Thomas Gagliano Keynote Speaker and Life Mentor Published Author BULLYING WEBINAR

 Both the bully and victim suffer from an inner pain  The victim acts in their pain, believing they deserve to be punished  The victim acts out their pain, hurting others the way they are hurting inside THE COMMON THREAD

 It is important to have consistent actions  Actions will not be effective without consistency  The parent may have to challenge their own belief system  Children should be given the tools to control their own behavior and make good choices TIPS

 We should not force children to take actions that they don’t want to do  Or when they get older, they will stop taking those actions  Healthy habits are established when the child learns by their own actions and are not forced by their parents to take actions HEALTHY HABITS

 The key is to get the child to enjoy doing healthy behaviors in order for them to become healthy habits  The parents should take inventory if their expectations are not being met  Try to teach the child in a different way KEY TO SUCCESS

 Continuous bullying usually arises from an internal deficiency  A bully lacks empathy for themselves  Therefore, he or she lacks remorse  They do not change their actions because they gain power, control, and self- righteousness DEFINING A BULLY

 To understand a bully, we need to understand the mindset of a child  Children are egocentric  They view the world as if they are the center of the universe  The world revolves around them  When the child’s caregivers act in abusive or neglectful ways the child does not see this as such  Instead, they believe something is wrong with them UNDERSTANDING A BULLY

 If both the parents are working, the child may not see this as such  The child may believes that if they were important enough, the parents would work less and spend more time with them  The child is not old enough to articulate this feeling of unworthiness  As the child grows up, he or she may act out this anger on others or act in this feeling by becoming victims to bullies HOW BULLYING HAS CHANGED IN TODAY’S SOCIET

 It is important for parents to understand the mindset of a child  Otherwise the parents may create an overindulged child  This could lead to addictions as the person tries to fix their eternal wound CONSEQUENCES OF PARENTING

 The media may enhance the mindset of a bully  The media tortures some adolescents, separating us into winners and losers  Today, the media is more powerful with the advent of cell phones and the computer  Children bully others because of their weight or clothes or being different  This better than mentality tells children in adolescence if you are not part of this group, then you should be treated differently MEDIA AND BULLYING

 If the child keeps going to the time out chair, a consequence should be given  The consequence should be given with the message that it was the child’s choice that created the consequence  Children need to learn that there are rules that need to be followed in the real world CONSEQUENCES

 Parents should be aware of their self-perception  If they have a negative sense of self, then they will hand this message down to their children  Parents should not create a relationship where the child feels responsible for the parents feelings  Or the child may identify themselves by how others feel about them  Parents should not fight in front of their child AWARENESS

 It is important to develop healthy coping mechanisms to stop the destructive dance of the child controlling the parents  Parents should ignore bad behavior and validate healthy actions THE DESTRUCTIVE DANCE

 Setting boundaries creates two positive outcomes  1: The child learns to stop the destructive dance  2: Positive actions are those that will draw the parent’s attention BOUNDARIES

 When children enter adolescence, they begin to free themselves from the chains of their childhood  The adolescent is dealing with an increase in hormones which creates stronger emotions  There is a greater urge to act out  This is the stage where the adolescent starts to challenge authority figures  The adolescent may fight an internal battle pitting the need to belong versus the knowledge of knowing what is right and what is wrong ADOLESCENCE

 This is the stage where the adolescent starts to challenge authority figures  The adolescent may fight an internal battle, pitting the need to belong versus the knowledge of knowing what is right and what is wrong  Are there values strong enough to outweigh their need to belong? IMPORTANCE OF VALUES

 Create a safe environment at home where the child can share their feelings  Even if these feelings are ones that the parent does not want to hear THE FIRST ACTION FOR PARENTS

 Parents should be curious with their children  Be interested in the child’s life  Monitor the sites they are on and know who their friends are  This gives them the message that they matter BE CURIOUS

 Parents should confer with their inner child  When the child struggles, parents should stop and think about what they wanted to hear from their own parents at that age  Let that compassion guide what you say CONFER WITH YOUR INNER CHILD

 There are times parents should relinquish the need to be right with their children  Choose closeness instead  Identify with the child’s struggles and listen CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES

 Let the child know that it is okay to make mistakes  It is important to give the child the message that they can make mistakes  It is a part of being human MISTAKES

 Let the child learn how to get out of their own messes  A healthy child is one that feels comfortable in their own skin  They will try, through good coping mechanisms, to deal with bullies and life A HEALTHY CHILD

 It is important to celebrate our children’s victories  This should happen when you see your children do something that makes them feel proud  Celebrate their effort CHILDREN’S VICTORIES

 If the bystanders put their voices together, it will remove a substantial amount of the bully’s power  The key is to help your children develop enough integrity  This inner strength will tell them that bullies have no right to treat anyone poorly  The strength of many is much more powerful than the voice of one ROLE OF THE BYSTANDER

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