1 Intimacy and Distance in Relational Communication Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Chapter Summary Intimacy in Relationships Self-Disclosure in Relationships Alternatives to Self-Disclosure

2 Intimacy in Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Dimensions of Intimacy Intimacy Defined State of close union, contact, association or acquaintance Dimensions of Intimacy Physical Intellectual Emotional Shared Activities

3 Intimacy in Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Masculine and Feminine Most research does show females are better at maintaining intimate relationships. The gender role one adopts proves to be more significant in how a person will react. Generalizations do not apply to every person.

4 Intimacy in Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Cultural Influence The notions of public and private behavior have changed. Self-disclosure is high, especially in North American culture Cultural Impact on Intimacy Individualistic Collectivistic

5 Intimacy in Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Computer-Mediated CMC can now enhance the level of emotional closeness. Intimacy may develop more frequently online. Anonymity and freedom of expression Not all online relationships are intimate. Some are very impersonal.

6 Intimacy in Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  The Limits of Intimacy It is impossible to have a close relationship with everyone. At times, less intimate relationships can be fulfilling. Remember you can have a successful relationship without meeting a high level of intimacy.

7 Self-Disclosure in Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Degrees of Self-Disclosure Breadth of Information Depth of Information Depending on the interaction of the two, a relationship will be more or less casual or intimate. FIGURE 9.2 Page 306

8 Self-Disclosure in Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Degrees of Self-Disclosure Clichés Virtually the opposite of self-disclosure “Hey, how are you doing?” Facts Not all facts qualify as self-disclosure. Disclosing important information suggests a level of trust.

9 Self-Disclosure in Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Degrees of Self-Disclosure Opinions Opinions usually reveal more about a person than facts. Every time you offer your opinion, you’re giving more information about yourself. Feelings Feelings are different from opinions. Too much personal information can be unappealing.

10 Self-Disclosure in Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  A Model of Self-Disclosure FIGURE 9.3 Page 308 FIGURE 9.4 Page 308 FIGURE 9.5 Page 308 FIGURE 9.6 Page 309

11 Self-Disclosure in Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Benefits Catharsis Sometimes we disclose information to get it off our chests. Reciprocity There is no guarantee that your self-disclosure will be reciprocal. If it is, it is not always going to be equal. It takes time.

12 Self-Disclosure in Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Benefits Self-Clarification Talking the problem out with others Occurs with hairdressers, bartenders, even good friends Self-Validation Disclosing information while looking for listener’s agreement This is a very important step in the “coming out” process.

13 Self-Disclosure in Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Benefits Identity Management Revealing personal information to make ourselves more attractive A salesperson might say, “.. I’ll be honest with you.” Relationship Maintenance and Enhancement Social Influence Revealing personal information may increase your level of control. We offer information about ourselves to learn more about others.

14 Self-Disclosure in Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Risks Rejection The fear of disapproval is powerful. Some real dangers in revealing personal information: A: I’m starting to think of you as more than a friend. B: I think we should stop seeing one another. Negative Impression Disclosure can lead to a negative impression.

15 Self-Disclosure in Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Risks Decrease in Relational Satisfaction Loss of Influence Confessing a weakness may lead to someone’s using it against you. Hurting the Other Person What you reveal may hurt the person you’re revealing it to.

16 Self-Disclosure in Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Guidelines for Self-Disclosure Do you have a moral obligation to disclose? Is the other person important to you? Are the amount and type of disclosure appropriate? Is the risk of disclosing reasonable?

17 Self-Disclosure in Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Guidelines for Self-Disclosure Is the disclosure relevant to the situation at hand? Will the effect be constructive? Is the disclosure clear and understandable? Is the self-disclosure reciprocated?

18 Alternatives to Self-Disclosure Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Lying Silence Simply not disclosing Sometimes silence can be in the best interest of both parties. Lying The benevolent lie Unmalicious or even helpful to the person it’s told to The average lie rate is three fibs for every ten minutes of conversation.

19 Alternatives to Self-Disclosure Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Lying Reasons for Lying To save face To avoid tension or conflict To guide social interaction To expand or reduce relationships To gain power

20 Alternatives to Self-Disclosure Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Equivocating When faced with lying, communicators can equivocate. Equivocal Communication has several plausible explanations. “I’ll meet you at the apartment,” could refer to more than one place. “It’s really unusual – one of a kind,” could refer to different emotions.

21 Alternatives to Self-Disclosure Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Hinting Hints are more direct than equivocal statements. The success of a hint depends on the receiver’s ability to detect the underlying emotion. If the risk of direct communication seems to high, you can always drop a hint.

22 Alternatives to Self-Disclosure Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  The Ethics of Evasion Reasons not to challenge statements that are untrue: When we expect others to tell fibs When the lie is mutually advantageous When a lie helps us avoid embarrassment When a lie helps us to avoid confronting an unpleasant truth When we have asked the other person to lie

23 Intimacy and Distance in Relational Communication Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Chapter Summary Intimacy in Relationships Self-Disclosure in Relationships Alternatives to Self-Disclosure