Linda Graham, MFT Brain Care is Self Care USJT 9 th Counseling Advances Conference Las Vegas, NV April 1, 2016

Linda Graham, MFT Marriage and Family Therapist – 25 years AEDP, IFS, DBT, EMDR, Sensorimotor – Attachment Trauma Mindfulness, Neuroscience Mindful Self-Compassion teacher Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well- Being 2013 Books for a Better life award 2014 Better Books for a Better World award

Emerging Philosophy of Self Care Macro – big tools, big practices Vacations, work out in gym, support group Micro – small tools, small practices Take a nap, stretch your body, self- compassion break Brain – “little and often”

How to Replenish Human Brain Exercise-Movement Sleep - Rest Nutrition Laughter-Play-Positivity Learn Something New Create with Your Hands Open Mind/Heart to Larger Perspective Hang Out with Healthy Brains

Exercise - Movement Macro cardio – BDNF Yoga, qi gong – move the energy Micro 3-minute better than nothing workout Move your body once every hour Sense and savor walk Do the dishes mindfully

Sleep - Rest Macro – 8 hours every night Housekeeping Reset nervous system Consolidate learning Sleep hygiene Micro Take mental breaks; switch the channel Take a nap Mini-meditate (10 breaths)

Take Mental Breaks Focus on something else (positive is good) Skillful distraction Talk to someone else (resonant is good) Relational regulation Move-walk somewhere else (nature is good) Moving the body resets the brain Every 90 minutes; avoid brain fog, fatigue

Nutrition Macro Eat healthy! More protein, more water, less sugar, less carbs, less calories, less caffeine/alcohol Micro Savor (eat a raisin meditation) Eat one meal a day without doing anything else

Laughter-Play-Positivity Macro Have a good time at family/friends dinner/celebration Schedule a play date Micro Cultivate positive emotion practice Watch a 4-minute Happify Daily video

Learn Something New Macro Speak a foreign language Play a musical instrument Juggle Play chess Micro Learn a new poem every day Practice brain fitness games

Create with Your Hands Macro Knitting, woodworking, quilting, gardening Micro Flower arranging, cooking, cleaning the kitchen Deep brain stimulation; meta-sensory cortex Flow state reduces stress Focus reduces worry, rumination Creativity evokes parallel psychological well-being

Open Heart/Mind to Larger Perspective Macro Spiritual practice Altruism-generosity Service – volunteer, career Micro Mindful Self-Compassion Mindfulness Self-Compassion Common Humanity

Hang Out with Healthy Brains Macro Participate in a conference, support group, book club, choir, cycling group Micro Practice gratitude at family dinners Send a text or of gratitude, acknowledgement, appreciation to friend, co- worker

Neuroscience is Revolutionizing Our Thinking about Feelings Negative Emotions – Up Side of Your Dark Side Signal – pay attention, this is important! Motivator of action - Adaptive action tendencies Anger – protest injustice, betrayal Sadness – pull in comfort Fear – move away from danger, toxicity Guilt – healthy remorse, make amends Joy – expand, connect with others

Positive Emotions-Behaviors Brain hard-wired to notice and remember negative and intense more than positive and subtle; how we survive as individuals and as a species Leads to tendency to avoid experience Positive emotions antidote “negativity bias” Positive emotions activate “left shift,” brain is more open to approaching experience, learning, and action

Positive Emotions GratitudeAweGenerosity CompassionDelight Serenity Love Curiosity Kindness Joy Trust

Positive Emotions Less stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness More friendships, social support, collaboration Shift in perspectives, more optimism More creativity, productivity Better health, better sleep Live on average 7-9 years longer Resilience is direct outcome

Kindness is more important than wisdom, And the recognition of that is the beginning of wisdom. - Theodore Rubin Doing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in well-being of any exercise we have tested. - Martin Seligman

Gratitude 2-minute free write: people, processes, possesions, web of life Gratitude journal – 3 highlights every day Gratitude buddy Carry love and appreciation in your wallet

Take in the Good Notice: in the moment or in memory Enrich: the felt sense in the body Absorb: savor seconds, felt sense in body Repeat: 6 times a day, install in long-term memory

Circle of Support Call to mind people who have been supportive of you; who have “had your back” Currently, in the past, in imagination Imagine them gathered around you, or behind you, lending you their faith in you, and their strengths in coping Imagine your circle of support present with you as you face difficult people or situations

Positivity Portfolio Ask 10 friends to send cards or s expressing appreciation of you Assemble phrases on piece of paper Tape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor, carry in wallet or purse Read phrases 3 times a day for 30 days Savor and appreciate

This is what our brains are wired for: reaching out to and interacting with others. These are design features, not flaws. These social adaptations are central to making us the most successful species on earth. - Matthew Lieberman, PhD Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired To Connect

Connections Increasing the social connections in our lives is probably the single easiest way to enhance our well-being. - Matthew Lieberman, UCLA

True Other to the True Self The roots of resilience are to be found in the felt sense of being held in the mind and heart of an empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other. - Diana Fosha, PhD To see and be seen: that is the question, and that is the answer. - Ken Benau, PhD

Ah, the comfort, The inexpressible comfort Of feeling safe with a person. Having neither to weigh out thoughts Nor words, But pouring them all right out, just as they are, Chaff and grain together; Certain that a faithful hand Will take them and sift them; Keeping what is worth keeping and, With the breath of kindness, Blow the rest away. - Dinah Craik

Imagine walking down the street Notice someone you know walking toward you Wave “hello!” There’s no response. Notice your response to the lack of response The person notices you and waves “hello!” Notice your response to the response Notice any differences in your responses

Shame De-Rails Resilience Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging. Shame erodes the part of ourselves that believes we are capable of change. We cannot change and grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use shame to change ourselves or others. - Brene Brown, PhD

Just that action of paying attention to ourselves, that I care enough about myself, that I am worthy enough to pay attention to, starts to unlock some of those deep beliefs of unworthiness at a deeper level in the brain. - Elisha Goldstein

Reconditioning Memory de-consolidation – re-consolidation “Light up” neural networks of problematic memory Cause neural networks to fall apart temporarily and instantly rewire by: Juxtaposing positive memory that directly contradicts or disconfirms; Focused attention on juxtaposition of both memories held in simultaneous dual awareness Causes the falling apart and the rewiring

Reconditioning Anchor in present moment awareness Resource with acceptance and goodness Start with small negative memory “Light up the networks” Evoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirms Simultaneous dual awareness (or toggle) Refresh and strengthen positive Let go of negative Rest in, savor positive Reflect on shifts in perspective

Wished for Outcome Evoke memory of what did happen Imagine new behaviors, new players, new resolution Hold new outcome in awareness, strengthening and refreshing Notice shift in perspective of experience, of self

Linda Graham, MFT Brain Care is Self Care USJT 9 th Counseling Advances Conference Las Vegas, NV April 1, 2016