How Boundaries Change as Children Grow

Carry each other’s burdens. Each one should carry their own load.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

Parents set up rules and boundaries to enable the child to reach his or her full potential.

1.Model healthy boundaries. Children learn more from what we DO than what we tell them to do. Act responsibly, ethically, and FOLLOW THE RULES just the as you want your children to.

2. Make rules clear and concise. If children are not sure of the rules, they’ll have a hard time learning about boundaries! Have a clear conversation with your children about exactly what you expect of them. It helps, especially with younger children, to post the rules where they will see them every day.

3. Make sure your children know the consequences if they break a family rule. When choosing a consequence for a behavior, make sure it is age appropriate AND appropriate for the offense, as well.

4. Be consistent and follow through with your expectations and consequences. If you decide a rule stands, it stands. You must, each and every time, mean what you say and say what you mean if you want your children to take you seriously.

5. Boundaries change as the child grows. A long-standing family rule may need to evolve as your children mature.

This is a time to develop the bonds that will last a lifetime. Develop self-esteem and the ability to relate positively with others. It is also the time for parents to begin to discover who this new person really is.

Each child is unique and it is imperative that parents learn to understand, respect, support and encourage the unique characteristics and abilities of each child.

When a child takes the first step on his or her own, a new phase in development begins. It is a time for active exploration of their environment.

Language development takes major leaps which leads to learning the names of objects of interest, the ability to ask for things and as they discover their independent nature, yes, they develop the ability to say “NO!”.

A child’s parent is in the position to be a coach providing just the right combination of encouragement, support and guidance. Parents also need to teach children how to learn and encourage discussion and experimentation with new ideas and skills..

TODDLER Your toddler begs you to buy candy at the grocery store checkout. When you say no, she starts screaming.

School age children gradually become ready for more independence. However, learning to make good choices and exercise self-discipline does not come easily for many. Parents need to teach Christian values to their child so they become their moral compass.

As children struggle with new skills, parents need to give praise and encouragement for achievement. Parents must also be able to let them sometimes experience the natural consequences of their behavior or provide logical consequences to help them learn from mistakes.

ELEMENTARY AGE You tell the child to pick up toys. He says no and starts throwing toys across the room.

Middle School is not fondly remembered by most who attend. It is often filled with scary body changes, bullying by peers, and a new surge for independence.

These stresses can lead to: Passive-aggressive behavior (“I’ll do it in a minute.”) Self-consciousness (“What are you staring at?”) Self-doubt (“I’m not good at anything.”) Over-confidence (“Well, I thought I could do that.”) And/or moodiness (“Leave me alone.”).

High school is usually better for most. It is a time to really begin defining oneself and realistically thinking about the future.

Talents are developed, social skills get sharper, and relationships become more serious. Peer pressure is at its max. In today’s teen society there are more tempting sidetracks than ever.

Research shows that with a positive family environment including fun family activities, open parent-child communication and the encouragement to participate in positive community activities, teens are able to navigate these years with relative ease. During adolescence, kids need their parents more than ever.

TEEN Your 13-year-old has a 9:30 bedtime. You walk by her room at 10:00 and see her texting in bed.

A strong sense of personal identity is important for developing intimate relationships. Those with a poor sense of self tend to have less committed relationships and are more likely to suffer emotional isolation, loneliness, and depression.

In this stage, the most important events are love relationships. Intimacy is the ability to relate to another human being on a deep, personal level. A person who has not developed a sense of identity usually will fear a committed relationship and may retreat into isolation.

Those who are successful during this phase will feel that they are contributing to the world by being active in their home and community..

YOUNG ADULT When you head out to your car to fill a prescription, you discover that your 19-year old who lives at home has borrowed your car without permission. When she finally gets home, the tank is on empty.

YOUNG ADULT You agree to babysit your grandkids till 8:30 p.m. so your daughter—their mom--can go to a movie with friends. At 9:00 she texts to say they’re going out for pizza and will be back about 10:30.

It is our responsibility as Christian parents/caregivers to set boundaries for children that are age-appropriate and appropriate for each personality and family lifestyle. Children thrive and feel secure when there are clear expectations and consequences if those expectations are violated. Teach your children to respect authority, treat others with kindness, and respect others’ boundaries, and you’ll have an adult who can contributed to the world in wonderful ways!