COMMUNICATION Pages 4-6

Michigan Merit Curriculum Standard 7: Social Skills – 4.9 Demonstrate how to apply listening and assertive communication skills in situations that may involve parents, family members, other trusted adults, peer, boyfriends/girlfriends, and health professionals. – 4.10 Demonstrate how to respond constructively to the anger of others. – 4.5 Demonstrate the ability to express emotions constructively, including use of anger management skills. – 3.13 Demonstrate the ability to use conflict resolution skills.

COMMUNICATON Is critical because it let others know what you feel, what you want and need, and what you know. Is critical because it let others know what you feel, what you want and need, and what you know. Effective communication is a two-way street. It means sending messages that are interpreted correctly, and it means interpreting messages that you receive. Effective communication is a two-way street. It means sending messages that are interpreted correctly, and it means interpreting messages that you receive.

COMMUNICATION There are three basic skills associated with effective communication: speaking, listening, and body language There are three basic skills associated with effective communication: speaking, listening, and body language.

Say clearly what you mean. Do not assume others can read your mind or know your needs or expectations. Changes in your tone of voice and its pitch and loudness plays a large role in how you communicate. Saying no too softly makes it seem as if you don’t mean what you are saying. So it is not just what you say that is important to communicating but how you say it.

Breaking down a Message 7% = words 38%= pitch/tone 55%= Body Language

 How is the communication process altered when you and the same friend talk on the phone?  What happens when you and the same friend “talk” via or texting?

 When the message to be delivered has a strong emotional content, it is best to use an “I” message.  An “I” message is a statement in which a person tells how he or she feels using the pronoun “I”  Using “I” messages can help you avoid blaming, name- calling, or antagonizing the other person in other ways.

I - messages I feel When Because “I feel unappreciated when you ignore me when you are with your friends because I care about you.” 4.9 Demonstrate how to apply listening and assertive communication skills in situations that may involve parents, family members, other trusted adults, peer, boyfriends/girlfriends, and health professionals.

“I” Message ANTAGONISTIC MESSAGE CONSTRUCTIVE “I” MESSAGE You idiot! What have you done with my ipod? I dislike when you borrow my things and don’t return them. Why do we always have to do what you want to do? I’ll agree to go swimming today if I get to pick the activity next time we’re together. You’re always late! I don’t know why I even bother being your friend. I worry about you when I expect to meet you at 6:00 and you don’t show up.

 Listening is the part of communication that is most often overlooked.  “Hearing” is not the same as listening!  The average listener correctly understands, properly evaluates, and retains only about 30 percent of what he or she hears in a 10-minute presentation.  Within 48 hours, memory of what was said drops to an even lower percentage.

Skilled listeners use “active listening”, really paying attention to what someone is saying and feeling.. Active listeners techniques –  Reflective listening. Rephrase or summarize what the other person has said so that you are sure you understand what is intended. “So, you would like your parents to trust you more, is this right?” ACTIVE LISTENING

Encouraging. Give signals that you are really interested and involved. Saying “Can you tell me more…?” Clarifying. Ask the person how he or she feels about the situation or asking questions to understand what is being said. “When did this happen?” Empathizing. Feel what the other person is feeling. If the person feels sad, feel sad too. “You seem very upset.”

ACTIVE LISTENING Validating – to acknowledge the value of their issues and feelings. Show appreciation for their efforts and actions. “I appreciate your willingness to resolve this matter.” Validating – to acknowledge the value of their issues and feelings. Show appreciation for their efforts and actions. “I appreciate your willingness to resolve this matter.”

Tips for becoming a more effective listener: – Give your full attention to the person speaking – Listen for feeling and watch for gestures. – Make eye contact. Do not interrupt. Wait your turn.

COMMUNICATION: AGREEING TO DISAGREE  It is not realistic to think that you and your friends will agree on everything. Give the person a turn to speak. Avoid shouting the person down. Keep your ears-and-mind- open. Use “I” messages. You will feel better in the end if you express your beliefs and feelings in an appropriate way.

AGREEING TO DISAGREE  Stick to the subject. Don’t bring the person’s character or personality into the discussion. Keep the tone friendly. If your friend holds a different view from yours on a particular topic, remember that tastes vary from individual to individual.

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM Use constructive criticism, non-hostile comments that point out problems and have the potential to help a person change. Avoid attacking the other person. Avoid placing blame or resorting to name-calling.

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM Start with an “I” message, then point out what the person is doing or has done, and describe a better way to do it. “I really dislike missing the opening of the show. Please try to arrive earlier next time.”

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS AND COMPLIMENTS Have you received a thank-you note or a verbal pat on the back for a job well done? Have you even given one? Complimenting another person is a way of acknowledging his or her self worth.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS AND COMPLIMENTS These gestures can go a long way toward improving the health of a relationship and another’s person’s opinion of you.