Marriages and Families: Changes, Choices and Constraints Seventh Edition Nijole V. Benokraitis Chapter Eight

How Often Do We Date? A majority of Americans age 18 and older either are dating or would like to. Dating has declined among people under age 18, but 24% of high school students say they date frequently. How we meet people and what we call dating has changed over the years.

Why Do We Date? Sociologists consider dating a “marriage market” in which the participants look at the assets and liabilities in each partner and decide which is the best for what they have to offer. Dating fulfills a number of specific functions that vary according to a person’s age, social class and gender. Functions may be manifest or latent.

Manifest Functions of Dating Maturation Fun and recreation Companionship Love and affection Mate selection

Latent Functions of Dating Socialization Social status Fulfillment of ego needs Sexual experimentation and intimacy Big business

The Dating Spectrum In traditional dating, males and females follow clear, culturally defined gender role scripts, at least among the middle class. Bat Mitzvah and Bar Mitzvah in the Jewish community. “Going steady” and “getting pinned” were popular after WWII. A couple was pinned when her boyfriend gave her his fraternity pin. “Going with” or “going together” means a couple is dating exclusively.

Contemporary Dating Much more casual and usually happens in groups. Teenagers now a days “hang out”. “Getting together” is more intimate and structured than hanging out. The specifics are more spontaneous. “Hooking Up” is a little more serious and usually involves a physical encounter. It is a vague term and can mean anything from kissing to having sex.

Traditional and Contemporary Combinations Proms and Homecoming Parties-still among the most popular dating events for young people. Dating in later life. Dating after divorce or after being widowed can be therapeutic and intimidating. Online dating has become more popular in recent years as well.

Personal Ads-published in mainstream magazines, the web etc Mail Order Brides-There are more than 200 international services that provide men seeking an international bride. There is still a lot of controversy over this type of business. How do we meet people

How do we meet people? Professional matchmakers-make a living by matching people up. Speed dating- The idea is to meet as many people as you can in a very short time.

Cyberdating Millions of people turn to the internet to find the right person these days. There are pros and cons to trying to find a dating partner in this way.

Choosing Whom we Date: Choices and Constraints In the US we think we can marry whomever we want, and we can to an extent, but there are many forces at work in helping us make that decision. We are affected by many things like our religion, family and socio economic status.

Homogamy and Filter Theory According to filter theory we sift eligible people according to specific criteria and thus narrow the pool of potential partners to a small number of candidates. Homogamy refers to dating or marrying someone with similar backgrounds that we have.

Homogamy and Filter Theory These are some of the things we use to “filter” potential mates: –Propinquity-geographic closeness –Ethnicity and Race-to some these are still important factors in finding a partner. –Religion-cam also affect dating and marriage relationships. –Social Class-we tend to stay with groups within our own social. –Physical Appearance-no matter how we want to look at it, appearance does matter. –Age-we generally marry someone close to our own age in most situations. –Values and Personality-we look for am partners who are much like us.

Heterogamy: Expanding the Marriage Market As US society becomes more diverse and multicultural, marrying across traditional boundaries is bound to happen. Some “"new kinds" of relationships include –Same Sex Relationships –Social Class Cross Relationships –Interfaith relationships –Interracial and interethnic relationships

Theories of Mate Selection Social Exchange Theory posits that people will begin and remain in a relationship if the rewards are higher than the costs. Equity Theory-an intimate relationship is satisfying and stable if both partners see it as equitable and mutually beneficial.

Dating Violence Just as there can be abuse in married relationships, there can be violence in dating relationships. The violence is usually born out of the struggle for power in the relationship with mostly women losing. Not only violence, but rape can happen just as easily in a dating relationship.

A Global View Most traditional cultures do not have the open court ship abilities that we have in this country. In some very traditional countries children are betrothed to someone when they are very young and a marriage is seen as a contract between two families. These traditional marriage arrangements are changing in some traditional cultures, especially the ones who have more educated young people.

There are consequences of Date Rape The victim in many cases blame themselves. Not only do they end up blaming themselves, but often others blame the victim as well. This makes it extremely difficult to tell to a judge and a jury what really happened.

Why We Break Up? According to one poll nearly half of Americans adults have gotten the romantic heave-ho at least twice in their lifetime. There are numerous reasons for break ups that include: Individual reasons (communication problems, different interests, emotional and physical abuse.) Structural reasons which include: Moving away, economic hardships that trigger unemployment and fights about money.