Discipline Helping children to learn to behave in acceptable ways on their own.

Punishment Discipline is not a synonym with punishment. Discipline teaches kids how to behave The long range goal of discipline is for a child to learn to control his or her own behavior. Punishment penalizes a child for misbehavior. Excessive punishment is usually given out of parental frustration and indicates the parent is out of control. Punishment teaches a child what NOT to do instead of how to behave.

Discipline Information Parents will usually find the need to discipline a child for the first time between the ages of 8 and 15 months. Use distraction Remove child from situation No medical or parenting professionals or organizations endorse spanking as an appropriate or safe method of discipline. How you discipline your child usually is affected by: Your own discipline history Your personal parenting style

Parenting Styles… Authoritarian The traditional form of parenting The parent’s word is law… Obedience is stressed All misconduct is punished Parents show little affection Child is rarely praised Child has no input in discipline Most likely to spank Most likely to become abusive

Parenting Styles… Permissive Avoid punishing the child. Avoid inhibiting impulses or desires. Few house rules. Few demands relating to chores. Child regulates own activities. Reason with child but rarely apply parent power. Little responsibility is expected of child. Sometimes very permissive parents are neglectful.

Parenting Styles…Democratic Parents set reasonable limits Parents enforce rule Listen receptively to the child’s requests and opinions. Parent provides explanations and rationales. Household runs using a routine, but not a rigid schedule.

How would each style react to the following scenario? It is 8:15 p.m. on a Tuesday evening in late November. An eight year old girl has an 8:30 p.m. bedtime. She asks her Dad if she can stay up until 9:00 p.m. tonight to watch Frosty the Snowman.

Why Spanking is A BAD CHOICE! 142,000 children are injured from spanking every year in the United States. 18,000 of these children will be permanently disabled. Over 1,000 American children die every year from corporal punishment (spanking)

70% of all child abuse cases involve spanking. “Discipline” is used as the rationale in 41% of homicide prosecutions when parents “accidentally” kill their children. More than 99% of people in prison were spanked as children.

The American Academy of Pediatrics called spanking the LEAST EFFECTIVE discipline method in a 1995 policy statement. Children who are spanked have more instances of misbehavior than children who are not spanked.

Spanking teaches children: That it is okay to hit others That it is all right to be hit by people who love you That hitting is a suitable way to solve problems To listen out of fear instead of because it is the right thing to do.

But the Bible says… SPARE THE ROD, SPOIL THE CHILD This idea comes from Proverbs and is suggested by King Solomon. (13:24) Did you know that Solomon harshly disciplined his son, Rehoboam, and Rehoboan became a tyrannical and oppressive dictator who narrowly escaped being stoned to death by his own people for his cruelty? The time period where the “rod” was suggested also practiced genocide and human slavery. The “rod” is actually the scepter of authority (think 23 rd Psalm)

Spanking Information 30% of U.S. parents acknowledged they had hit their child with a brush, belt, stick or other hard object within the last year. 2/3 of U.S. mothers of children under 6 hit their children at least three times per week. Spanking approval rate is down from 80% in 1980 to 65% today.

Long Term effects of Spanking Children who are spanked: Have lower self-esteem Have increased misbehavior Are more likely to be victimized in an abusive relationship Are more likely to suffer addiction Are more likely to commit domestic abuse Are more likely to commit child abuse Feel resentful, humiliated and helpless

“Hurting a child on purpose, is hurting a child on purpose whether it’s occasionally or quite often.” Penelope Leach

Good Discipline Techniques Time Out Remove the child from the area of activity Generally one minute per year of age Not in the child’s bedroom After time out, conference with child Not effective for children under the age of 2.

Remove Privileges Logical Consequences Avoid taking everything in a fit of frustration.

Hold Family Meeting to Set Rules Only works when rules are negotiable Can also be used as a “back on track” session when necessary Can use to choose chores Try to limit serious rules to

Prepare child for situation We are going to Kroger. Today we are buying milk, cereal, and yogurt. You can pick out the cereal and your sister can pick out the yogurt. We are not buying candy. Tell the child what is expected of their behavior. Bring along a “busy kit” for boring situations Allow transition time: Play for 10 more minutes and then it will be time to brush your teeth…

Model the Correct Behavior Practice what you preach! Do you make YOUR bed? Do you invade the space of others? Do you smoke? Do you say thank you?

Repayment When your child damages the feeling or property of others help them find a way to repay or make things right. Mow the lawn to make up for breaking the window…

PRAISE, PRAISE, PRAISE Tell them when they have done well. Let them “overhear” you tell someone else about how great they have behaved.

Change the environment to change the behavior Brother and sister kick each other at the table, change the seating arrangement. Child spills milk… Do they need a smaller glass?

Focus on DO’s instead of DON’Ts NOT: Don’t talk loudly. INSTEAD: Use your indoor voice Try to have 10 positive interactions with your child for every negative…

Give Choices Only use when the child has a choice. Brushing teeth and bedtime are a must… so: Do you want to brush your teeth before your bedtime story or after the story? NOT: Do you want to brush your teeth now? Practicing making decisions now will help them make decisions as an adult. Giving Choices gives a child a sense of responsibility and self- respect.

Provide Reasons for unacceptable behavior Is the behavior embarrassing? Private? Dangerous? Hurtful to others?

Other reminders: Be consistent Event to event Child to child Be Timely Don’t say… Wait till Daddy comes home Be Fair Communicate Your Love Follow through with consequences Control your Emotions