Snapshots

What’s the Snapshot? The snapshot revision tool allows you, the writer, to go back in and see your characters walking and talking. It compels you to do what your teacher is always telling you: show, don’t just tell. It forces you to focus on close, physical detail.

Notice how the author freezes the action in this excerpt from “Little House on the Prairie” by Wilder.

“Ma kissed them both, and tucked the covers in around them. They lay there awhile, looking at Ma’s smooth, parted hair and her hands busy with sewing in the lamplight. Her needle made little clicking sounds against her thimble and then the thread went softly, swish! through the pretty calico that Pa had traded furs for.”

Could write: the boy was sick in bed.

Freeze the Action, and move in

Change your reader’s perspective, and your perspective too.

Creating Snapshots in Your Writing Find a partner of your choice Look for places in each other’s writing where it’s difficult to visualize what’s going on Mark these places with a small snapshot symbol:

10 minutes to read each other’s paper and identify 3-4 places where a snapshot could occur.

Now it’s time to rewrite one of your snapshots. Choose one of your identified snapshot scenes and rewrite it 3 times. Yup! We really did just say rewrite it 3 times!

Student Example of Rewriting after a snapshot activity: First draft of describing getting a new dramatic haircut: “The chair rumpled as I wiggled. The razor buzzed along my neck. I could feel the hair falling, and I didn’t exactly want it anymore.”

Second Draft: describing the scene “I sat there squirming, the blue plastic of the chair crumpled and cracked under me. The tightness of all the clips and hair ties made my head throb. I could hear the razor buzzing. I couldn’t believe I was doing this.”

Third Draft: picking a part to zoom in on for more detail “I felt the hair falling to my shoulders, then to the floor. The razor vibrated behind my right ear, making me giggle. I tried as hard as I could not to move. I didn’t want her to cut me.”

Fourth Draft: focusing on one tiny detail “The tiny bristles left behind itched, but I didn’t dare scratch them. The beautician still had the left side to shave. As the razor pulled away from my head, I scrunched my neck back. The bristles jabbed into my skin, and I felt a tear come to my eye. What if she messed it all up? It would be impossible to grow back.”

Revise Using the Snapshot First, describe the scene. Secondly, pick one part of your story to zoom in a little closer. Third, pick one tiny detail to really focus on.

Thoughtshots Our second revision tool What do I think? What do I feel?

What are Thoughtshots? They encourage the writer to get inside their characters and show the reader what they are all about. They allow the writer to go beyond such flat writing such as “he was confused”.

3 Ways to Add Thoughtshots Characters have flashbacks, triggering memories of related events or causes; Characters have “flashforwards,” predicting the outcomes of their actions and anticipating what other people will say and think; And characters have “brain arguments,” debating with themselves about what is going on and what they should do about it.

Peer Editing for Thoughtshots Find a different partner from yesterday Read each other’s stories and as you are reading find 3-4 places where you think the author could use a thoughtshot Draw the thoughtshot symbol next to the part in the story where it could be used:

Student Example This student was writing about a time when she was babysitting her brother and he decided to fry the legs off a frog he’d caught in the backyard. A tense situation for any babysitter. After discovering what her brother was up to and describing it, this author wrote in her first draft: I was scared.

2 nd Draft adding a Flashback “I remember when my brother and I had made my mom a mud cake for her birthday. She had thought it was real chocolate, probably because we had put real candles on it. It wasn’t long before she found out it was mud, after all. Why don’t I ever learn that my brother’s ideas get me into trouble?”

3 rd Draft adding a Flashforward “I heard the rattling of a car engine coming closer to our house. Could it be my parents? I could picture my mom’s face in my mind when she sees that we have two frogs in the kitchen. I know she’ll throw away the pans we used. I hope they know it was all my brother’s fault!”

4 th Draft using a Brain Argument “I started feeling the sweat on my hands when the door shut. “Quick, my room,” my brother whispered. “Should I stay where I am or hide with my brother?” I asked myself. Why should I leave if I didn’t do anything bad? I’m getting out of here. Before I knew it, I was in my brother’s room leaning against the door.”

Revising using the Thoughtshots Revise your paper using all three of these thoughtshots. (You may use them all on just one part in your story, or spread them out, whatever works best for you.) Thoughtshots include: flashbacks, flashforwards and brain arguments.

Our final revision tool: EXPLODING THE MOMENT!

What is Exploding the Moment? It’s where you as the author control time in your story. Instead of rushing through major events – motorcycle crashes, high-dive plunges – in one or two sentences, stretch out the exciting moments and make them come alive for your reader. Basically, you are writing in slow motion.

Student Example, First Draft This student’s first draft glossed over her being stuck in the trunk of a car during an intense game of hide-and-seek by just writing: “I thought I would hide in the trunk of a white car.”

2 nd Draft (Preceding Action) “I crawled into the trunk, onto the hard but padded floor. I looked to see if he was there. I glanced back at the door. As soon as I saw him coming, my face pinched into a worried frown. I slowly lay down. I grabbed the white steel rim of the trunk and pulled it until it reached the tip of the lock. I could see a little, just enough to peak. It looked like a line of light between the trunk door and the car.”

3 rd Draft: Inside the Action “Where is he?” I asked myself. I could no longer see through the small opening of light that had come into the trunk. It was completely silent. No one was to be seen. I looked out, raising the trunk lid a little. He sneaked around, looked right at me, eyeball to eyeball, and slammed the door shut. I pushed. I kept on pushing. It was locked!”

4 th Draft: Final Action, which includes the character’s response to the event “I panicked. Open this trunk right now!” I said. I kicked at the door. How could he open it, though? I asked myself. He didn’t have the keys. I started to feel sweat roll down my body. I kicked and kicked and kicked. What could I do? All I could do was wait. I felt bruises forming, and my legs started to sting. It was dark, and I just lay there. I was burned out with no energy left. It was all silent.”

Your Turn Again, meet with a new partner Share your stories Each of you identify 3-4 places in the story where the moment could be exploded. Identify these parts using the Explode the Moment symbol:

Revising your Exciting Moment: Describe what happened right before the big event. Lead your reader up to the moment by building suspense. Next, describe the actual event in detail. Use your senses here to describe what you see, hear, felt, tasted and touched. Last, describe your reaction to the event.