VERBAL MESSAGES (Ch 6,7) Summarized from Joseph DeVito’ The Interpersonal Communication Book. 11th

Relation between Verbal and Non-verbal Accent Complement Contradict Control Repeat Substitute

Messages Principles Messages are Packaged Messages are Rule-Governed Messages vary in Abstraction Messages vary in Politeness (culture, gender, personality ) ->netiquette Messages vary in Inclusion Messages vary in directness Messages vary in assertiveness (assertive, non assertive, aggresive)

Communicate Assertively Describe the Problem State How it Affects You Propose Solutions Confirm Understanding

Language Symbolizes Reality Intensional Orientation Labels First, Actual Second Extensional Orientation Actual First, Label Second Cultural Identifiers Boy, Girl, Gay, Lesbian, African American, White, Hispanic, Chicano, Etc. Allness Six Blind Men and the Elephant

Language Expresses Both Facts and Inferences Facts Made Only After Observation Limited to What Has Been Observed Made Only by Observer About Past or Present Approach Certainty Subject to Verifiable Standards

Facts and Inferences Inferences Made At Any Time Go Beyond What is Observed Made by Anyone May Be About Past, Present, or Future Vary in Probability Not Subject to Verifiable Standards

Language Expresses Both Denotation and Connotation Denotation Connotation Snarl Words Purr Words

Language Can Criticize and Praise Providing Honest Appraisal Tell the Truth Consider How You Phrase Negative Appraisal Offering Criticism on Event not Personality State Criticism Positively Own Your Thoughts and Focus Feelings Be Clear Avoid Ordering Change Consider the Context

Giving Praise Use I-Messages Make Sure Affect Communicates Feelings Name the Behavior You’re Praising Take Culture Into Consideration

Language Can Obscure Distinctions Indiscrimination Ethnocentrism Polarization Static Evaluation Sexism Heterosexism Racism Ageism

Language Can Confirm/Disconfirm Confirmation Disconfirmation Talking with the Grief Stricken