The Marriage Relationship Understanding Relationships 2-4

Warm Up Please take out your note organizer and look over it Negative Relationships (2-3) Quiz will be given at 12:30

4 Types of Love Altruistic Love –Based on the concern a person has for the well- being of another –A person enjoys helping and providing for a mate Companionate Love –A feeling of deep friendship –These couples have mutual respect and affection for their mates –They have similar interests and goals –This is the most common type of love in the daily lives of married couples

4 Types of Love Cont. Romantic Love –Reaches a peak during engagement or early marriage –A very emotional type of love –They ignore the rest of the world and create their own world –Seldom lasts Sexual Love –It is the extension of the intimacy and communication of the relationship. –It helps marriage partners confirm their love for each other

♥Complete “Types of Love” Worksheet ♥On the back side of the sheet, complete the following: ♥Rank the 4 types of love in the order of their importance in a marriage with number one being the most important. Write an explanation for your ranking.

Do you marry a mate or a family? Get into groups of two, pick up a piece of paper and discuss the following statement: –“My mate is marrying me, not my family. It doesn’t matter what they think.” –Be prepared to answer the following questions in class: What does this statement mean? Does your group agree?

Warm Up What are 5-10 things that influence a marriage to be successful? Be prepared to share!

Factors that Influence Marital Success Family Background –Family Lifestyle Where you have grown up- different views on everything –Family Relationships The types of relationships family members have together –Family Customs From what holidays you celebrate to who takes care of the children

Factors that Influence Marital Success Cont. Personal Priorities, Goals, and Standards –Personal Priorities Do you both consider the same things important? –Goals Do your goals help or hinder each other’s? –Standards Couples need to share similar standards

Factors that Influence Marital Success Cont. Emotional Maturity –The more emotionally mature couples are, the better their chances are for successful marriages –They are in control of their lives –They deal with reality rather than fantasy –They accept responsibility for the consequences of their decisions –They are willing to share, cooperate, and compromise –They talk about problems, they don’t just ignore them

Factors that Influence Marital Success Cont. Age for Marriage –The younger the couples are when they marry, the less likely they are to have a successful marriage –Teenage Marriages Lack emotional maturity Financial demands are too high –Lack of education and training to get a good job

Read “Teen Marriages” and answer questions directly on the sheet. You can keep the article when you are done reading and answering questions.

Factors that Influence Marital Success Cont. Social Activities –Having fun is an important part of married life –Need common interests –A healthy social life should include activities with other people –Both will bring different friends into the marriage and together, you will gain new couple friends

Factors that Influence Marital Success Cont. Parental Approval –Studies show that most successful marriages have the consent of all parents –Why is parental approval important? It shows that the parents realize their child is mature enough to be married It shows that they are supportive of the relationship –Why do some parents disapprove? They may recognize some weak traits in the person that their child wants to marry

Factors that Influence Marital Success Cont. Attitude Toward Marriage –Too many people think marriage means “happily ever after” All marriages have conflict and challenges –People with positive attitudes see marriage as a long-term goal –People with less positive attitudes see marriage as a temporary relationship that may end someday

Write out a plan that will help you have a successful marriage. –What will you do to make sure it’s successful? –Think of at least things you can do as a couple to have a successful marriage

Watch “Let’s Get Married”

Engaged to Be…..... married, of course! It goes without saying that engagement is a statement of intention to marry, but there are other, perhaps less obvious, functions of engagement as well?!??

Engagement ??? Establish Yourselves as a Couple Spend Time Together Get to Know Each Other Better Observer Each Other in a Variety of Situations Discover Similarities and Differences Seek Counsel or Advice Arrange for a place to live Plan the Wedding Reconsider the Marriage if Necessary

Engagement Warning Signs A successful engagement is one that either confirms the wish to marry or the fact that marriage would be a mistake. While breaking an engagement is not easy, it is far better than entering a lifetime commitment with serious doubts.

WARNING :This marriage may be Hazardous to your Happiness! Too much Dependency on one person Great Differences in Values, Goals, Expectations Lack of Family Approval and Support Excesses – Drug, Alcohol, etc. Abusive Behavior Brief Acquaintance Frequent Quarrels or Fights Guilt or Pressure Motivations to Marry Personal History of Frequent Changes (Jobs, Friends, Etc) Under Eighteen or Shows signs of Immaturity

Becky and Joe had been dating for 4 1/2 years. They were both in their senior year of college when they got married. Everyone thought they were the perfect couple. He was a big football star, but had suffered enough injuries that he knew he wanted another career. She had been a cheerleader all through high school. They had both been obsessed with taking care of their bodies. Perhaps that is what brought them together; they both spent so much time in the gym. Their marriage had been relatively trouble free for three years and everyone marveled at how well they had taken care of themselves. They both looked as good, if not better, than in their college days. However, one problem had surfaced. Case Study

Joe wanted children. They both had stable jobs and he was ready to start a family. Becky had been putting of having a baby for over a year now and Joe could not understand why. One night they got into a heated discussion about having children. Becky expressed her feelings. She told Joe that she really did not want to bear a child. She felt adoption was a more reasonable way of getting a child. Her rationale was that they both had spent many years refining their bodies. Why should she be expected to suddenly give up her body to have a baby? She had seen birth films when she was in college and she did not want to go through that process. Joe was devastated. What would happen now?

DISCUSSION: 1.Would it have helped if Joe had known this about Becky before they were married? 2.How could this problem have been identified then? 3.What could have been done before marriage about the problem? 4.While Joe probably assumed that Becky wanted children and was willing to give birth to them, only half of his assumption was true. 5.Never assume that you know how your partner feels about ideas and important issues. These are differences of opinion that could cause a great deal of stress later in the marriage.

Activity “A Cents of Floating” Fill out sheet after test floats

Students pair up into teams of two Give each team 10 drinking straws Each team has 15 minutes to design and build a raft using the straws and masking tape they are given (10 straws and 25 inches of masking tape this time) The object is to build a raft so it will hold the most pennies before sinking Teams may NOT try to see how well their raft floats before the official float Team members themselves will take pennies and place them ONE at a time on the raft, until it goes under Teams will have a second chance to rebuild their raft after all teams have gone once They will have to use the same straws but will be given a new 25 inches of masking tape

♥If you could pick a perfect marriage proposal, what would it be? Your assignment is to write your ideal marriage proposal. You need to include the following: –Where did it happen? –Who proposed to whom? –What did he/she say? –Any additional thing you need to include to make it perfect for you, such as: Were you surprised? What were you wearing? What did you do afterwards?

Seeing Double As a single person, you think with your own individual point of view. As a Married Person, you must adjust to being part of a couple. You must think in terms of “we” not just “I”. The challenge is to learn to see things as a couple while maintaining your own individuality at the same time. I want We want I willWe will I need We need I wish We wish I should We should I Expect We expect I planWe plan You

Watch Movie “The American Wedding”

Marriage Make a comic strip of a couple trying to adjust to married life.

Quiz Next Class Period Quiz on Marriage Relationships next class period –Topics/Notes start from the four types of love and go through Marriage