Positive Relationships are Important Dr Jane Monckton Smith

What is a positive relationship? What is the damage of abuse? What does abuse look like?

Example: A criminal investigation Conducted by a team with varying ranks and status Team are confined to behaviours and procedures which follow strict protocols and statutory rules The repercussions of an investigation going wrong can be catastrophic Innocent people can be imprisoned or even put to death, dangerous people may be at liberty

A positive relationship for best results Everyone on the team, from the most junior to the most senior must be able to challenge any other member of the team The intern must be able to challenge the chairman, the PC must be able to challenge the Superintendent This creates a positive and functioning investigation which is more likely to produce safe convictions

Not accepting challenge The murder of Rachel Nickell Robert Napper was suggested as the perpetrator very early on – senior investigators would not listen Samantha and Jazmine Bisset were murdered whilst the team myopically pursued the wrong man

Intimate relationships Due to cultural beliefs and human complexity there may not be equality of status within an intimate relationship Gender, disability, finances, qualifications, family ties, pregnancy… Problems arise when one person abuses their power over the other When they exert control, their own will, and reduce the other person’s ability for action

The damage of domestic abuse Two women are killed every week in the UK by current or former intimate partners Between 4 and 10 women commit suicide every week as a result of domestic abuse The cost in healthcare terms amounts to 3% of the entire NHS budget The cost to mental health, social, housing and civil legal services is another billion Domestic abuse found to be the biggest single cause of homelessness for women Abused women 15 times more likely to abuse alcohol, and 9 times more likely to abuse illicit drugs Each death is estimated to cost over 1 million pounds The cost to the Criminal Justice System is over 1 billion per annum

The damage of domestic abuse Nearly 1 million women experience at least one incident of domestic abuse each year (2009/10 British Crime Survey data: as reported in latest cross-government VAWG strategy paper?view=Binary) paper?view=Binary At least 750,000 children a year witness domestic violence (DoH, (2002) Women's Mental Health : Into the Mainstream, accessed at: 78 p.16) 78 Two women are killed each week by their partner or ex-partner (Womens Aid (March 2011) accessed at: articles.asp?section= &itemid=1280) articles.asp?section= &itemid= per cent of women victims of serious sexual assault were assaulted by their partner or ex-partner (Stern, (2010) The Stern Review p.9 accessed at ) Victims of domestic violence are more likely to experience repeat victimisation than victims of any other types of crime(British Crime Survey Reports) 76 per cent of all DV incidents are repeat (Flatley, Kershaw, Smith, Chaplin and Moon (July 2010) BCS - Crime in England and Wales 2009/10, Home Office, accessed at p24) Women experience an average of 35 incidents of domestic violence before reporting an incident to the police (Yearnshaw 1997, accessed at per cent of women have experienced stalking since the age of 16 (Smith (Ed.), Coleman, Eder and Hall (January 2011) Homicides, Firearm Offences and Intimate Violence 2009/10 Supplementary Volume 2 to Crime in England and Wales 2009/10, Home Office accessed at

What does abuse look like? We all recognise the violence model The new definition for domestic abuse makes clear the importance of coercive control Control is the most dangerous characteristic in a relationship It predicts death and morbidity better than any other characteristic It is a course of conduct or pattern of behaviour practiced over time

Many of us mistake this abuse for love Excessive Jealousy is not love Control is not love Violence is not love Anger is not strength of love Unwanted sex is not love

Test the health of a relationship with one question Can you challenge your partner on anything at any time?

An abuser will reduce the amount of space the victim has for any action

We must recognise what abuse looks like We must recognise the dangerous behaviours We must tackle gender and other inequalities