LESSONS 35, 36 AND 37 – PEER PRESSUREAND DEFENDING SKILLS Teen Leadership

Agree or Disagree  If you suspect someone is being hurt you should tell someone of authority about it.

Agree or Disagree  If you suspect someone is being hurt you should immediately and directly intervene.

Agree or Disagree  It should be your legal obligation to intervene when you see someone in distress.

Agree or Disagree  It should be your moral obligation to intervene when you see someone in distress even if you don’t know the person.

Agree or Disagree  Getting picked on is just a part of life and something everyone needs to go through in order to grow up.

38 Who Saw Murder  Read the text then we will answer questions as a class.  How did the citizens of Kew Gardens, Queens, react to the attack on Kitty Genovese?  Why did they react that way?  Could the victim have been saved? If so, how?  Were the witnesses obligated to respond to the attack?  Fill out the chart at the end of the reading.

Peer Pressure vs. Peer Influence  Peer Influence is the effect that our peers have on our thinking and behavior. This can certainly be positive in many situations.  However, when it is negative in nature, it is then called peer pressure. This is pressure by someone else to do something negative that we probably would not do on our own.  Turn to page 63 and take some notes on the types of Peer Pressure.

Three Types of Peer Pressure  Overt – This is a very direct, straightforward type of pressure (It would be like someone coming up to you directly and saying, “Hey man, take this pill…you’ll love it).  Covert – This is usually done in a subtle, joking way (hidden or undercover pressure). Let’s say you wanted to run for class president, but a “friend” didn’t want you to. He might say, “YOU’RE going to run? Who’s going to vote for YOU?”  Situational – This is being in the wrong place at the wrong time. This is putting yourself in the wrong situation and not knowing how to get out of it. (Ex: going on a date with someone you hoped would treat you with respect…but instead being pressured into maybe doing something you don’t want to do)

Where does peer pressure come from?  “Peer” pressure comes to us in the form of data or information  TV  Radio  Computers  Interaction with Others  Newspapers, Magazines, Books Turn to page 64 and let’s read the text on Peer Pressure.

 We are bombarded with information and our job is to screen the data as it comes to us.  We need to use our VALUES, our PRINCIPLES, and our STANDARDS to help us screen the information and pressure we receive from others in order to make decisions that are right for us.  This refers to all kinds of pressure in our lives…pressure to be something we are not, pressure to believe in things that go against our values/principles, pressure to do or get involved in something we should not

Defending Skills  Defending skills can help us deal with unwanted pressures from others.  Defending skills include protecting yourself physically, as well as your ideas, principles, and values.  Essentially being able to say no is the basic defending skill.

Saying NO  Words – Actually use words to communicate your message. But keep in mind that only 7% of our actual message is conveyed with words.  Through Body Language – Remember 55% of every message is conveyed through body language…posture, facial expressions, arm/hand positions. Use a disapproving stare, closed posture, etc. to say no.  Through Tone of Voice – Remember 38% of every message is conveyed through tone of voice. Use an emphatic tone of voice when you say no.  But keep in mind…you must make sure your body language and your tone of voice match and both communicate no.

 Sometimes we find ourselves in pressure situations where it is hard to say no. (Ex: people wanting us to do something for them such as lying, helping them cheat or steal, etc.)  Therefore, we need to come up with other ways to say no without ruining relationships, making people angry with us, etc.  But no matter what, remember that when you say NO, you are saying YES to who YOU ARE and what YOUR principles are…and that is MOST important!  Turn to page 65 in your manual to read the information on Defending Skills.

“P to the 5 th ”  Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance  Being prepared for pressure situations ahead of time helps you handle such situations more productively.  Being aware of where and how peer pressure comes to us helps us develop a plan of action AHEAD of time.

Handling Other Uncomfortable Situations  As you know, there are often other situations that come up in our lives that can make us uncomfortable and that go against what we value.  It is important to be able to handle those situations effectively too…by still living up to our values, but also in a way to not damage a relationship that may be important to us

Use of Silence  Turn to page 67 in your Student Manual and take some notes as we go along.  Sometimes being silent can be an effective way to deal with a situation.  Silence can be simply ignoring something completely, or using our body language to send a message without actually saying anything.  Example: If someone treats you disrespectfully or says something inappropriate to you…depending what was done and what was said, the way you respond may be different if you are alone with that person, or if you are in a group setting. With others around, you may use silence to handle the situation to not cause a scene and possibly damage your image.  Use moments of silence when it may be inappropriate to say something publically in a large group or that may cause a scene. But, later, IN PRIVATE, do talk to that individual and tell him/her never to do that or say that to you again. Be appropriate, but assertive in doing so.

In difficult situations…remember the following:  Be respectful whenever possible.  Be specific.  Stick to the subject at hand.  Ask specific questions, and continue until you get specific answers.  When you think you have the situation understood, repeat back what you think you have heard.  If the situation gets out of hand, ask when you can get back together to discuss it further.  Respect the other person’s position and expect him to respect yours.  Remember to do what you can to maintain the relationship.  You can compromise a point, but YOU MUST NEVER COMPROMISE YOURSELF!

 When people intrude or force themselves or their opinions into your life, you must be able to effectively respond without compromising YOUR values, standards, and principles.  In addition, IF this person is important enough to maintain the relationship, you must think about the way in which you handle the situation so as to not negatively impact the relationship.

Refusal Statements  Refusal statements are things you can say when you are faced with situations and with people who intrude or force themselves and their opinions into your life.  Broken-Record Technique: If someone is pressing a point with you or just won’t stop repeat a statement over and over again, such as “I understand” or “I hear what you are saying” or “Thanks for sharing that with me”  If they ask your opinion and you don’t want to give it, you can say: “I’d rather not say” or “I’m not going to discuss that right now”  If they are requesting something from you, you can say: “I don’t have time right now” or “That’s not something I can do”  If they are insistent and won’t give up, say: “You’re just going to have to accept my answer.”

Journal  Explain how knowing YOUR values, standards, and principles can assist you in handling pressure situations in life. Give examples if you can to strengthen your response.