DATING & RELATIONSHIPS

Some Thoughts on Dating 1.What is the purpose of dating? Why do people date? 2.Why did people date in the past? (1800’s) 3.When is a good age to begin to date? 4.Who should do the asking? Why? 5.Give some examples of things people do on dates. 6.Give two positive and two negative aspects of dating. 7.Does dating in high school help you develop into a socially better person? 8.Does dating in high school causes grief and stress and therefore should not take place until after high school? 9.Does dating in high school causes friendships to deteriorate? 10.Is it expected that if you date someone in high school you will be with them forever? 11.Does dating always create a special bond between two people? 12.Do you meet new people when you start dating? 13.Does dating make you a happier person?

Things People do on Dates… SUPPER, MOVIES, BEACH, WALK, HIKING, SWIMMING, SKIING, ATTEND SPORTING EVENTS, SKY-DIVING, AMUSEMENT PARKS, GOLFING, BASKETBALL, ART MUSEUM, IMAX, MUSICAL, PLAY, BIKING, ROLLER- BLADING, CRAFTS, BOWLING, PLAYING POOL, POTTERY, VIDEO GAMES, LASER TAG, MONOPOLY, TOBOGGANING, DARTS, LIBRARY, STUDYING, PARTIES, DANCES, MCDONALDS

Myths About Dating 1.Males always pay 2.Couples only go out alone 3.A good night kiss is always expected 4.Males are in charge 5.You must be a certain age to date 6.Everyone in high school dates 7.If you go out with someone of the opposite sex you are on a date

Stages of a Relationship All relationships go through these stages, whether it is a friendship or a romantic relationship.

Stage 1: The Sparkle/Infatuation To begin this relationship you must be open and vulnerable One feels positive about him or herself with increased self worth The person seems perfect for you You can’t seem to see enough of each other Any inattention brings anxiety, fear of rejection, and jealousy One’s individuality may be lost and sacrificed to this early relationship You don’t see the other person’s faults This stage is an important part of beginning a good relationship and is the first step toward mature, mutual acceptance.

INFATUATION I s the state of being BLINDLY in LOVE

Stage 2: Disillusionment Begin to see the other person’s faults Become irritable or competitive with one another Involves disenchantment, thinking “maybe they aren’t as perfect as I thought” THEN: One of the following will happen: A) Can come to grips with the imperfections and know they are acceptable to you OR B) withdrawal of affection and ending of the relationship This is an inevitable stage. Knowing your crucial issues, methods of resolving conflict and positive communication techniques will help the relationship into the last stage.

Stage 3: Mutual Acceptance/Mature Love See and accept the shortcoming of the other person Can be yourselves and feel secure without jealousy Can exchange strengths Can be venturesome and spontaneous Affirms self worth Most frequently a relationship ends in the first stage or when the disillusionment begins. realizing that your self image should not be destroyed because a relationship ended is important. instead, deal with the grief of an ended relationship and work to make the next one even better.

Chosen Characteristics  List 4 characteristics of a best FRIEND  List 4 characteristics of a PARENT  List 4 characteristics of a SIBLING  List 4 characteristics of a BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND

Wanted Characteristics of a Boy/Girl Friend Caring, Thoughtful, Respectful, Attractive, Honest, Humorous, Sensitive, Confident, Quiet, Mysterious, Well Mannered, Intellectual, Happy, Outgoing, Athletic, Genuine, Independent, Creative, Practical, Level Headed, Realistic, Positive, Easy Going, Tolerant, Compassionate, Sympathetic

Harassment Harassment: Any unwanted conduct that offends or humiliates It may be: Verbal Physical Visual Psychological Sexual involves all of these

 May include, but is not limited to:  Jokes that cause awkwardness or embarrassment  Displays of racist, sexist or other offensive material  Sexually suggestive or obscene comments or gestures  Offensive sexual advances and propositions  Unwanted conduct such as patting or pinching  Verbal abuse, threats of intimidation  Physical assault including sexual assault  Staring

Sexual Harassment Any unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature

Sexual Harassment vs. Flirting Sexual HarassmentFlirting Feels “bad”Feels “good” One sidedReciprocal Feel unattractiveFeel attractive Is degradingIs a compliment Feel powerlessIn control Power basedEquality Negative touchingPositive touching UnwantedWanted IllegalLegal InvadingOpen DemeaningFlattering Sad/angryHappy Negative self-esteemPositive self-esteem

Relationship Unit Goals - What is a healthy dating relationship? - Typical Progression of a Relationship – what’s normal? - Types of Relationships – Healthy vs. Unhealthy (Abuse in Relationships) - Why do people get into relationships? - Relationship Terminology – intimacy, passion, commitment - Why do people avoid getting into relationships? – Time, stress, goals. - Expectations in relationships – what are some “rules” and expectations for dating? - personal expectations, family expectations, society expectations, media expectations? - What are your rules for relationships – how will you monitor this – decisions regarding relationships, who influences them – being assertive in determining plans – leadership skills for dating – strategies for support in relationships – action plan

Typical Progression of a Relationship Brainstorm an idea of how a relationship can progress - at least 10 steps! Role play. What have we come up with?

Typical Progression of a Relationship Our steps: you meet your potential partner You begin to have things in common. Begin to hang out together. Officially dating. Kissing and Hugging Having Sex Move in together Get Married Have kids Grow old together – have grandchildren Pass away

Typical Progression of a Relationship Society/Media steps: sex immediately more of a “hang-out” requirement more adult-centered relationships Parents: expectations for who you can be with. What age is appropriate avoid sexual activity

Expectations for Dating (Discussion) What are some expectations for dating? Individual – - no cheating - no abuse - no lying - trust/honesty - dependable - caring about someone - have fun/humour - share your feelings when you’re ready - communication

Healthy Relationships require three things Intimacy – feeling of openness and belonging with an individual. Passion – desire and attraction towards an individual. Commitment – ability to make choices to allow a relationship work (make sacrifices if necessary).

Abuse in Relationships Types of Abuse – Financial – taking/borrowing money, or never contributing to date expenses Social – only spend time with them, neglect your friends Spiritual – imposing beliefs or mocking your beliefs Physical – unwanted physical contact Emotional – change moods Mental – name-calling has a long term effect. Sexual – rape, pressure to commit sexual acts.

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationship Your relationship is healthy if: - you trust your partner - you feel physically safe in the relationship - you make important decisions together - your partner encourages you to try different activities and pursue personal goals - your partner understands when you spend time away from him/her - you don’t have to be with your partner 24/7 - you are not afraid to say what you think and why you think that way. You like to hear how your partner thinks but don’t always have to agree.

Setting Goals for Relationships Action Plan – What are some expectations I would like to set that I can stick to in a relationship and discuss with a potential partner?