Romantic Love

Characteristics of Romantic Love one and only love at first sight idealization of lover

synonymous with “falling in love” synonymous with “falling in love” love winning over all love winning over all no patience no patience spontaneous spontaneous

rush of excitement, ecstasy pleasure/no pain perfect love

fantasy last forever basis for marriage love is a feeling

Development of Romantic Love Courtly Period (Age of Chivalry). It was established during the Middle Ages among the nobility. People married for practical reasons, not for love. Lover is outside of marriage (usually a chaste relationship). Knights would pledge themselves to a noble woman whom they revered (chivalry).

Romantic Era (17th Century). One also married out of duty; yet, had a romantic lover outside of marriage (sexual).

Modern Period. Today, we have combined romanticized love and sex with marriage. We believe that romance and sex will be the most important ingredients of a marriage.

Why Romantic Love is Harmful It has created the “Double Standard” It dehumanizes a person and a relationship--it makes a person something that they aren’t It uses sex as a lure

Does not allow for the facing of conflict Creates unrealistic expectations---these in turn breed disillusionment, despair, and resentment

It has no patience. It’s a perfect love--not perfect after you get to know each other It idealizes the loved one, thus depri- ving the relationship of equality and realistic expectations disappointment follows, when expec- ting the intense feelings will continue

Why Falling in Love is not Love The experience (feeling) of falling in love is a sex-linked erotic experience The ecstatic experience is temporary. Eventually, reality intrudes upon the union [making or breaking point in a relationship] Falling in love is not a conscious choice- -may catch us when not ready

Love is an extension of one’s limits which requires effort; falling in love does not (lazy) It has little to do with nurturing one’s human development

Summary of Romantic Love It is a philosophy based on false hopes, unrealistic and idealistic expectations which creates illusions As a result, disillusionment, resentment, and despair are developed which can lead to serious problems Instead of fulfilling all our dreams, it creates expectations inconsistent with reality