To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong – admit it. Whenever you're right – shut up. --Ogden Nash

 List the ingredients found in these.  What if we took out_______________?  What if we did not have a recipe to follow?

Think, Pair, Share

Guidelines to prepare for and have a strong marriage:  Have dinner ready when the husband arrives home from work.  Prepare yourself by taking 15 minute to rest and touch up your hair and make up prior to husband’s arrival, so you look refreshed.  Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the house to make sure it looks neat and tidy, so your husband will feel like he has reached a haven of rest.  Prepare the children, make sure they look like little treasures. Minimize the noise, eliminate all the noise from washer, etc. Encourage children to be quiet.  Make your husband comfortable in his favorite chair with pillows, newspaper,.  Make the evening his.  Don’ts: Do not greet him with problems or complaints. What did your group come up with?

1. Quietly make a list of specific behaviors that you think are found in a strong marriage relationship. 2. Pair up with another group and share your ideas. 3. Have the groups compare the behavior sheets. Crossing out any duplicates. 4. Narrow it down to top 5 and Write these behaviors on the board. 5. As a class come up with 10 most important behaviors for a strong marriage.

 Why did you say that these ingredients were important to a strong marriage?  What makes it difficult to sustain a marriage in the current world?  What does it appear to be lacking? No “recipe”?  Is there a difference between marriage and just living together?

 Love  Trust  Fidelity (most common)  Laughter  Talking and Listening  Tolerance  Unselfishness  Touching  Sex  Putting Time into the Relationship.  Involvement in an organization together outside of your marriage

o Being Positive about Your Mate and the Marriage o Trust o Marriage is #1 o Friendships o Adaptability o Sharing o Effort o Realistic Expectations o Commitment (most common) The Ring Finger

 Sex: Monogamous relationship  Money: Strive to live within your means and be good money managers.  Love: Love unconditionally  Work: Division of labor is equal and each spouse supports the other spouse’s employment.

 What kind of images do various media present about marriages and the relationship?  Appropriate expectations?  What are appropriate expectations for the marriage relationship?  Everyone brings into marriage a fantasized belief of how their spouse will fulfill their own needs and wants.  How do these fantasized beliefs put too much pressure onto the spouse?  Men and women are different in many ways, especially in what they expect and in the way they think.

 If he is watching a ball game on TV and the children come in screaming, he may not notice them because he is watching TV. When the game is over the circle is closed.  He may pay bills and even discuss them with his wife, but when he has finished, that circle is closed. Work Money Children HealthFood meetings transportation

 She can comfort a child with a cut knee while she makes dinner and may even be on the phone at the same time.  She may pay the bills and be thinking about which child needs new shoes or the refreshment she must take to the PTA meeting. work health children money transportation food

 If a man and woman understands these things about each other, it will help their relationship immensely. Such as…..

1. A man would know that in order to gain his wife’s attention, he needs to apologize or at least discuss problems before wanting intimate relationships. 2. The wife would understand that her husband is not trying to hurt her feelings, he simply deals with things in a different way. 3. Both need to work together to understand one another and create a quality relationship.

His Needs are more Physical and Emotional Her Needs are more Emotional and Physical Meeting each other needs: Being open and honest about personal needs and expectations will help the relationship. Why is it important to meet each other’s needs? What does it bring to the relationship? Positive and negative cycles are continuous unless you deliberately reverse the direction What happens if these needs are not met in a relationship?

 Set aside a certain time each day and each week (couple time)  make it prime time not left-over time.  Share positive thoughts, feelings, and wants only.  not the time to complain or debate)  Emphasize the sharing of personal feelings and ideas.  Have a time out rule.  when one or the other spouse does not want to continue the discussion; it helps the spouse to not feel trapped  Learn to Listen!!!  Make your spouse Number ONE  Stay in Touch  Show kindness  Give the gift of understanding.  Make time for fun.  Balance being a parent with being a partner  Share expressions of appreciation and acceptance  Use their “language” that expresses appreciation and acceptance  Take the Love Language Assessment

 Not being heard or understood or given a chance shows lack of acceptance.  The question “Do you love me?” and “Will you listen to me?” translates to “Do you accept me?” “Am I worth it to you?” How do we feel and show acceptance???

TermSymbolDescription Words Touch (A) Read scenario HandHugging Holding hands Physically close Verbal (B) Read scenario Ear and MouthSharing one’s feelings Listening Heart-to-heart talks Caring words Meaningful discussion Task (C) Read scenario EyeAchievement Accomplishment Hard work Status things Decoding Communication styles The way one sends and receives messages of acceptance, affection, and appreciation. (Think about parents, friends, boy/girlfriend..) How are you better going to meet their needs for communication?

Give this test to you parents / guardians. Complete the analysis.

--Start each day with a hug. --Send a card or love note to your spouse. --Give a small gift on ordinary days. --Telephone to say “I love you” during the day. --Praise daily --Give the gift of listening: refrain from judging. --Complete daily chores together and let this time become a special sharing time. --Put on a slow song and dance before retiring for the evening. ----On a clear evening share a brief star gazing experience. --Help without being asked. --Identify one of your spouse’s weakness and forget it --Look for the good in your partner and praise it. --Admire each other’s achievements. --Buy a book on Marriage and read it --During tough times tell each other why you fell in love the first time. --List all the ways your partner enriches your life and share your list with your spouse.

 Commitment:  Difference between marriage and just living together?  How much is commitment role modeled today?  What does commitment have to do with working through problems?  Communication  Compromise / Conflict Resolution  Caring Scenarios in study guide (Letter to self and Want-Ad)

 There are many factors that tend to be in a couple’s favor for having a successful marriage. Many couples with or without these factors will fail; nevertheless, part of the difference lies in the extent to which couples take care of their marriage. Every marriage needs thought and effort to improve and last.

I make you more possible; You make me more possible; I make us more possible; You make us more possible Us makes you and me more possible.