Family Relationships and Parenting

Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honour your father and mother” which is the first commandment with a promise “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

James Dobson in his book “The Strong Willed Child” said, “ Child rearing is like baking a cake. You don’t realize you have a disaster until it’s too late”

Three pillars in building strong family relationships

Prov. 24:3 (NCV)"It takes wisdom to have a good family, and it takes understanding (common sense) to make it strong" “Wisdom is having the best end in view and knowing the best way to reach that end” l. Wise parenting has an end in view “bring them up” (bring them to maturity)

l. The end in view: to be responsible Reality discipline Reality discipline – don’t shield your child from consequences – they are learning responsibility Teach them to accept responsibility Teach them to accept responsibility for their own behaviour Hold them accountable Don’t get mad

ll. The end in view: to have a godly character We need to put more into who they are, than what they do Inculcating values and building convictions: 1. By building into their lives – things learned from God’s Word 2. By building into their lives – things learned from experience Dr Henry Cloud: “Character development requires experience. You must help them when they fail, and aid them in making normal failure a learning experience that becomes part of their character”

ll.Wise parenting knows how to reach that end Discipline – means training correcting (relates to what we do) Instruction – “to admonish” (nouthesia) to confront, warn, correct (relates to what we say) Prov 29:15 “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother” v 17 “Correct your son, and he will give you rest; Yes, he will give delight to your soul”

Be clear - set clear boundaries Super nanny (Jo Frost): “Children need to know there are limits to their behaviour – what is acceptable and what is not. You need to set rules and tell them what you expect. Once you have made a rule, don't change it for the sake of a quiet life” Be consistent Both mum and dad must be in agreement Then there needs to be consistency in following through Choose your battles! – ones that affect character Be considerate – discipline in love Never discipline in anger

We should parent our children just as God deals with us - with grace l. Grace in forging a good relationship Develop a strong, open and accepting connection with each child. Maintain the relationship (give individual time and show genuine interest, mutual respect, and treated as special) A child will accept your ideas, authority, faith, if they accept you. Good relationships stabilize children, and prepares them for adolescence

l. Grace in forgiving Children are sinners! Don’t be surprised at the things they do! God is merciful – don’t always be punishing