Fundamentals of Case Management Practice: Skills for the Human Services, Third Edition Chapter Seven Identifying Good and Poor Responses By Nancy Summers Published by Brooks Cole Cengage Learning 2009

TWELVE ROADBLOCKS TO COMMUNICATION Ordering, directing, commanding Warning, admonishing, threatening Exhorting, moralizing, preaching Advising, giving solutions Lecturing, teaching, logical arguments Judging, criticizing, disagreeing blaming Praising, agreeing Name-calling, ridiculing, shaming Interpreting, analyzing, diagnosing Reassuring, sympathizing, consoling, supporting Probing, questioning, interrogating Withdrawing, distracting, humoring, diverting

USING THE PHRASE “I UNDERSTAND” “I understand” - often sounds superficial and trite. “I understand how you feel” - Most of us can never know exactly how a client feels. “I understand how you feel, but…” - the “but” tends to negate the client’s very real feelings and push the worker’s perspective instead.

USEFUL RESPONSES Responding to other people in friendships and other familiar relationships is not the same as responding professionally to clients. You are responsible for creating an environment in which the client feel safe enough to be open. You are in charge of creating an environment that builds rapport and collaboration in regard to the client’s problems.

RESPONDING TO FEELINGS RESPONDING TO CONTENT Responding to feelings: Identify the feeling and say that back to the other person. Do so in a single sentence. Do not confuse the person with more than one feeling or by adding more. EXAMPLES: You must feel sad about this. You must have been very proud. Responding to content: A response to indicate that you heard accurately what the client has said. Confirms for the client that the details of his or her story are important to you. EXAMPLES: So you stood waiting for about 2 hours and no one ever came. When you were ready you wanted to leave but he blocked your path.

CLOSED QUESTIONS OPEN QUESTIONS Closed Questions These are used to get facts and information. They require a single answer. They are not used often in discussions that involve problems and feelings. EXAMPLES: What is your address? How many children were in your family. Open Questions These are used to solicit more information. They allow clients to bring out the details that are important to them. EXAMPLES: Can you tell me a little bit about your mother? Tell me about that night.

“I MESSAGES” FIRMER “I MESSAGES” “I Messages” These are used to bring up your concerns. Your concerns and issues belong to you (you own the problem). They are tentative. They end with an invitation to collaborate. EXAMPLE: I’m wondering if it might work better if you and I looked at the way you drive. What do you think? Firmer “I Messages” These are generally used when another person may be unintentionally interfering in some way with the needs of the client. They are more authoritative, but not offensive. They may invite the other to help. EXAMPLE: I really need you to let us finish this interview before we leave the room.

SHOWING APPRECIATION FOR WHAT HAS BEEN SAID Appreciate it when clients bring up their concerns. This makes it safe to discuss issues the client may have with you or the agency. EXAMPLES: I really appreciate your telling me about this. It is helpful to know. Thanks for bringing this up. I appreciate your bringing this issue to my attention.

DISARMING ANGER Questions to begin disarming These questions show a genuine interest in what the client is saying. Do not ask too many questions. One or two are enough. EXAMPLES: Can you tell me how I offended you? Did this happen often? Ways to agree when disarming Look for a kernel of truth in what the person is saying. Refrain from sounding defensive. EXAMPLES: I think we probably don’t know how this inconveniences you. It is very possible we overlooked this.

COLLABORATION In order to move toward change there needs to be collaboration. Even when clients will do most of the work the word “we” can create more of a team approach. Clients can trust your intention to be supportive without taking over Start tentatively: “I’m wondering if… End with an invitation to collaborate. EXAMPLES: I’m think that perhaps we can look at the different clinics in your area and see if there is one where you could get the treatment. What do you think? I’m wondering what you would think of this. We could go over to the court house and get a copy of the records and begin to piece it together from there. What are your thoughts?

FALSE PRAISE VERSUS POSITIVE FEEDBACK Praise does not give the client information the client can use. Feedback contains information about the client the client can rely on in future problems. Feedback generally identifies traits that might be useful to the client in the future. EXAMPLES OF PRAISE: You did a great job with that. You should feel proud of what you accomplished. EXAMPLE OF FEEDBACK: When you spoke to the people in admissions you had all the information on the courses you wanted to take. You were well- prepared and organized.

TWO MINOR PROBLEMS There are two minor problems that can occur when communicating with others: You assess your client’s feelings incorrectly Here the client may correct you giving you more accurate information. She says she did not feel angry but rather she was disappointed. This is helpful to know. Your mind wanders - your mind on occasion will wanders away from the conversation. Practicing good body language, showing interest in what the client is saying will prevent these momentary shifts in focus from becoming real problems.

THREE MAJOR PROBLEMS There are three major problems that can occur when communicating with others: You cannot wait to pass judgment - rather than listening the worker is judging what the client is saying and what the client has done. These workers are preoccupied with what they want to say and can’t wait to pass along an authoritative judgment. You ignore the client’s feelings - The client expresses emotion but the worker does not notice and focuses instead on the facts and a solution. You cannot wait to offer a solution - the worker rushes to a solution without establishing rapport or letting the client know that the underlying feelings were heard.