How to Transform Destructive Marriages Marriage Enrichment Series

Introduction: In marriage we are able to find companionship, comfort, and completeness. We are also challenged to grow in our spiritual maturity more into the image of Christ.

The Primary Functions of Marriage: 1.Partnership (Gen. 2:18-25; 1 Pet. 3:7) 2.Protection (Eph. 5:25) 3.Provision (Eph. 5;28-29, 33) 4.Pleasure & Purity (Prov. 5:15-19; Song of Solomon; 1 Cor. 7:3-5, 8-9) 5.Procreation (Gen. 1:27-28; 4:1-2; Psa. 127:3)

But, we all know that these ideals are often not displayed in marriages, even within the church.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” (2 Cor. 5:17, NKJV)

I. Destructive Relational Patterns 1.One or both parties commit physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual abuse upon the other. 2.One person is regularly overprotective, overbearing, or both toward the other. 3.One person is over-dependent upon the other to affirm his/her personal value and worth, to meet all of his/her needs, and to make most of his/her decisions.

4. One person demonstrates a pattern of deceiving the other through lying, hiding, pretending, misleading, or twisting information to make something appear other than what it is. 5. One person exhibits chronic indifference, neglect, or both toward the thoughts, feelings, or well-being of the other.

These sinful types of interactions become destructive when they become repetitive patterns.

II. Solutions: Things to Stop and Things to Start Things to Stop: Stop acting out sexually, including pornography (1 Cor. 5; 6:12-20) Stop threatening to leave your spouse (1 Cor. 7:15-16) Stop blaming your spouse (1 Cor. 13:4-7) Stop talking negatively about your spouse to others Stop lying to your spouse

Things to Stop (contin.)... Stop keeping secrets from your spouse Stop criticizing your spouse Stop taking advantage of your spouse Stop abusing your spouse (verbally or physically) Stop holding grudges against your spouse and stonewalling them.

Things to Start: Start fasting and praying for your spouse and your relationship (1 Cor. 7:5) Start looking for the good in your spouse Start complimenting and praising your spouse Start speaking kindly and gently to your spouse Start helping your spouse with their tasks Start doing thoughtful things for your spouse

Things to Start (contin)... Start forgiving your spouse (2 Cor. 2:5-8) Start listening to your spouse non- defensively Start ministering to and serving your spouse (2 Cor. 5:18) Start setting a good example for your spouse (1 Cor. 7:12-16) Start demonstrating love and respect for your spouse (Eph. 5:21-29) Start sacrificing deeply for your spouse (Eph. 5:25).

Five Key Steps Toward Reconciliation: 1. Determine What the Problems are!

Five Key Steps Toward Reconciliation: 2. Decide to Stick it Out!

Five Key Steps Toward Reconciliation: 3. Dream Together Again!

Five Key Steps Toward Reconciliation: 4. Do the Same Things that Helped You Fall in Love!

Five Key Steps Toward Reconciliation: 5. Date Each Other Regularly!

Conclusion: We can all work on improving our marriages! With God’s help, there is always hope of reconciliation, restoration, and renewal.