Revising and Editing Ideas Part 2 Improving your paper!

Standard ELACC8W5: With some guidance and support from peers and adults, develop and strengthen writing as needed by planning, revising, editing, rewriting, or trying a new approach, focusing on how well purpose and audience have been addressed. (Editing for conventions should demonstrate command of

Remember the Writing Domains Ideas: what you actually say in your paper; how well you support the topic Organization: The order your paragraphs come in; the order of your sentences; intro, body, conclusion, appropriate transitions Style: The way you word you essay; interesting vocabulary; figurative language; unique description Conventions: Capitalization; commas; periods; semi- colons; spelling; variety of sentence structure

Revising Before you do anything else, make sure you: 1.Insert your three vocabulary words for the week into the essay 2.Use your weekly grammar insertion skill: If you haven’t, then do so right away!

Skill One: Do not smash many ideas into one sentence and pretend it’s a paragraph Out of all the people in the world, my role model is my older sister. She went to college, she has a great job, and she is nice to everyone. Fix: Divide the ideas into individual, specific sentences.

Out of all the people in the world, my role model is my older sister. She went to college at UGA. Now she has a great job. She is always nice to everyone. New Problem: There are not enough details or transitional elements.

Fix: Add further detail to describe your ideas She went to college at UGA, where she got a degree in pharmacy work. Now she has a great job at CVS pharmacy. She makes a lot of money for keeping people’s prescriptions filled. Someday I hope that I can hold down a good job just like she does. Most importantly, she is always nice to everyone. I have never seen her treat anyone badly. In fact, she goes out of her way to be good to others. For example, once in the grocery store, a lady’s bags broke, and my sister went to help pick everything up, even though she had no reason too other than pure kindness. Her good example makes me watch how I treat others.

Problem: A lot= 2 words Make sure if you use the phrase “a lot,” you put a space in it! A LOT=2 Words!

Problem 3: Organization Every idea in a paragraph has to relate to the topic sentence of that paragraph! Do not squish 2 separate ideas into one long paragraph; instead, break up the ideas into 2 separate paragraphs (it’s okay to have more than 5) Only combine related ideas

Example For one thing, role models need to be responsible for their actions. If they do anything wrong, they should own up to it instead of passing the blame on to someone else. For example, when AJ Green was suspended from several football games in college, he owned up to his actions, he apologized to his fans and his team, and he made an effort to make better decisions. Sure his actions were contemptible, but he redeemed himself by correcting his wrongs. Additionally, he volunteers at local hospitals to visit and cheer up sick patients.

Fix: Separate the Ideas For one thing, role models need to be responsible for their actions. If they do anything wrong, they should own up to it instead of passing the blame on to someone else. For example, when AJ Green was suspended from several football games in college, he owned up to his actions, he apologized to his fans and his team, and he made an effort to make better decisions. His actions were contemptible, but he redeemed himself by correcting his wrongs. Additionally, AJ Green is a good role model because he helps the community. He volunteers at local hospitals to visit and cheer up sick patients. Serving the community is another action that role models actively participate in. They remember that they would not be renowned without support from the community, and so they give back instead of just taking all the time.

Remember these skills plus your old skills: 3 vocab. Words Grammar insertion Divide up sentences when needed Add clear details to further describe your support Add a simile Avoid inappropriate 2 nd person Avoid unclear words: things, stuff, etc, and more