Five Brush Strokes

To Write Well, We Need to Learn to See Well Nurturing the visual eye in your writing brings heart, soul, and LIFE to your writing.

Compare It was winter. Everything was frozen and white with snow. Snow had fallen from the sky for days. The weather was horrible. Mossflower lay deep in the grip of midwinter beneath a sky of leaden gray that showed tinges of scarlet and orange on the horizon. A cold mantle of snow draped the landscape, covering the flatlands to the west. Snow was everywhere, filling the ditches, drifting high against the hedgerows, making paths invisible, smoothing the contours of earth in its white embrace. –Brian Jacques (1988)

It’s important to Paint With Words Writer’s images– details, colors, shapes, movement--arise out of what the eye sees. Powerful writers visualize specific details that create a virtual reality.

Compare: Which one creates the mental equivalent of a film? Pro: Mary shuffled into the kitchen, yawning and blinking. Collapsing into the chair, she closed her eyes, crossed her arms for a pillow, and slowly tucked her head onto the fold. Amateur writer: Mary was tired.

Your Job: Lead Readers Through a Visual Journey Use images abundantly Use close-ups Use action scenes Use angle shots. Select words like colors on a palette. Apply sentence structures like brush strokes to a verbal canvass

Five Basic Brush Strokes The writer’s basic repertoire of grammatical sentence structures: The participle The absolute The appositive Adjectives shifted out of order Action verbs

Brush Stroke #1: Painting with Participles Simply put: a participle is an ing verb place at the beginning or end of a sentence. For example: Change “The diamond back water snake attacked its prey” To: “Hissing, slithering, and coiling, the diamond back snake attacked its prey.”

Improvise Through Using Phrases For example, ad participial phrases and modifiers that complete the image: “Hissing its forked red tongue and coiling its cold body, the diamond- back snake attacked its prey.” Using single participles creates rapid movement. Expanded phrases add details at a slower but equally intense pace.

EXAMPLES FROM PROFESSIONALS: Shifting the weight of the line to his left shoulder and kneeling carefully, he washed his hand in the ocean and held it there, submerged, for more than a minute, watching the blood trail away and the steady movement of the water against his hand as the boat moved. (Ernest Hemingway, The Old Man and the Sea. 1952, 56-57) The man got out of the chair with difficulty, pushing himself up with his arms, holding his breath as he rose. (Robert Ludlum, Bourne Identity, 1975, 23)

Student Examples: Flying through the air on the wings of a dream, the Olympic long jumper thrust the weight of his whole body forward. (Cathleen Conroy) Melody froze, dripping with sweat hoping with all her might that they wouldn’t hear the noise. A beam of light swung out into the darkness, searching. (Becky Swab)

Lesson 2: Painting with Absolutes Definition: an absolute is a two-word combination, a noun and an ing or ed verb added to a sentence. Example: Instead of saying “The cat climbed the tree,” Add two absolutes to give it detail: “Claws digging, feet kicking, the cat climbed the tree.”

Try this visualization to help you understand: Close your eyes. Picture a mountain climber moving along a steep cliff. Pause. Visualize this one- sentence description. “The mountain climber edged along the cliff.” Now I will add a brush stroke: a noun with an ing participle. Eyes still closed, watch what happens to you as I add two absolutes: “The mountain climber edged along the cliff, hands shaking, feet trembling.” OR “Hands shaking, feed trembling, the mountain climber edged along the cliff.

Rule of Thumb Three absolutes overloads and diminishes the effect. One or two creates a more dynamic image than the original. Absolute phrases are effective (similarly to participles.) For example, you might have used a an absolute phrase such as: “Feet trembling on the snow covered rocks, the mountain climber edged along the cliff.”

Use the Comma like a Zoom Lens. The writer can zoom in on any part that is already framed by the original sentence. You can use a coma zoom at either the beginning or the end of a sentence. Example: The mummy was moving. The mummy’s right arm was outstretched, the torn wrappings hanging from it, as the being stepped out of its gilded box. The scream froze in her throat. The thing was coming towards her—towards Henry who stood with his back to it—moving with a weak, shuffling gait, that arm outstretched before it, the dust rising from the rotting linen that covered it, a great smell of dust and decay filling the room. (The Mummy, Anne Rice 1989, p. 72.)

Student Examples: Mind racing, anxiety overtaking, the diver peered once more at the specimen. (Erin Stralka) I glanced at my clock, digits glowing fluorescent blue in the inky darkness of my room.” (Jenn Coppolo) One of the most common brush strokes in the action sequences of fiction, the absolute infuses action into word painting.

Absolutes Infuse Action Into a Word Painting

Brush Stroke #3: Painting with Appositives An appositive is a noun that adds a second image to the preceding noun in the sentence. The appositive amplifies still images. Example: The raccoon enjoys eating turtle eggs. Becomes: “The raccoon, a scavenger, enjoys eating turtle eggs.” Set off the additional image/information with commas.

Expand the appositive to a phrase Example: “The raccoon, a midnight scavenger who roams lake shorelines in search of food, enjoys eating turtle eggs.”

Example from the Pros: Plowing through the choppy gray waters, a phalanx of ships bore down on Hitler’s Europe: Fast new attack transports, slow rust-scarred freighters, small ocean liners, channel steamers, hospital ships, weather- beaten tanks, and swarms of fussing tugs. Barrage balloon flew above the ships. Squadrons of fighter planes weaved below the clouds. And surround this cavalcade of ships packed with men, guns, tanks and motor vehicles and supplies came a formidable array of 702 warships. (1959, 243) An example from writer Cornelius Ryan in The Longest Day: June 6, 1944. He could have written: “A phalanx of ships and planes bore down on Hitler’s Europe.” Instead he wrote:

Student Examples: Appositives and Appositive Phrases The volcano, a ravenous God of fire, spewed forth lava and ash across the mountain. (Ben Quagliata) The waterfall, a tilted-pitcher, poured the fresh, pure spray into the creek. The essence of natural beauty, tranquil and majestic, it seemed to enchant the forest with a mystical rush that echoed throughout the untouched virgin paradise. (Allie Archer) The fish, a slimy mass of flesh, felt the alligator’s faint teeth sink into his scales as he struggled to get away. (Lindsey Kanhen)

Appositive Images Are Often Used to Add Clarity All brush strokes work equally well for fiction or non-fiction, or poetry, but each genre creates a different emphasis. 300 × 

Brush Stroke #4 Painting with Adjectives Shifted Out of Order Adjectives out of order, used more often by fiction authors, amplify the details of an image. Beginning writers sometimes use too many adjectives in their sentences. This dilutes the sentence’s power. Advanced writers avoid three-in-a-row string by using adjectives out of order.

Here’s How… Leave one adjective in its original place. Shift the others after the noun. Example: ”The large bull moose, red-eyed and angry, charged the intruder.” The effect creates a spotlight and intensifies the image, in addition to creating a dynamic rhythm as opposed to a simple cadence when all the adjectives are in a row.

Examples from Pros “And then, suddenly, in the very dead of the night, there came a sound to my ears, clear, resonant, and unmistakable” (The Hound of the Baskervilles, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, 1968, 72). Listen to the loss of the sentences power when the adjectives are given in a row: “And then, suddenly, in the very dead of the night, there came a clear, resonant, unmistakable sound to my ears.”

Further Examples “The Pavilion was a simple city, long and rectangular” (The Alienist, Caleb Carr, 1994, 27). Notice the focus created. “I could smell Mama, crisp and starched, plumping my pillow, and the cool muslin pillowcase touched both my ears as the back of my head sank into all those feathers.” (A Day No Pigs Would Die, Robert Newton Peck, 1984, 12)

Student Examples: The woman, old and wrinkled, smiled upon her newborn great-grandson with pride. (Stephanie Schwallie) The boxer, twisted and tormented, felt no compassion for his contender. ( Chirs Hloros)

Other ideas Adjectives can also be shifted out of order to introduce a sentence, but this isn’t common and sometimes weakens the verb. The image might be more effective if you find a way to reduce the adjectives and include a verb instead.

Brushstroke #5: Painting with Action Verbs By eliminating passive voice and reducing being verbs, writers can energize action images. Passive voice verbs communicate no action. The image is like a still photo with the action frozen with prepositions: by or with. Typically, passive voice verbs require the help of a being verb. Example: The runaway horse was ridden into town by an old, white-whiskered rancher. The grocery store was robbed by two armed men.

Passive Voice vs. Active Voice Passive voice sentences: The runaway horse was ridden into town by an old, white-whiskered rancher. The grocery store was robbed by two armed men. Revised sentences getting rid of the passive voice: The old, white-whiskered rancher rode the runaway horse into town. Two armed men robbed the grocery store.

Being Verbs Slow Action Being verbs usually cause the writer to tell about action rather than show it. Replace being verbs with active verbs to improve your sentences’ power. For example: The Nerk Knocker is a strange mechanical contraption. It brews coffee while beating a drum solo. Combine sentences for more power: “The Nerk Knocker, a strange mechanical contraption, brews coffee while beating a drum solo.”

Action Verbs transform still photos into motion pictures “The gravel road curled around the left side of the barn.” Curls creates motion. The being verb was creates a still image—not nearly as dynamic. Try this. Close your eyes and listen to this sentence while you visualize the scene: “The gravel road was on the left side of the barn.

Compare the drafts Draft 1: uses the being verb Rockwell was a beautiful lake. Canada geese could be heard across the water bugling like tuneless trumpets. Near the shore, two children were hidden behind a massive maple tree. Watching quietly, they hope to see the first gosling begin to hatch. Tiny giggles escaped their whispers of excitement. Draft 2: uses active verbs Rockwell lake echoed with the sounds of Canada geese Their honking bugled across the water like tuneless trumpets. The two children hid behind a massive maple tree. They silently watched, hoping to see the first gosling begin to hatch. Tiny giggles escaped their whispers of excitement (Jiveden and Jiveden 1997, 1)

Blend strokes together As you gain control of the previous five brush strokes, you can blend them into paragraphs, stories and poems.