The Emotionally Intelligent Lawyer A Presentation at the 2012 Washington State Bar Association/Access to Justice Conference – “Our New Economic Reality: The Legal Profession’s Role” June 9, 2012, Yakima, Washington

L EARNING C ONTINUUM Unconscious incompetence Conscious incompetence Conscious competence Unconscious competence

AGENDA Understanding Conflict Skill Development (Karate Kid) Practice, Practice, Practice

S TUCK S ITUATION Think of an interaction you’ve had with another individual that has been difficult or less than optimal. A situation where you’ve felt “stuck” with another person. This could be a work relationship or a personal relationship. Try to choose a situation that is “live” and one that you would like to improve. Write a brief description of this stuck scenario and the general pattern of interaction between you both.

EQ SNAPSHOT Self AwarenessSelf Management Social AwarenessRelationship Management Personal Competence Social Competence What I seeWhat I do

S TIMULUS & R ESPONSE “ Between stimulus and response there is a space Within that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response Within those choices lie our opportunities for growth and happiness ” -- Viktor Frankl

B RAIN S TUFF Amygdala Pre-Frontal Cortex Fight or Flight Tend or Befriend

C ONVICTION / C ONNECTION M ODEL Enmeshed Cut-OffWishy-WashyRigid Connection Conviction Based on work by Joan Fiore, Peter West, David Olsen, Circumplex Model and others.

THE CRITICAL CHOICE POINT Externalizing “He, She, It, You” Internalizing “I” Choose

S TORIES

FIVE MIND BLOWING PRINCIPLES You are on the inside of your world looking out You create your world with stories Your stories impact your emotional reactions Your stories are modifiable You are more than your stories

M USH S EPARATOR

“ SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND… THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD. ” Steven Covey, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”