Why do I say YES when I mean to say NO ? APPA March 19-20, 2015

AGENDA Why do I say yes? What stops me from saying no? Practise ways to say no. Learn how to manage expectations. 2

Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?March THE EMOTION BEHIND A NO What feelings do the word NO evoke in you? Why?

Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?March 2015 WHEN DO I SAY NO? Group discussion around when it is easiest and hardest to say no 4

Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?March 2015 WHY DO WE RESIST SAYING NO?  We want to help  We want to be agreeable  We fear conflicts  We fear losing opportunities  We fear that the person will take a "no" as a sign of rejection... These are all false beliefs in our mind.

Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?March 2015 WHY DO WE RESIST SAYING NO?  We usually seek approval from others  We can be unrealistic sometimes about what we can do in a certain lapse of time.  We are often unclear about our priorities.  We do not understand enough the reasons/context of the task that is being requested.

Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?March 2015 THE RECIPE FOR NO 7 In order to be able to say "no", whenever appropriate, you need to : Have a clear understanding of your role and the role of your team members. Know your objectives & priorities Have a good grasp of the current work tasks/projects you have on your plate at all times and their due dates.

Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?March 2015 KEY QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE SAYING “YES OR NO" TO A TASK:  Do I have time to do it? How urgent and/or important is it?  Am I the right person for the task? Is someone else best suited to the job?  Does this request fit with my goals and objectives? 8

Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?March 2015 WAYS TO SAY NO  OPTION  OPTION: Instead of saying "no", tell the person what you can do considering the other priorities you have to deal with.  Request a longer timeline to do the task.  Suggest doing a portion of the task and requesting the support of a colleague who may have a greater expertise in the domain.  In dealing with your boss you can say I would be happy to help with that and would need you to tell me which other task I would need to drop in order to make this happen. 9

Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?March 2015 WAYS TO SAY NO OPTION OPTION :In negotiation technique programs, we suggest saying instead: “Yes, and…” demonstrating that you have heard and understood the person. Option : Option : Just say no in a firm yet respectful manner. If asked why you can state that it doesn’t fit in your priorities and/or schedule. Option : Option : don’t answer right away. Tell the person that you will check your calendar and get back to them 10

Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?March 2015 HOW TO SAY "YES" TO THE PERSON BUT "NO" TO THE TASK Saying "yes to the person and no to the task" may also mean negotiating different arrangements to accommodate the request in a different way. 11

Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?March 2015 To say "yes" to the person, first answer three main questions: What does this person really need? Find areas of flexibility. Determine priorities. How else can this person's need be met? Find a different frame of reference or approach to the problem. Look for time and resource alternatives. How can I support this person to have the need met? Define the larger goal. Look for common interests and needs. 12 HOW TO SAY "YES" TO THE PERSON BUT "NO" TO THE TASK

Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?March

Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?March 2015 LET’S PRACTICE Think of a scenario in which you have difficulty saying no (even though you want to). Write it down Partner with someone and tell them about the situation. Then I want you to role play how you can say no. You can choose one of the options that we talked about or formulate your own method. 14

Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?March 2015 What is your take away 15