Connecting with your Child using the 5 Love Languages Parent Academic Support Session presented by: Karynn Katz, Parent Involvement Educator & Megan Thomas, School Social Worker November 18, am & 6pm Cold Spring School

Agenda Icebreaker Objectives Foundation of the 5 Love Languages Explanation of each of the Love Languages Tips for each of the Love Languages How to identify your child’s Love Language Evaluation

Icebreaker Think of someone you’re really close to, what is a way they can show you they love you?

Objectives Connect with each of your children based on their personality Improve your child’s attitude and behavior at home Increase your child’s confidence Learn ways to show your child love in a way that he or she can truly feel it * * All of these objectives will help your child be a better student because their self-esteem, confidence and drive to succeed will improve. * *

Foundation of the 5 Love Languages By speaking your child’s own love language, you can fill his “emotional tank” with love. Unconditional love is a full love that accepts and affirms a child for who he is, not for what he does. Unconditional love carries the most powerful messages. No child can receive too much unconditional love. A child’s emotion love tank must be filled before discipline or learning can occur. You may truly love your child, but unless she feels it– she will not feel loved. No one is perfect, of course, and you cannot expect yourself to love unconditionally all of the time. But as you move toward that goal, you will find that you are more consistent in your ability to love, no matter what.

Physical Touch ~ Explanation Studies indicate that many parents touch their children only when it is necessary: when they are dressing or undressing them, putting them in the car, or carrying them to bed. Physical touch is the easiest love language to use unconditionally because parents need no special occasion or excuse to make physical contact. A hug given as he leaves each morning may be the difference between emotional security and insecurity throughout the day. A hug when a child returns home may determine whether your child has a quiet evening of positive mental and physical activity or make s rambunctious effort to get your attention. Most physical touch for school-aged children will come through playing games.

Words of Affirmation ~ Explanation In communicating love, words are powerful (both words of affection and cutting words) Because children tend to think concretely, we need to help them understand what we mean when we express our love. Affection and love mean expressing appreciation for the very being o f the child. We express praise for what a child does. If you praise too frequently, your words will have little effect. Make sure the praise is true and justified. The goal is to catch your child doing something good and commend them for it. The greatest enemy for encouraging our children is anger. The more anger a parent harbors, the more they will dump on their children.

Quality Time ~ Explanation Even negative attention seems better than no attention to a child. Much childhood misbehavior (even if the child’s primary love language is not quality time) is an attempt to get more time with Mom or Dad. Quality time is focused, undivided attention. It’s easier to give physical touch and words of affirmation than quality time. Few of us have enough hours in the day to get everything done as it is; giving a child quality time may mean that we have to give up something else. It gives the message, “You are important. I like being with you.” The most important factor in quality time is not the event itself but hat you are doing something together, being together. It does not require that you go somewhere special. Quality time not only means doing things together, but is is a means for knowing your child better.

Receiving Gifts ~ Explanation When a parent offers a gift if the child will clean his room, this is not a true gift but payment for services rendered. If we do not present gifts as expression of love, children may learn to receive them as “what is to be expected.” Never buy a nonessential toy if you can’t afford it. Be careful. It’s often tempting to shower children with gifts as a substitutes for the other love languages. Don’t let advertisers determine what you buy for your children. Examine toys closely, asking yourself questions such as, “What message does this toy communicate to my child?” Not all gifts come from the store. You may find a special gift as you walk down a winding road or even across a parking lot. Gifts can also be made out of household items.

Acts of Service ~ Explanation Acts of service are physically and emotionally demanding, so it is important to pay attention to your own physical and emotional health. If parents give in to desires or even demands for too many gifts or too much service, children will remain childishly self-centered and become selfish. Acts of service can become a model for your child’s service and responsibility. Children with full love tanks are far more likely to pick up on that loving model of service than children who are uncertain of their parents’ love. Acts of service must be age appropriate. You should do for your children what they cannot do for themselves. We serve our children, but as they are ready, we teacher them how to serve themselves and others. When parents recognize and respond to requests and give help with a loving and positive attitude, the child will go away with a full love tank. But when parents refuse to respond to needs, or do so with harsh or critical words, the child may have a discouraged spirit.

Physical Touch ~ Tips Hold hands Hug often Tickle fun Read stories together on the couch or with your child on your lap Let your child hold or cuddle a soft item Snuggle closely together while watching TV Play games or sports together that require physical touch Stroke your child’s hair or rub their back when they tell you about a difficult day or are upset Shortly after disciplining your child, take a moment to give them a hug to show them the discipline was based on the consequences of their wrongful choices but that you still love and cherish them as your child.

Words of Affirmation ~ Tips Write notes on the mirror Always say, “I love you” Praise them aloud around others Write letters to them Come up with a cheer or song with their name in it Be specific in your praise Take a picture or other creation your child has made and frame it with a note of why it means so much to you. Call your child at home whenever you think of them just to say, “I love you.” Create a special name of affection for your child that is only used between the two of you. When you have to be out of town for work or other reasons, leave a series of short notes for your child, one for each day you are apart.

Quality Time ~ Tips Run errands one-on-one together Date night/breakfast one-on-one Make eye contact Ask about their day Pay attention to details Plan special events/trips Eat together as a family Read together Bedtime routine Go for walks/bike rides

Receiving Gifts ~ Tips Keep a small stash of inexpensive gifts Give them a flower or stone you find outside Leave gifts for them when you’re out of town Shop with them for a special gift Send them on a gift treasure hunt Buy or make a special ring or necklace that is just from you Create a “secret drawer” where your child can keep her small “treasures” Select presents that fit the interests of your child Start a collection of unique gift boxes and wrapping papers that can be used to package even the most simple of presents

Acts of Service ~ Tips Practice sports together Work together on a project Check homework Pick them up on time Surprise them by doing a chore for them Teach them how to serve others Help your child pick out their outfit for the day Occasionally wake up early to make a special breakfast Make a list of several of your child’s favorite things they do with you. Then periodically do one of their favorites when they least expect it. Create flash cards for your child’s upcoming test or quiz. Work together with your child until they feel comfortable with the material.

How to Identify your Child’s Love Language Your Child Love Languages Mystery Game (hand-out) Love Languages Personal Profile for Teens (hand-out) It will only do a profile if you select that your child is or a Teen Yourself Love Languages Personal Profile for Couples (hand-out) Love Languages Personal Profile for Singles (hand-out) Select “Myself” Select “Single” or “Relationship”

Resources Children’s Museum Access Pass Praise Hand-outs

Let’s take some time to figure this out! If your child is here with you, play the Love Languages Mystery Game with them! If your child is not here with you, see what your love language is by completing the Love Languages Personal Profile for Couples or Singles.

Questions & Evaluations Does anyone have any questions? Please fill out the Evaluation form on your table!