Tarbiyat e Aulad Dr. Kanwal Kaisser

Our Dreams Goals: _____________________ Desires: ____________________

Our Worries Struggles: _____________________ Blocks: ____________________

If your children were asked to pin a TITLE on you, your children will most likely label you as: Helper Thinker Boss Talker Sweet Generous Okay Stubborn Troublesome Unreasonable Angry Military Leader What Kind of Parent Are you?

Targets for Child

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَائِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ لَّا يَعْصُونَ اللَّهَ مَا أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ "O, Believers Save yourselves and your dependents from the fire whose fuel are humans and the stones. over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do (precisely) what they are commanded.” (At- Tahrim:6) Parenting Focus

Abu Hurairah reported Allah's Messenger ﷺ as saying: No child is born but upon Fitra. He then said. Recite: The nature made by Allah in which He created man, there is no altering of Allah's nature; that is the right religion.” (Muslim) Nature of Child

Prophet ﷺ said: “When the son of Adam dies, all his actions have ceased except [three, a continuing charity, beneficial knowledge and] a righteous child who prays for their parent.” (Bukhari, Muslim) Long Term Investme nt

Understanding Psychology of child Under five year Child 5-10 yr Adolescent

Understa nding Psycholo gy of child Habit building years Receptive to learning Rebellious and independent

Role as Parents Understand syour parenting style

Authoritarian Parents’ word is law, parents have absolute control. Misconduct is punished Affection and praise are rarely give Parents try to control children's’ behavior and attitudes They value unquestioned obedience Children are told what to do, how to do it, and where to do it, and when to do it. Limits without Freedom

Outcome Obedient Distrustful Discontent Withdrawn Unhappy Hostile Not High Achievers Often Rebel Children are often prevented from making a conscious choice about particular behavior because they are overly concerned about what their parents will do. وَلَوْ كُنْتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ الْقَلْبِ لَانْفَضُّوا مِنْ حَوْلِكَ فَاعْفُ عَنْهُمْ وَاسَْغْفِرْ لَهُمْ وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِي الْأَمْر ِ (Ale-Imran: 159)

Permissive Parents allow their children to do their own thing. Little respect for order and routine. Parents make few demands on children. Discipline is lax Parents are resources rather than standard makers Rarely punish Non controlling, non-demanding Usually warm Children walk all over the parents Freedom without limits

Outcom e Aggressive Least self- controlled Least exploratory Most unhappy Children from permissive homes receive so little guidance that they often become uncertain and anxious about whether they are doing the right thing.

Authoritative Middle ground between the two above Stress freedom along with rights of others and responsibilities of all Parents set limits and enforce rules Willing to listen receptively to child’s requests and questions. Both loves and limits Children contribute to discussion of issues and make some of their own decisions Exert firm control when necessary, but explain reasoning behind it. Respect children’s interest, opinions, unique personalities. Loving, consistent, demanding Reasonable expectations and realistic standards. Freedom within limits.

Outcome Happy Mostly self- controlled Content, friendly, generous Cooperative High-achiever ‘ Children, learn how to formulate goals. They also experience the satisfaction that comes from meeting responsibilities and achieving success. ادْعُ إِلَىٰ سَبِيلِ رَبِّكَ بِالْحِكْمَةِ وَالْمَوْعِظَةِ الْحَسَنَة )al-Nahl: 125( ِ

Assess your parentin g style

Assess your Parenting Style-1

Assess your Parenting Style-2

Score Yourself

Roughhouses with children; plays louder Encourage competition Do not modify language for the child ’ s sake Talk is brief, direct, and to the point, with subtle body language and facial expressions Help children prepare for harshness and reality of the real world Gentle with children; plays quieter Encourage equity Simplifies words and talks on child ’ s level Talk is more descriptive, personal, expressive of feelings, and verbally encouraging Help protect children from the real world Fathers: Mothers: Parenting styles……

Model traits of men and how to treat women Encourage children to take chances, push limits Stress justice, fairness, and duty Encourages independence from family Teaches a sense of right and wrong with discipline Model traits of women and how to treat men Encourages caution and protection of self Stress sympathy, care, and help Encourages security in the family Teaches a sense of hopefulness with discipline Fathers: Mothers: Parenting styles……

Children learn about our values through daily interactions with us. Children learn through our example. Children learn through the values we strive toward. Children learn values through the way we do things as a class team. Children learn values and beliefs through their exposure to the larger world. Children learn values through our explanations of the world. Six ways our children learn values

Activity

Describe

“I love you Dad” A man was polishing his new car; his 4 yr old daughter picked up a stone and scratched on the side of the car. In anger, the furious Man took his child’s hand & hit it many times, not realizing he was using a wrench. At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw her father, with painful eyes he asked ‘Dad when will my fingers grow back?’ The man was so hurt and speechless. He went back to the car and kicked it many times. Devastated by his own actions, sitting in front of the car he looked at the scratches, His daughter had written ‘LOVE YOU DAD’.

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