Talking about end-of-life with family and congregations Presbytery of Blackhawk, February

90% of people say that talking with their loved ones about end-of-life care is important. 27% have actually done so. Source: The Conversation Project National Survey (2013)

60% of people say that making sure their family is not burdened by tough decisions is extremely important. 56% have not communicated their end-of life wishes. Source: Survey of Californians by the California HealthCare Foundation (2012)

7% report having had this conversation with their doctor. Source: Survey of Californians by the California HealthCare Foundation (2012) 80% of people say that if seriously ill, they would want to talk to their doctor about wishes for medical treatment toward the end of their life.

82% of people say it’s important to put their wishes in writing. 23% have actually done it. Source: Survey of Californians by the California HealthCare Foundation (2012)

It’s not easy to talk about how you want the end of your life to be. But it’s one of the most important conversations you can have with your loved ones. This isn’t about filling out Advance Directives or other medical forms. It’s about talking to your loved ones about what you or they want for end-of-life care. We want you to be the expert on your wishes and those of your loved ones. Not the doctors or nurses. Not the end-of-life experts. You. theconversationproject.org

First Presbyterian Church of Sterling hosted a series in June,2014 called “Crucial Conversations: Starting the Conversations We All Need to Have” For three Wednesdays, we offered a light supper and listened to local experts tell us how to begin these crucial conversations. The series began with “Let’s Talk Before the Crisis: Health Care Decisions.” The second week was “Discussing Palliative Care,” on comfort care and hospice. The final week was “Tell Me How I Say Goodbye” about funerals and memorial services.

“Let’s Talk Before the Crisis: Health Care Decisions.” The invited presenter was Deb Keaschall, Chaplaincy Supervisor and Social Services Director from our local hospital. Topics were: Advance directives Do Not Resuscitate orders Health Care Power of Attorney Deb shared her own story of helping an aging parent make his own decisions about health care and ending treatments at the end of his life. She supplied forms and brochures for all participants.

“Discussing Palliative Care” Our conversation leader was the social worker from Hospice of the Rock River Valley. She shared information about comfort care, hospice, and how the program works, and answered questions like: How do I know when to call hospice? What does hospice do? Is calling hospice just giving up? Is there a cost? What if I change my mind? The question and answer portion of the conversation was greatly enriched when participants shared their own experiences with hospice.

“Tell Me How I Say Goodbye” Our conversation partner was John Schilling, a local funeral director. He described what takes place when a loved one dies, how funeral directors help a family make the important decisions, and why a funeral service matters. Participants were encouraged to complete a Funeral Preference Form and to talk with their loved ones about their desires for their final services. Questions centered on issues such as Cremation or earth burial? Viewing or not? Service at the funeral home or at the church? What costs to expect?

Resources Journey Through the Valley: A Presbyterian Resource for End of Life Issues s/phewa/pdfs/health-awareness-sunday pdfou Includes helpful articles, forms and reflections. Also contains resources for congregational care and education, and worship.

Resources The Conversation Project Your Conversation Starter Kit This free downloadable conversation guide helps people to prepare for the conversation. It includes simple tools that individuals can us for clarifying beliefs and desires about matters such as health care interventions. The guide also helps people decide when, where and with whom to have the conversation.

Resources Preparing for End of Life: Easing the Way for Those You Love /index.html Practical, spiritual, legal and medical resources to prepare for the end of life. Also includes an extensive resource list (mostly in the Dallas area) and forms for various use.

Resources In Life and in Death A Study Guide on Euthanasia, Assisted Suicide, and End of Life Issues PC(USA) dworship/pdfs/inlifeanddeath.pdf Some topics are: Good Death, Bad Death Scriptural Perspectives on Suffering The Experience of Sufferers; Christ’s Suffering On the Possibility of Knowing That One’s Time Has Come; Responses of Caring