Revising Your Expository Essay

Label Your Thesis 0 Underline your Thesis Statement 0 Highlight your first effect in one color 0 Highlight your second effect in a different color

Label Your First Body Paragraph 0 The first sentence should match the first effect in your thesis 0 If they do match, highlight it in the same color. 0 If they don’t match, write a new sentence about the first effect of greed in your thesis. 0 Circle and label your Pearl example

Label your Second Body Paragraph 0 The first sentence of this paragraph should match the second effect in your thesis 0 If they do match, highlight it in the same color. 0 If they don’t match, write a new sentence about the first effect of greed in your thesis. 0 Circle and label your nonfiction example

Revision Step 1: Intro Strategies  Beginning with a short, startling statement that needs further explanation. “I don’t talk on Sundays. I haven’t in more than three years.”  Defining the central term of the prompt. For example, focus on the meaning of the term “hardship” before explaining how hardships are necessary.  Beginning with background information necessary to understand the explanation or examples.

Revision Step 2: Clear Thesis THESIS: The central/controlling idea or argument of your essay. A thesis statement tells your purpose for writing or gives your opinion about a topic. Does your thesis statement include your two reasons? Does it include the words “greed,” “effects,” and “someone’s life”? Or a variation of those words?

Revision Step 3: Topic Sentences and Conclusion Sentences 0 Look at your first sentence of each of your body paragraphs. Does it have an effect of greed? 0 REMEMBER: It shouldn’t mention The Pearl or your non-fiction example specifically. 0 Look at your last sentence of each body paragraph. Does it wrap up that example by explaining the importance of that effect of greed? 0 REMEMBER: It shouldn’t mention The Pearl or your non-fiction example specifically.

Revision Step 4: Strong Evidence 0 What are your two examples? 0 In your example, will your reader understand who did what and when? 0 If not, what can you add? 0 Will your reader understand why this happened? 0 If not, how can you expand?

Revision Step 5: Writing a Conclusion 0 Double underline your conclusion. 0 Does it clearly state why this issue is important and meaningful? 0 If not, please add one.

Re-writing your Essay 0 With these changes in mind, re-write your essay on the provided 26-line paper. 0 Consider making these changes as we have discussed: 0 New introduction that ends with a clear thesis statement. 0 Elaborate or change your examples in each paragraph- include more specific detail. 0 Add an effective conclusion 0 Check that every sentence is focused on proving your thesis. 0 Look at word choice- strong verbs, precise adjectives, and avoid repetitive wording. 0 Check for any and all grammatical errors. 0 Check your essay with the rubric- what score would you give yourself?

Record examples of the following terms in your blue packet based on your essay: 0 Thesis—a sentence that states the point of the essay, usually at the end of the introduction 0 Supporting details—specific details that prove or support the thesis, found in the body paragraph(s) 0 Topic sentence—the first sentence of a body paragraph that states the point of the paragraph