty response – Stick it out…. Voice response – listen, talk, care, resolve Voice response – listen, talk, care, resolve

Unconstructive Disconfirmation of each other Disconfirmation of each other Poor listening Poor listening Preoccupation with self Preoccupation with self Not supporting, or undercutting, each other Not supporting, or undercutting, each other Cross-complaining Cross-complaining Hostile mind reading Hostile mind reading Frequent interruptions Frequent interruptions Kitchen-sinking Kitchen-sinking Counterproposals Counterproposals Excessive metacommunication Excessive metacommunication Self-summarizing by both partners Self-summarizing by both partners Negative affect Negative affect

Constructive conflict Validation of each other Validation of each other Sensitive listening Sensitive listening Dual perspective Dual perspective Expressed support of each other Expressed support of each other Recognition of other’s concerns Recognition of other’s concerns Asking for clarification Asking for clarification Infrequent interruptions Infrequent interruptions Focus on specific issues Focus on specific issues Compromises and contracts Compromises and contracts Useful metacommunication Useful metacommunication Summarizing the concerns Summarizing the concerns Positive affect Positive affect

Conflict management skills Attention to the relationship level of meaning Attention to the relationship level of meaning Communicate supportively Communicate supportively Listen mindfully Listen mindfully Take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, issues Take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, issues Check perceptions Check perceptions Look for points of agreement Look for points of agreement Look for ways for each to save face Look for ways for each to save face Imagine how you’ll feel in the future Imagine how you’ll feel in the future

Guide for effective communication Focus on overall communication Focus on overall communication Time conflict purposefully Time conflict purposefully Aim for win-win Aim for win-win honor (respect) yourself, partner, and relationship honor (respect) yourself, partner, and relationship Show grace when we’re wrong or when someone apologizes or tries to work with us. Show grace when we’re wrong or when someone apologizes or tries to work with us.

Last word Once a conflict is resolved, put it in the past. It should not be mentioned again in future discussions or conflicts. Once a conflict is resolved, put it in the past. It should not be mentioned again in future discussions or conflicts.

Project Jan and Ken video – transcript is on page of the text. Jan and Ken video – transcript is on page of the text. Answer 6 questions Answer 6 questions Be specific. Use course terminology and concepts in your discussion. Be specific. Use course terminology and concepts in your discussion. You may use concepts from earlier units. You may use concepts from earlier units. Demonstrate your critical thinking by showing your learning in the class. Demonstrate your critical thinking by showing your learning in the class.