 Training Your Child to Obey  Dealing with Rebellion  Training in Righteousness  Aiming for the Heart

 Training in righteousness is aimed at imparting good character. Training in righteousness teaches our children to:  Discern and what is wise and right even in areas where we have not given them specific instructions.  Do what is wise and right even when we’re not there.  We instill good character in our children by encouraging them to develop good character traits and discouraging (and disciplining) them when they exhibit bad character traits.

 As we seek to instill wisdom and godly character into our children, it seems to me that one of the most helpful places in scripture to begin looking is the book of Proverbs because it was originally given as a training manual for parents to teach their children.  As a supplement to the book of Proverbs, I would also suggest studying and thinking about the various lists of positive and negative character traits that are found throughout scripture – especially those addressed to Christians in the New Testament.

 Character traits addressed in the book of Proverbs:  The Importance of Wisdom The Importance of Wisdom The Importance of Wisdom  The Fear of the Lord The Fear of the Lord The Fear of the Lord  The Purpose and Danger of Anger The Purpose and Danger of Anger The Purpose and Danger of Anger  Sex and Beauty  The Value and Danger of Money and Wealth  The Importance of Work  The Danger of Pride  The Importance of Self-Control  Mending Broken Relationships  Your Plans; God’s Plans  The Power of Our Words  Dealing With Prosperity and Adversity  The Marks of a True Friend

The Importance of Wisdom Proverbs

 Wisdom (Hebrew: HOKMA) generally means “masterful understanding, skill, or expertise”.  In the Bible the word wisdom is used of:  Technical and Artistic skills (Ex 28:3; 31:6)  The Ability to Govern Well (1 Kings 5:7; Proverbs 8:14-16; 20:26; 2 Samuel 14:20)  The Ability to Have Success in War (Isaiah 10:13)  The Ability to Judge Justly (1 Kings 3:28; Isaiah 11:1-6)

 The possession of wisdom enables humans to cope with life and to achieve what would otherwise be impossible. Through wisdom weak and vulnerable creatures such as the ant and the rock badger, cope and survive against insuperable odds. (Prov. 30:24-28) (Bruce Waltke, p.76-77)  Wisdom is competence with regard to the realities and complexities of life. Wisdom is the ability to know the right thing to do in the 80% of life where the rules of morality don’t apply. Being good and moral is not enough – you’ve got to be wise. (Tim Keller)

 As a Christian, wisdom will not only make you competent, it will:  Draw you into a closer relationship with God (2:5)  Enable you to live a holy life and protect you from the pitfalls that come with sinful living. (2:9-19)  Therefore the Bible tells us we should value wisdom and diligently seek it:  …look for [wisdom] as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure…  …look for [wisdom] as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure… (Pro 2:4 NIV)

 How does this apply to our kids?  Kids need to be taught:  What wisdom is  What wisdom will do for them  That wisdom is desirable and valuable  Example of a young person with wisdom: Daniel  Did what was right  But was wise in presenting his plan to the official  When they’re little, you teach children wisdom by:  Making wise choices for them.  Reading stories where wisdom is taught and discussing it with them.  Teaching them to pray for wisdom

The Fear of the Lord Proverbs

 Proverbs tells us that the fear of the Lord is the starting point for getting the wisdom and knowledge that we need to understand how the world works:  The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge (Proverbs 1:7a)  The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight. (Proverbs 9:10)  In other words, Proverbs tells us that in order to have a right view of the world and how it works you must first have a right view of God.  People in modern society don’t think like this.

 In much of our culture today, people think that we can make sense of the world around us through reason – apart from what we believe about God.  Our society views faith as something that is opposed to reason and should be kept private.  Proverbs tells us just the opposite: unless you start with God, nothing in the universe makes sense!

 For the Christian, the “fear of the Lord” means something like this:  The life-changing, joyful awe and wonder that we experience as we look on the greatness of who God is and what He’s done.  In short, to “fear the Lord” is to experience the transforming power of knowing God for who He is.

 How does this apply to our kids?  We need to lay a foundation of a Christian worldview with our kids – everything begins and ends with God (The Alpha and Omega)  A child needs to learn that:  His ultimate authority is God  His ultimate allegiance is to God  Our kids need to be more afraid of displeasing God than of anything else.  We want to guide our kids into a heartfelt desire to please God in all that they do.  We teach our kids the fear of the Lord by:  Setting a personal example (fearing God ourselves)  Teaching them to fear and respect you as a parent – a respect they will later apply to God

The Purpose and Danger of Anger Proverbs

 “Anger is the dynamite of the soul and as a result it has the power to disintegrate things.” (Tim Keller in a sermon on “anger”)  Anger disintegrates community :  A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention (15:18)  A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression. (29:22)  For as the churning of milk produces butter and as punching the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife. (30:33 - NET)

 Unrestrained anger disintegrates your ability to make wise choices:  A man of quick temper acts foolishly… (14:17a)  Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly. (14:29)  A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back. (29:11)  Anger often distorts your view of the world so that you make stupid choices. After you’ve cooled off, you feel like a fool because you were a fool!

 Although anger can be destructive, not all anger is bad - We as believers are commanded to be angry in certain circumstances:  Be angry [note this is a command] and do not sin… (Eph 4:26a)  So what is the positive use of anger?  “Anger is designed to motivate us to take positive action when we encounter injustice.” (Gary Chapman, Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way, p.23)

 How do we distinguish a good and righteous anger from a sinful anger?  If you are angry over behavior that is truly unjust or sinful then your anger is probably righteous.  If you are angry because of personal suffering or unfulfilled desires but there is no sin or injustice involved, then your anger is not righteous but sinful:  You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. (James 4:2a)

 The ideal in the Bible is not “no anger” but “slow anger”  In contrast to righteous, “slow” anger, sinful anger tends to:  React too quickly: Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly. (14:29)  Overreact: A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. (29:11 - NIV)

 How does this apply to our kids?  We need to teach our kids the difference between righteous and unrighteous anger.  We need to teach our kids the harm that unrighteous anger does to them and others.  We will usually need to discipline and instruct when we encounter unrighteous anger in our children.  We need to teach our kids how to properly channel their righteous anger. Often this will involve:  Going to the offender and talking to them (Mat 18)  Reporting an incident to the appropriate authorities  Praying for wisdom