Course: International Negotiation: Theory and Practice Student: Khau Ngoc Bao Thi (092TDG06) - IPTD Instructor: Prof. Jasper Kim Ewha Womans University

 Life is full of chances for every single person to be a negotiator  Doing negotiation is to get what we want from others by all means

NEGOTIATION IS IN EVERY FACET OF HUMAN LIFE NEGOTIATION ALSO EXISTS IN MARRIAGE

 The method of principled negotiation was developed at the Harvard Negotiation Project and written by Roger Fisher, William Ury and Bruce Patton in the book of Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In (2 nd edition, Penguin Book, 1991.)

 Marriage is a long life relationship  To build up a permanent marriage, each partner must be a good negotiator.

 Over a period of time, the passionate of love may be blurred and faded because of conflicts and problems inevitably occur  There are many issues to deal with and need partners sit down to discus and figure out the solution

 It’s not easy for both sides to reach the agreement on the issue all the times, especially when they are in pressure.  Their relationship tends to become entangled with the problem that they are trying to solve

 If people and problems usually are treated as one, it leads to anger, resentment and disrespect

 The house is messy and dirty due to the busyness of both husband and wife  The husband, who may be tired after working, may tell his wife: “You’re so messy! You’ve never kept our house in well order. ”

 The husband uses his position to puts their relationship and the substance in conflict  His wife thinks she also has right to say such a word like her husband told her. She may feel frustrated and insulted  The “messy” problem may be never solved

 As a good negotiator, the husband needs to separate the problem with his wife in order to have a tidy house.

 He should put himself in her shoes and try to figure out the reason why she does not clean up the house  Learn her perception of keeping tidy house and discuss about it  Recognizing and understanding the emotion of both sides: husband and wife in every situation of each problem

 We are people who trying to get what we want from others, and it is the problem we deal with, not people  Above all, the people whom we negotiate, is the one we love and live with our whole live

 Because our spouse is the one we love, we should think about our partners’ interests and choices.  It is the interests must be reconciled, not positions

 About a place to go for family vacation, there may be many suggestions due to each member’s interest.  Without negotiation to reach the agreement, the vacation may either be cancelled or lose the interestingness  The more you pay attention and listen to others’ interests, the more power you gain from their hearts

 To indentify the interests, the “Why” and “Why not” questions should be often asked  Make a list and combine the common interests to invent options for mutual gain

 To select a school for children  The husband may want to choose the school close to his office so that he can drop and pick them up daily.  The wife may think about the good reputation of another school which is a little further from her husband office

 Both husband and wife may want to combine their interests to invent an option which provides shared interests  They may choose the school close to their house where there are many children of their neighbors go to

 The principled negotiation is one of the indispensible elements to help couples solve their conflicts and contribute to their long life commitment  The more successful negotiator you are in your family, the more powerful negotiator you are in every place you need to do negotiation  Family is the first ideal place to practice your negotiation skills and method.