Voice

When you listen to writing that… makes you laugh makes you cry shows personality has lots of energy sounds like a real person sounds like a friend talking to a friend scares youstays with you is entertaining That’s voice!

VOICE Varied Sentence Structure Long and short sentences Start sentences different ways Use a variety of puncutation (commas, dashes, semicolons, colons) Vivid Word Choice Descriptive adjectives Interesting Verbs Specific Details Explain what you mean Give a concrete example Use a simile/metaphor Sensory imagery

The following paragraph contains very little voice. First, read the paragraph. Think about why it is lacking voice or what makes it boring to read. On Saturday morning, I woke up. I discovered I had no cereal. I decided I wanted Fruity Pebbles. They sounded so good. I wanted them right now. I got in my car and drove to Kroger down the street. I went inside and realized the store had been rearranged. I had to look a long time for the cereal aisle. I walked up and down the produce aisle, then the ice cream aisle, then the lunch meat aisle. Then, I finally found the cereal.

I think everyone will agree that this second paragraph is much more exciting. As you read, think about why this is. Look for details that help make it more exciting than the first example. On Saturday morning, my eyes snapped open and I leapt out of bed. Racing downstairs and throwing open the pantry, I discovered to my dismay that I was out of cereal. Oh, the horror! But I knew that I just had to have some Fruity Pebbles—those delicious flakes of fruity goodness beckoned to me. So I leapt into my car and sped to the Kroger a few blocks down the street. Racing inside, I realized with terror the aisles had been completely rearranged. I began hunting for the cereal, roaming through aisle after aisle of produce and ice cream and lunch meat. But finally, there it was! My box of Fruity Pebbles awaited me. I snatched it up, victorious.

Chores! Chores! Chores! Chores! Chores are boring! Scrubbing toilets, cleaning sinks, and washing bathtubs take up a lot of my time and are not fun at all. Toilets! When you’re scrubbing toilets make sure they are not stinky. I’ve scrubbed one before and I was lucky it didn’t stink. I think toilets are one of the hardest things to scrub in the bathroom because it is hard to get up around the rim. Sinks are one of the easiest things to clean in the bathroom because they have no rims and they are small. I have cleaned one before and it was pretty easy. Bathtubs, ever washed one? The are big, they are deep, and it is hard to get up around the sides. The bathtub is the hardest, I think, to wash in the bathroom. All chores are boring, especially making my bed. Cleaning my room is OK because I have to organize, and I like organizing. Dusting is the worst: dust, set down, pick up, dust, set down. There are so many things to dust, and it’s no fun. Chores aren’t the worst things you can do, but they’re definitely not the best!

Listening for Voice StrongWeak *Feelings *Just the facts *Enthusiasm *boring *Sparkle *dull *Emotion *a list of events *Personality *no energy *Want to read more *Different or unusual

More examples of real voice in writing: Basketball is my thing. I can hoop. Case closed. I’m six four and I got the moves, the eye, and the heart. You can take my game to the bank and wait around for the interest. With me it’s not like playing a game, it’s like the only time I’m being real. Bringing the ball down the court makes me feel like a bird that just learned to fly. I see guys moving down in front of me and everything feels and looks right. Patterns come up and a small buzz comes into my head that starts to build up and I know it won’t end until the ball swishes through the net. If somebody starts messing with my game it’s like they’re getting into my head. But if I’ve got the ball it’s okay, because I can take care of the situation. That’s the word and I know it the same way I know my tag, Slam. Yeah, that’s it. Slam. But without the ball, without the floorboards under my feet, without the mid-court line that takes me halfway home, you can get to me.

One more example… First Thoughts I love my mom. This morning she dropped me off at the bus stop and said, “Aren’t you going to give me a kiss?” I said, “No, I don’t have time!” and shut the car door. I knew the minute I said “NO!” I would regret it. The whole day I have been thinking about me not giving my mom a kiss. Why are kids at this age like this? Is it because we want our independence? When you are young your parents are the best thing in the world. Then they become stupid and don’t know anything when you are a teen. Then when you get to be an adult they are brilliant. I don’t know why we are like this. I know deep down inside of me that my mom is one of my best friends. She will sit and talk with me about things that are important to me. Sometimes we will just sit and laugh.