Memoir Adding detail to your writing

Examples of telling vs. showing Telling: The girls were excited Showing: Giggles and screams filled the arena. The soft curls were now damp with perspiration and anticipation of the event. They held tight to each other in a mock effort to contain themselves. Arms flailed upward, and voices echoed in varying tones. The moment was here.

Examples of telling vs. showing Telling: He is angry Showing: Sitting at his desk, his jaw tightened. His eyes flashed heat waves at me. The words erupted from his mouth, “I want to talk to you after class.” The final hiss in his voice warned me about his feelings.

Exercise Select one of the following situations (or one of your choosing) and practice showing, not telling  First concert you attended  A sporting event you observed/played in  Engaging in your favorite pastime/hobby (Ex. Playing an instrument)  Your happiest moment

What is a thoughtshot? Thoughtshots are another way to include detail in your writing. A thoughtshot allows the writer to pause and reflect on a particular event or a detail. For example, you could write “My mother always sat down in front of the television after dinner.” But a thoughtshot would be far more interesting to read.

I don’t know why my mother always sat down in front of the television after dinner. Perhaps it was the only time she really had for herself. My sister and I always had to do the dishes. My step- father usually went out to the garage to work on the old Buick that he always thought he could get up and running someday. Maybe Mom just liked being alone with her game show. She always watched Jeopardy with Alex Trebeck. I think she thought Alex was handsome and smart. Maybe she dreamed that Alex would come into our living room one day and swoop her off to game show land. Mom knew a lot of the answers on Jeopardy, and she’d call them out to the television as if those contestants could hear her. “Where is China!” she’d yell. I always thought it was sort of dumb, and I remember one time my best friend Angela was over at my house. She heard my mother and looked at me like I was weird.

Exercise Choose a trait that you want show about yourself Examples: loyalty, sense of humor, outgoing, dedicated, uninhibited, etc. Think of an example that will show the trait and express it through a thoughtshot.