Milby Mentor Program 2012

Habit 1 : Be proactive Habit 2 : Begin with the end in mind Habit 3 : Put first things first Habit 4 : Think win-win Habit 5 : Seek first to understand, then to be understood Habit 6 : Synergize Habit 7 : Sharpen the saw The 7 habits can help you: 1. Get control of your life 2. Improve your relationships 3. Increase your self confidence 4. Be happy!

 Habit #1Be Proactive  A proactive person takes responsibility for his/her life.  Reactive people make choices based on feelings, moods and emotions

 Self-awareness  Conscience  Imagination  Willpower I can stand apart from myself and observe my thoughts and actions. I can listen to my inner voice to know right from wrong. I can envision new possibilities. I have the power to choose.

1. Know what they stand for and have a strong set of values. 2. Listen to their “better” selves. 3. Realize they have choices and take responsibility for those choices. 4. Bounce back when something bad happens in their lives. 5. Always look at all the options. 6. Focus on things they can do something about, don’t worry about the other things.

Habit #2 Begin with the end in mind  Define your mission and goals in life.  Effective people shape their own future with their personal mission statement as their guide.

 What qualities do I want to develop in myself?  What contributions do I want to make to others and my community?  What kind of things will I need to have for the kind of future I want?

 You must know where you want to go, who you want to be, and what you want to achieve in life.  You need a mission statement.  A mission statement is a personal credo or motto that states what your life is about.

Habit #3 Put First Things First  Understand the difference between urgency and importance  Learn to put first things first in your life Recap

 Goals  Important  Planner  Role  Urgent A specific thing you are trying to accomplish An activity you find valuable and that contributes to your mission, values and high- priority goals A person who consciously looks ahead and plans with specific goals in mind The position you occupy in relation to another An activity you or others feel requires immediate attention Review Terms

 Do one thing that would make a significant difference in the roles you listed. Share with your group what you have identified in the previous activity, write one goal next to each role. Last week, you were asked to…

 Understand Win-Win  Understand how courage and determination create win-win relationships  Understand how to create win-win agreements

Habit # 4 Think Win-Win

 Lose-lose  Lose-Win  Win-Lose  Win-Win People with this paradigm approach differences with fear. People with a lose-win mindset are easily intimidated and readily give in or go along with others These people achieve what they want at the expense of others These people believe that everyone can win

 Identify one situation in your personal life and school life that could be better for both people if win-lose were replaced by win-win thinking– if cooperation replaced competition.

Habit # 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

 Paradigm shift  Spacing out  Pretend listening  Selective Listening  When we change the way we think about and see things  Ignoring the person talking to you while you’re caught up in your own thoughts.  Listening in a way that makes the other person feel like they’re not all that important  Focusing in on only a part of the conversation that interests you and pursuing that rather than hearing out the other person’s thoughts.

 Word listening: Focusing on the words only, not the body language or the meanings behind the words said.  Self-centered listening: hearing others’ words from your own point of view only, resulting in turning the conversation around to what interest you.  Genuine listening: listening with your eyes, heart, and ears.

“Self-evaluation” activity POOR 1AVERAGE 3 OUTSTANDING 5 On a scale of 1 to 5,how do you think the following people would rate you as a listener: Your best friend12345 Your parent(s)12345 A team partner12345 A friend at school12345 A family member12345

 How did you do? To improve your listening skills, let’s first decide what are some barriers to listening.  Give a few examples of barriers to listening.  What makes it easy to listen to another person?

Genuine listening is really listening to get inside another person’s mind and heart. It’s trying to see the world through someone else’s eyes.

 “Let me see if I understand what you’re saying.”  “It seems to you that…”  “You feeling now is that…”  “So, as you see it….”

 Practice genuine listening skills with someone.  Think about the scenario below: ◦ Dad and Steve are talking about the car. Dad gets upset and says, “No, you cannot use the car tonight an that’s final!” ◦ What's a genuine response to the scenario?