Family Dynamics H236: Adolescent Development

Parenting Adolescents What Teens Need… Autonomy Responsibility Competence What parents want… Internalization of values & behavioral standards Equip youth to become productive members of society Instill emotional wellbeing & emotional security (a relationship!) Protect their children

Parents love their teens…but, Expressions of closeness change For parents, expressing love for their teen is like… Hugging a Cactus Arp & Arp, (1999). Suddenly they’re 13, on the art of hugging a cactus: A parents’ survival guide for the adolescent years

Parenting a Cactus It’s a renegotiation

Adolescence in the developmental plan Infancy Adulthood Parent Regulation Self Regulation Co-Regulation Adolescence Declines in… Supervision Behavioral control Communication Unilateral authority Increases in… Collective-discussion based decisions Challenges to parental authority Conflict Adolescent Responsibility Renegotiation Parents are doing this while simultaneously getting to know a new school context

Conflict in the Context of Renegotiation Most common with Moms (Siblings, friends, romantic partner…dad) Most intense between moms and daughters Conflict with parents is more coercive Different perceptions of pace of autonomy development (esp. immigrant families) Tend to be about “seemingly” mundane things Domains of control (e.g., dress, hairstyle…) Change in conflict across adolescence

Conflicts per minute Granic, Dishion, & Hollenstein (2003)

What about those “mundane” things? What do parents *really* mean? “No, you can’t wear that to school” Read: “That’s too sexually provocative!” “I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you to date him” Read: “I worry he might pressure you for sex and you might be interested.” “You have to be home at 11” Read: “The movie ends at 10 and I don’t want you to have time to get into trouble” “I don’t like that crowd you are hanging around” Read: “they look like they might get into trouble and persuade you to join them.”

Conflict Resolution Most conflict resolved by disengagement or submission Compromise is rare…but more common with moms than dads Submission declines with age Disengagement increases More common with sons

Parenting: Mechanisms of Influence Day to day interactions become patterns Create associations between interactions and emotions “Attractors” or “scripts” are created (for good & ill) Rehearsed Points in development ripe for bifurcation and renegotiation (i.e., adolescence) Scripts and attractors must be renegotiated Conflict provides context for novel interactions to develop into new scripts and attractors In childhood parental goals held most weight—less clear in adolescence Far more opportunities for parents to be “goal-blockers”

Conflict: It’s not all Bad… Conflict is not universal Most common among American Majority Culture More common among acculturating families For other cultures, even if there are disagreements, it is likely that respect for elders prevails It’s not all bad Permits the rehearsal of negotiation skills May strengthen a secure relationship by effectively dealing with issues Opportunity to reconsider/revise expectations and renegotiate roles and responsibilities

Parents & Youth as drivers of Parenting Practices Parenting  youth outcomes In what contexts do you think this is the case? Youth  parenting What did you think of the Statin Kerr article? How can you imagine this happening? Can you emphasize?

Help that parents (and teens) need… Known and safe environments Other adults that affirm parents’ beliefs and goals Support and knowledge for parents about parenting. Parents don’t know how to help

How can we support teens and their families? Teens need other adults who will support them and hold them accountable. Be one or help them find one. Parents need support and guidance, especially in the early teen years as they are “re-figuring out” parenting Help them understand adolescent development, especially cognitive development Help them understand what is “typical” Empathize rather than blame

Parents & Adolescents Survive the Teen Years Best described as a time of renegotiation Secure and close relationships in childhood buffer the teen years