Based on Lee Canter and Marlene Canter’s classic Assertive Discipline for Parents Presented by Kellie Hill, M.S., L.P.C. and Jenny Flynn

 Grew up in NY  Graduated from UST with a B.A. in education  Graduated from UHCL with a M.S. in Counseling  Counselor for 10 years  Licensed Professional Counselor  3 daughters all at Carpenter  Divorced parent  Runner

Graduated from Lamar University with a B.A. in Music Education Will Graduate from UHCL in May 2014 with a M.S. in Counseling In my fourth year of teaching as an elementary music teacher Originally from Baytown Married for four years

1. About Lee Canter 2. Lessons to guide parents A.Be the Boss B.Ineffective Responses C.Communicate Assertively D.Disciplinary Responses E.An Effective Plan for the Whole Family 3. Questions and comments

Educational psychologist; family counselor; psychiatric social- worker Began writing books regarding discipline in the classroom He has authored more than 40 best-selling books.

“I’ve tried everything I can think of to get my children to behave. I talk to them, I help them express their feelings, I reason with them, and they still act up and talk back day-in and day-out. I’m just at my wits’ end.” “My kids are too strong-willed for me or their teacher to handle. It seems that every day I get a call from school about how bad one of them has been. The teachers ask me to do something with my kids and all I can honestly say is that I don’t know what to do. I can’t describe how frustrating this is for me.” “There are times I really feel like I can’t handle my kids. The way my kids carry on is simply too much for me. I talk and they just don’t listen. I’m lost, I’m overwhelmed, and I’m scared.” -Father of three, ages 4, 8, and 11 -Mother of two, ages 12 and 14 -Mother of two, ages 7 and 10

 “We are all aware that many parents feel they are failures if they have to respond forcefully in order to get their children to do what they want”  Sometimes being the boss is difficult because one lacks the training to know how to do so.  Being the boss shows your child(ren) that you care enough to take action to make sure they behave and that you will also take time to praise them when they are doing right.

Step 1: Communicate assertively. We’ll practice talking so that your children listen. Step 2: Back up your words with actions Actions speak louder than words especially when it is done consistently. Step 3: Lay down the law. Respond to behaviors systematically

Nonassertive Not clearly stating what you want from your child Not being prepared to back up words with actions Hostile Disregards children’s needs and feelings Trying to get back at the child rather than help them behave

“You still haven’t picked up your toys!” Statement of Fact “Why don’t you listen to me?” Questions “I’m tired. Please try to go to bed. Okay?” Beg and Plead When you threaten to discipline, but do not follow through you’re teaching your child to not listen to you. Demand Without Follow Through “I don’t pay any attention anymore. I tried to stop them, but they just won’t listen to me, so why bother?” Ignore

“You’re such a scatter-brain.” Verbal Put- Downs “If you talk to me like that again, I’ll beat you within an inch of your life.” Unrealistic Threats “You are grounded for the next 3 months!” Severe Children take this type of reaction as an indication that you can’t get them to behave. Thus children continue to challenge and battle the parent. Physical Response

Avoid Arguing Use the Broken Record Technique You can never win an argument with a child Nonverbal Techniques Stay CalmTouch the child Make eye contact Speak Assertively Be specificBe direct

“The key to being assertive lies in balancing your disciplinary statements with frequent acknowledgement of your children’s positive behavior.” Guidelines for Praise Be specific Make eye contact/physical contact No back-handed comments Super Praise/Tag-Team Praising Praise at least 3xs/day

 Are not enjoyable for your children  Relate to the misbehavior  Are a choice  Are consistent and immediate if possible  Are matter-of-fact and non-hostile  Change, if they don’t work

 Children might be defiant or cry to see if you are serious  Some children will act as if they don’t care…don’t worry – they do!  It is important to stand your ground to see a change Misbehavior Effective Consequence Child Tests Parent(s) and Parent(s) give in

 Special Privileges  Special Rewards  Give a response your child wants  Reinforce behavior immediately  Consistently reinforce when they behave “Negative consequences may stop inappropriate behavior, but only positive reinforcement will change it.”

 Which behavior do you wish to change  Decide how you will set limits  Decide if you need to monitor your children’s behavior  Decide how you will catch your children being good  Discipline Hierarchy  What happens after the first misbehavior? The second? Third? Fourth?

 Meet when you and your child are calm and away from other siblings  Parent(s) should state their demand then the consequences if your demand is not met  Tell your child how you will monitor them  Display your Assertive Discipline Plan somewhere everyone can see it  Stay Consistent!