Today’s Lesson – May 01, 2016  Life Changes for Couples  Intro  By Martin Edwards

life changes for couples A Biblical 12-Step Journey for Marriage Enrichment

What?...Another Marriage Study!  Marriage is under attack  Consider How TV and Movies Portray Marriage  Consider How Often Marriages Explode  Consider Your Marriage  Marriages can always use a tune up  How well do you maintain your car…home…etc.?

Are you a “Hot Mess”?  Origin of the term  18 th Century military term - facility providing hot food  19 th Century military term – an especially tough battle  Today societal term – "person's appearance is in a state of total disarray while still maintaining an undeniable attractiveness"

The Good News – God Understands  Scripture guides when we encounter a mess 19 Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. 20 Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin. Romans 3:19-20 (NIV)

The Good News – God Guides  Scripture guides when we think we can help 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. Matthew 7: 4 – 5 (NIV) Yank the plank!

C. S. Lewis – Mere Christianity  Why did he become a Christian?  Saw couples quarreling  Each appealed to a standard above themselves  “through the law we become conscious of our sin”  How do we apply that in our marriages?  Do we bring Christ into the center of marriage?  Is Jesus’ example (love others) our measuring stick?

Book Process – Small Group Model  Separation to allow dialog and accountability

The Book Process Instruction Introspection Interaction A Texas 2-Step The Challenge Identified The Step Explained A Tool Box The means to remember A picture to support Table Talk Bringing it home Making it real

Freedom Group Guidelines  Anonymity – protect identities  Confidentiality – said at table stays at table  Self-Focus – this is self-help not fix others  Respect – we are all messes so be respectful  Letting God Work – share you do not preach at them  Limited Sharing – be aware of others’ need to share  Allowance of feelings – deal with them kindly  Regular Attendance – showing up matters  Listening – do we need a talking stick?  Staying on subject – rabbit holes are for hunting rabbits

The Healing Environment  Why do you go to the hospital?  What are your expectations of that visit?  How could a visit to a “marriage hospital” benefit your marriage? 31 Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 32 I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” Luke 5:32-32

The Healing Environment  Some Facts:  We all make self-destructive choices  We are all one dumb decision from the next mess  Our Desired Outcome  ?...it’s up to you (both of you) What is the main need that causes you to show up week after week at Team Mates?

Your Mantra to Succeed  Suit Up  Consider the information provided  Show Up  Be here  Speak Up  Participate in a constructive manner for personal insight

The Goal What is the prescription for success?  Integrity  What is presented on the outside is the same as what is actually on the inside  Paradox of integrity  Integrity is not climbing up to but crawl down to  Principle: The main hindrance to integrity is fear.  I cannot live with integrity as long as I need your approval or fear your disapproval

Table Talk  How much of your life is driven by the need for approval or the fear of disapproval?  What is different on your outside from what is really on your inside?

The Goal What is the prescription for success?  Perseverance  Real change is a process requiring time  This is where the team comes in  Hope – when you loose hope seek others  Healing – encouraging others’ successes is positive  Help – establish loving accountable relationships

Table Talk  Do you consider yourself a finisher? Why?  How can the team help you be a finisher?

The Goal What is the prescription for success?  Wholeness  When emotional & spiritual health are at a point where you are giving more than taking  Principle  Gratitude unlocks the door to wholeness  Luke 17 – Jesus heals the 10 men with leprosy

Table Talk  List 3 things you are grateful to God for in your marriage Homework: Decide what you are going to do with this information Discuss the most important thing you learned this week with your spouse

Prayer Time  Pray for your marriage  Pray for your spouse – no fix them prayers  Pray for Team Mates – arm us for spiritual warfare  Pray for yourself – seek to realize your need for healing and seek God to be healed

May 8th life change for couples Chapter 2 The Emotional/Spiritual Principle