Coming Out and Internalized Homophobia Chloe House, Ph.D. Designed by: Chloe House, M.S., Ed.S., ABD Elizabeth Reyes, Ph.D.

Agenda I. Mediating Factors II. Developmental Models III. Internalized Homophobia IV. Vignettes V. Questions/discussion

Mediating Factors in the coming out process  Multiple identities beyond LGBT, multiple development  Racial/cultural  SES  Gender differences  Generational differences

Mediating factors  Fluidity of sexual orientation, especially between lesbian and bisexual –50-85% of lesbians report sexual contact with men (Rust, 1993) –Moving between identities with frequent periods of doubt and questioning = Normal

Mediating Factors  Present goal emphasizes helping mentee coming out to self first, then others  Recognize cultural differences in coming out  Empathy versus sympathy: How do you, as a mentor, use your own experience to help them understand themselves better, rather than assuming that you know exactly what they are experiencing?

Developmental Models  Griffin (1992): Identity Management  McCarn & Fassinger (1996): Lesbian Identity Development  Morales (1990): Ethnic Minorities and Parental acknowledgement  Cass’ 6 stage model (1979)

Identity Management, Griffin (1992) PASSING COVERING IMPLICITLY OUT EXPLICITY OUT LyingCensoringTruth without LGBT labels Affirming LGBT identity I assume you don’t know. I assume you know, but I’m not sure. I know you know. You know I know you know. See me as heterosexual Don’t see me as LGBT You can see me as LGBT if you want to See me as LGBT

Lesbian Identity Development (McCarn & Fassinger, 1996)  Awareness  Aware of feeling or being different, feeling pulled towards women (Individual-I)  Aware of existence of different sexual orientations in people (Group-G)  “I feel pulled toward women in ways I don’t understand.” (I)  “I had no idea there were LGBT people out there.” (G)

Lesbian Identity Development (McCarn & Fassinger, 1996)  Exploration  Exploration of strong/erotic feelings for women (I)  Exploration of one’s position regarding LGBT community as a group (G)  “The way I feel makes me think I’d like to be sexual with a woman.” (I)  “Getting to know LGBT people is scary but exciting.” (G)

Lesbian Identity Development (McCarn & Fassinger, 1996)  Deepening/Commitment  Commitment to self-knowledge, self-fulfillment, and clarity of choices (I)  Commitment to personal involvement with LGBT group with awareness of oppression (G)  “I clearly feel more intimate sexually and emotionally with women than with men.” (I)  “Sometimes I have been mistreated because of being lesbian.” (G)

Lesbian Identity Development (McCarn & Fassinger, 1996)  Internalization/Synthesis  Synthesis of love for women, sexual choices into overall identity (I)  Internalization of identity as a member of a minority group, across contexts (G)  “I am deeply fulfilled by my relationships with women.” (I)  “I feel comfortable with being lesbian no matter where I am or who I am with.” (G)

Sexual Identity Development among Ethnic Minority Gays and Lesbians (Morales, 1990) I.Denial of conflicts  Minimization of the reality of discrimination  Pre-defined sexual orientation  Few consequences of sexual orientation/ethnicity are perceived

Sexual Identity Development among Ethnic Minority Gays and Lesbians (Morales, 1990) II. Bisexual vs. Gay or Lesbian  People of color may be more likely to identity as bisexual because of the consequence of a homosexual orientation in the ethnic community  Actual sexual behaviors/affectional orientation may not differ radically from those who identify as gay or lesbian

Sexual Identity Development among Ethnic Minority Gays and Lesbians (Morales, 1990) III. Conflicts in allegiances  Anxiety is produced as a result of awareness of simultaneous ethnic minority and gay, lesbian, or bisexual status  May segment, or compartmentalize identity in order to keep status separate  May experience multiple affiliation as a betrayal of one or both statuses

Sexual Identity Development among Ethnic Minority Gays and Lesbians (Morales, 1990) IV. Establishing priorities in Allegiances  Primary identification with ethnic identity prevails  Resentment commonly arises due to lack of integration among communities  Anger and rage in response to rejection experiences in GLB community due to racism

Sexual Identity Development among Ethnic Minority Gays and Lesbians (Morales, 1990) V. Integration of communities  Integration of lifestyle and ethnicity becomes a major concern  Anxiety, isolation, and/or alienation may arise in response to attempts to integrate  Not all will choose to integrate identities (Western notion)

Factors which mediate impact of family reaction:  Strength of religious values  Family values regarding traditional gender roles  Family’s view of itself in relation to the community Parental adjustment to disclosure (Morales, 1990)

I. Subliminal Awareness  A non-heterosexual orientation may be suspected because of specific behaviors, same sex-friends, not dating heterosexually, dress and language use, changes in communication (not addressing certain subjects) Parental adjustment to disclosure (Morales, 1990)

II. Impact A. Occurs when the truth is made apparent B. The revelation crisis: the negotiation of new family roles 1.Experience of loss of the member’s previous family role 2.Feelings of guilt/failure (for “abnormality”) 3.Siblings may react with anger/confusion, experienced as stranger despite shared childhood Parental adjustment to disclosure (Morales, 1990)

III. Adjustment  Involves the family’s initial attempt to adapt to the non-heterosexual family member  Role clarification and adjustment Parental adjustment to disclosure (Morales, 1990)

IV. Resolution  The family discards the fantasized heterosexual identity for the non- heterosexual identity of the family member  Family members begin to examine their own values about non-heterosexuality and modify them in light of new and often intimate knowledge of non-heterosexual persons Parental adjustment to disclosure (Morales, 1990)

V. Integration  Family adjusts values in order to incorporate the non-heterosexual identity into the family  Family members learn to de-emphasize the small part of the non-heterosexual family member’s identity that is different and retain the majority of the person’s known and loved attributes Parental adjustment to disclosure (Morales, 1990)

The Coming Out Process (Cass, 1979) I. Pre-coming out/Identity Confusion Stage  A preconscious awareness of one’s feelings  A vague awareness of difference from nongay others  May be unable to articulate the source of the difference

The Coming Out Process (Cass, 1979) II. Coming out/Identity Comparison  Coming to terms with feelings and attractions  Coming out to one’s self  Beginning to tell others  Conflict between heterosexual identity status and emerging identity

The Coming Out Process (Cass, 1979) III. Exploration/Identity tolerance  Sexual and social experimentation/ the second adolescence  Finding supportive others/ communities  Self-statement: “I am probably gay”  Learning new terms to self-identify  Balancing who to come out to and when

The Coming Out Process (Cass, 1979) IV. First Relationship/Identity Acceptance  Learning about relationships and breaking up  Learning to function in same gender relationships  Building comfort with LGBT community  Knowing when to pass as straight, when not to  Developing the chosen family  Developing relationships which match one’s values  Finding one’s place within the culture

The Coming Out Process (Cass, 1979) V. Identity Pride  May value LGB identity over nongay identity  Immersion in the LGB culture  In group/out group pitfalls

The Coming Out Process (Cass, 1979) VI. Integration/Identity Synthesis  Strong comfort with social and sexual self  Consolidation of identity (personal and public selves)  Refocus on other developmental tasks  Sexual identity recedes into other aspects of identity

Internalized homophobia  Negative feelings to self-hate resulting from living in a heterosexist environment that devalues, stigmatizes and denigrates nonheterosexuals  Feelings of personal disgust, shame, and hostility  Part of sexual identity development is acknowledging prejudice in the environment and its incorporation in the self

Internalized Homophobia  Moral and Religious attitudes –I believe homosexuality is a sin.  Attitudes toward other LGBT people –I wish some gay men wouldn’t “flaunt” their sexual orientation.  Personal feelings about being LGBT –I hate myself for being attracted to the same sex.  Public Identification as LGBT –I live in fear that someone will find out I am LGBT.  Connection to LGBT community –Social situations with other LGBT people make me feel uncomfortable.

Internalized homophobia  Internalized homophobia is positively correlated with depression and anxiety and negatively correlated with self-esteem (Szymanski & Chung, 2001)  Internalized homophobia and partner’s level of internalized homophobia is negatively correlated with being out at work (Rostosky & Riggle, 2002)

Vignette #1: Kathy A 19 y.o. Caucasian female who identifies as straight. She is currently in her first serious relationship with a female, though she has dated males and females casually in the past. She is having a hard time calling her girlfriend her girlfriend. Though she does not attend church, she insists to her girlfriend that her Catholicism taught her that marrying a man and having a family is important and that she doesn’t want to get too attached. She asks her mentor how she can help make the girlfriend understand, or if she should break up.

Vignette #2: T (Thanh) T is a 23 y.o. first generation Vietnamese American male. He shares strong concerns that others not find out he meets with you. He is recognizing he can no longer ignore his feelings for men. He has told one friend with a positive response. He doesn’t know where to start, how to meet people, and how to date men.

Vignette #3: Nate Nate is a 20 y.o. African American male who identifies as gay. He has been out to his family and friends for a year now, mostly with positive response. He is currently struggling with where he fits in: he tells you his gay friends thinks he talks about race too much, and his nongay and/or Black friends make homophobic remarks. He asks you about either ending connections to the LGBT community or if he should come out to more of his friends.

Questions?

Thank you for being a mentor!